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buttercup · 12-19-2005, 03:10 AM

I first met my brother nearly 2 years ago - although were communicating via email for some time before that. There was an attraction immediately and following much communication both written and by word about our feelings and the GSA issues we met again - he is across the other side of the globe! This year we have been fortunate enough to spend 16 weeks together - the latter union lasting 10 weeks living as husband and wife - except the objective was initially to get the relationship "into its proper place". That failed instantly on meeting at the airport - however the underlying objective was sort of there! Hopeless really.

Anyway - during my time with him my family - 4 children and a husband were in touch - they were all aware of my objectives - although choosing to believe that we weren't sleeping together. For reasons I still don't understand myself - I have returned to the family home for Xmas and to do the right thing by all. Desite my heart screaming inside my head that I want to be with my brother R for ever and the fact that my marriage has been existing I somehow cannot make the break. I have been married for 26 years and together with my husband for 31 - my children are 17 and upwards - so not babies - but hugely opinionated. Constantly I am told that any relationhship with my R cannot survive - I will end up alone and miserable - and I guess that is my underlying fear - they all say they will never want to see me again if I go with "him". So I have returned - and feel I have sacrificed my happiness and my true love. My husband said that he didn't want to be the consolation prize - but frankly that is what he is. And of course I feel alone and miserable in the house - not with the children but certainly with my husband - and of course in time it will just be us!

I can't live with R in NZ, his home, despite the fact that my birth mum and my two other sisters (full biological) live there. However he can live in England. So in some ways it looks simple - but many people around me know of my relationship and my fears are that in time - wherever I live the news would get out - and life would be a hiding game. I guess my fears are so many - but still I am aching to be with him - I am only half existing - not living at all. Each passing day is in a fog of misery.

I don't know why I am writing really except that I have been reading alot of stories on this forum and hoped that I might get some relief from the turmoil that is constantly running through my head and my heart.

Buttercup

12-19-2005, 03:10 AM	#1
buttercup Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 4	Confused and in pain I first met my brother nearly 2 years ago - although were communicating via email for some time before that. There was an attraction immediately and following much communication both written and by word about our feelings and the GSA issues we met again - he is across the other side of the globe! This year we have been fortunate enough to spend 16 weeks together - the latter union lasting 10 weeks living as husband and wife - except the objective was initially to get the relationship "into its proper place". That failed instantly on meeting at the airport - however the underlying objective was sort of there! Hopeless really. Anyway - during my time with him my family - 4 children and a husband were in touch - they were all aware of my objectives - although choosing to believe that we weren't sleeping together. For reasons I still don't understand myself - I have returned to the family home for Xmas and to do the right thing by all. Desite my heart screaming inside my head that I want to be with my brother R for ever and the fact that my marriage has been existing I somehow cannot make the break. I have been married for 26 years and together with my husband for 31 - my children are 17 and upwards - so not babies - but hugely opinionated. Constantly I am told that any relationhship with my R cannot survive - I will end up alone and miserable - and I guess that is my underlying fear - they all say they will never want to see me again if I go with "him". So I have returned - and feel I have sacrificed my happiness and my true love. My husband said that he didn't want to be the consolation prize - but frankly that is what he is. And of course I feel alone and miserable in the house - not with the children but certainly with my husband - and of course in time it will just be us! I can't live with R in NZ, his home, despite the fact that my birth mum and my two other sisters (full biological) live there. However he can live in England. So in some ways it looks simple - but many people around me know of my relationship and my fears are that in time - wherever I live the news would get out - and life would be a hiding game. I guess my fears are so many - but still I am aching to be with him - I am only half existing - not living at all. Each passing day is in a fog of misery. I don't know why I am writing really except that I have been reading alot of stories on this forum and hoped that I might get some relief from the turmoil that is constantly running through my head and my heart. Buttercup