[roeschoice]

Your situation is the same as mine, but in reverse. My son wants only the GSA aspect but not the relationship that goes with it. He loves me, but he doesn't want to commit to that love.

We are unable to be together for a variety of reasons the main one being that as soon as we end up in the same place together, either alone or in a cafe surrounded by other people, even after all these years, those hormones that create GSA affect us both in a very strong and determined way.

He and I have gone through the anger, the arguments, the hateful words, the pure frustration of us both needing to stand in our own power, knowing what we both know, but wanting different things. He loves me. I love him. But he doesn't want to make a commitment to that love. He only wants the GSA - read physical - side of things.

I cannot have a simple mother/son relationship with him because that is not the relationship we have ever had with each other. We have been lovers. We have GSA. We have never been mother and son and we never will be. The time for that is long gone. He and I are at an impasse. We have agreed not to see each other or to have further contact. Does that hurt? Sure as hell does, but it doesn't stop me loving him in any way. It means I love him exactly as he is, with no expectations that he should do things MY way.

It wasn't GSA that was the problem between us. It was his inability to have a relationship with me that left me feeling valued. He wanted the physical side of things to continue, but on his terms only. GSA is love. It's the relationships that don't work because of the backgrounds we grew up in, because of the woundedness of some people who come together in this way, because of those layers I talk about.

How does love come into this equation? Thats what GSA is trying to tell you. That is the part that heals us, if we allow it. But some do not allow it because of their beliefs. And that is okay. It just leaves us feeling rather angry and embittered. I know your pain Red. It is real. I too have been on that damned floor crying, but I know I can't carry that anger inside of me. Thats the exact thing I needed to heal. That's the gift we give ourselves in this.

With respect and love
Roe