Quote:
Originally Posted by Vin Rohm
You're welcome. Something about this conversation had been bothering me. While I agree with other senior members that you might be somewhat oblivious to the harms they speak of, I began to notice that they too seemed to be oblivious to the real problem of GSA. It's not the sex....people have sex all the time without a problem. It's the psychological stigma associated with certain sexual practices that puts a strain on those who engage in them.
Just like with the general attitude towards homosexuality, where the religious see homosexual sex as the problem, GSA is often viewed negatively because of the incest involved, and wrongly believe that it is because incest is illegal that all of these problems arrise from a GSA relationship because of the sex. It is not. It is our psychological attitude toward incest that causes the greatest harm.
If you are taught from birth that incest (or homosexuality) is wrong, and then find yourself in such a situation and enjoying it, all that teaching can come crashing down on your psyche. "It feels good, but its' WRONG!" The mind goes back and forth between that which they have been taught and what the experience is telling them, and they end up concluding that they are somehow bad people for liking it so much. It drives them into a frenzy of emotion which only adds fire to the other issues they have to deal with in a GSA relationship.
I would like to see us get away from discussing the legal aspects of GSA, and talking more about it's psychology...the mental dynamics of a GSA relationship. I know that people like Myshaddow have been helped with the reminder that incest is illegal and the "legal" consequences of getting caught. But I think we do harm when we boo hoo the sex and tell people that they're f*cked if they "cross that -sexual- line" or they cross that legal line of committing incest. They aren't. They become f*cked when they cross that psychological line...when they venture into territory that crosses so many psychological boundaries within themselves.
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That is the very sticky point that we all come up against in dealing with GSA and how best to support one another.
Sex is just sex. Our attitudes, beliefs and morals dictate how we deal with it. Plug GSA into that equation and all the varied circumstances each of us have in our lives when GSA knocks on our door... and it is those attitudes, beliefs and morals that will shape what we do in our GSA relationships, how we help and/or hinder ourselves in getting through it and heal. When we come to help others we carry all those attitudes with us... the degree to which our personal boundaries are crossed and the level of resulting pain seems to be proportional to how 'fixed' we are in how we approach others.
Well said, Vin.