Is there anyone out there?

5Kmom · Member Joined: 07 Jan 2006 Posts: 2

I am a birthmother who was reunited with my son a few years ago. We instantly noticed a strong feeling of being "connected". After several visits, we discussed that the feelings seemed to be sexual in nature. We realized that we were not able to stop the feelings.... and ultimately acted on them (He was 29 and I was 45 at the time).

I had been happily married to a man for 22 years and raised a family of 3 children and 2 stepchildren to adulthood. As one can imagine, the sexual experience with my relinquished son only added to the pain and guilt I had suppressed all the years since his birth. Of course, my husband discovered the situation and was sickened... as were the children we had raised.

Now, after almost a year of trying to understand what happened, I found this website. Is there anyone out there who has experienced this type of reunion situation? Can you tell me if your family survived it? At this point, I have been able to make amends with my husband (although we are still separated), my stepdaughter and my second biological son. However, my relinquished son is banished from contact with our family - not by ny choice, but because my husband could not stand the thought of this "lover" being a part of my life. I am not necessarily striving for a way to get him back into my life, but I am looking for a way to resolve our anquish and restore peace in his life - and in my heart.

Thanks for listening -
5Kmom

ginger · Member Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Posts: 11

I read your story and my heart reaches for all of you. I can't even imagine how you must feel. GSA is a debilitating syndrome in my opinion. I fell in love with my birth brother, and 1 1/2 years later my life is in shambles. I don't even know which way to turn except never loose faith in my High Power. He will help me on this journey. I do believe in that.

If I could suggest anything I would say introduce your family to the underground world of GSA. Show them literature and this website on this topic. I wish I could do the same with my Ex but he isn't mature enough for me to reveal this. He would bury me and I would never see my children. Talk to someone besides this website, and reveal your secret. This is very good for the soul as well. Make sure it is someone you can really trust.

You can PM me anytime you wish.

Take Care,
Ginger

Samsfeatures · Member Joined: 21 Jul 2004 Posts: 1

Hi there,
You sound like you are in such turmoil, I hope you work it out.
I'm a freelance journalist, and write real life stories;I've covered this issue before. And I wondered if you might like to tell your story (anonymously if necessary). You might find it cathartic, and helpful to increase awareness among the public about this very real reunion issue.
If you are interested, please reply or email me [email protected]
All the best,
Samantha

Ps I could email/post you a photocopy of a feature on a woman who fell in love with her brother I did in Best magazine if you wanted to see it.

Samantha Howells
Freelance Journalist & Features Writer
Greymoor | Oreton | Nr Cleobury Mortimer |
Worcs | DY14 OUB

tel/fax:::01746 718 621
mob::: 07976 643 412
email:::[email protected]

Luke · Member Joined: 27 Nov 2005 Posts: 1

SAMSFEATURES - You journalists are unbelievable sometimes!! This woman is suffering huge turmoil in her life and revulsion from her family, and you're asking her if she wants to splash her story across the cover of a glossy magazine!!

If you had truly covered this type of story before, then you obviously just did it for the shock factor, and have no realisation as to the incredibly painfeel feelings and emotions that accompany GSA, and how it totally turns your life upside down. We all know that it's wrong, but none of us asked for it to happen, and we all try in our own way to cope with something that will be with most of us until the day we die.

5KMOM - I would second GINGERs comments, and maybe try to get GSA explained to your family as it's all out in the open now. I can't offer any more advice than that, but hope you can work something out.

BarbGonyo · Administrator Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 76

HEllo everyone,

I just wanted you to know that I have been approached hundreds of times over the years to do a piece either in magazines, TV shows, Documentaries etc.

As the years move on and the subject of GSA becomes more out there, it is being approached differently than it was years ago. There are those people out there that want to help educate on this subject not only make money on a story.

It has been years since I wrote "The Forbidden Love" and I can assure you it was written to educate not make me rich. Good thing........because sales are slim and the only interest is usually someone who has already crossed the lines of society and need help.or want to know that they are not alone,.

As I've stated hundreds of times, I had always hoped to get the book into the hands of therapists and people in the courts, and families of those affected by this subject.

This is an uphill battle.

When I'm approached now it is as usual in hopes that the people interested in doing GSA stories can have me furnish them with cases that will be ready to talk. I can not or will not do this as I know that it is embarrasing, humiliating and for most people devasting to tell their story or expose themselves to the world who will think them crazy or a deviat.

But then again there are those who want to tell what they have been through and have hopes of GSA education to the world who thinks it is only them and they are a small minority. These are brave people who have probably like myself worked out the problem with a solution that was feasable and reasonble and all is well.

They are the ones that want to let others know what they went through in order to help them not make the same mistakes.

So when I'm asked now I tell them to put a post in the website letting people know what they are looking for but that they must know that they have to respect the wishes of people not wanting to be recognized by either shadow interviews with names and places changed to protect them.

If in the future you'll see such posts. Carefully think it over and check into these proposals to make sure you are not being exploited. I have tried to choose very carefully when accepting a person to tell my story or those of others.

GSA needs to be told, not exploited to help those coming after us who may not make mistakes that cost them a lifetime of grief.

Thank you all for any response you give on this subject no matter what your side of this is. We should all respect others opinions.

Barb Gonyo
_________________
The book "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $1.50.
Austrailia Fast Slower
$8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks
New

ILDWAMY · Member Joined: 05 Mar 2004 Posts: 3 Location: Colorado

5kmom,
a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but in my opinion the short answer to your question is run like hell from your son, and don't look back. i'm going to keep it brief, you can look at my 2 other posts to see where i'm coming from, but just let me say, i think it'll be a miracle, if my birth mother and i don't end up committing suicide b4 this is all said and done

BarbGonyo · Administrator Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 76

ILDWAMY

Hello. I don't know if I have read your posts before. There are times that I get busy and don't check out the posts in hopes that all of you are getting what you need from each other.

Today the world looks beautiful with snow bending the trees with their weight. The sun is making everything sparkle and I know how grateful I am to be alive just to see this beauty that is my gift from the one who created such magnificant sight.

I have a planned a day of cleaning out my file cabinets of very old files. But I decided before I take on this chore, I would check out the website. And there you were. I decided after reading your advice to 5kmom to run from her child, that I would accept your invitation to look at your other posts, which I did.

My reaction is one of deep empathy for you and your bmother. It is with heavy heart because of what I feel for both of you that I decided to write to you. I hear such feelings of doom and giving up on life and know that you both have a lot of regrets even though you feel you were right to get your intimacy any way you could and at any cost.

I wish I had the right words to make EVERYONE understand that when we reunite, we bring such a heavy burden into our relationships. We have been separated and we have grieved for most of our lives due to losing our mother or son or whatever our relationship was to each other.

Now we have a reunion and try to put all those missing years and missing feelings behind us and start all over again. But do we??????NO. To start over again we must become mother and child or brother and sister, whatever the case may be.

How do we do this? We have been separated all or most of our lives and now we want instant healing to take away the pain.

I know I'll be repeating myself and apologize to anyone reading this but it is important.

For example, I am the child. I may be in my 20s or much older but I am the child emotionally. I have feelings for this person most of my life sometimes they are hidden but they are there. Now she comes into my life. Who is she? Can she be my mother? I already have one. Do I need two?

She is a lot like me. We look alike. We think alike. I can tell her anything and she understands me. I can even tell her my most intimate secrets because she is my mother. Think...........how many of us tell our mothers that we were raised with our most intimate secrets????That is usually the last person we tell. We would go to a friend first but not tell our parent. Because they are our parent.....

So now she doesn't feel that much like a parent but a soul mate. Someone who gets into my very being and knows me.

Why shouldn't she know me? We carry many of the same genes and enjoy the same things. Well she can't be my mother but I love her and want her.

Am I really looking for a lover? Is sex what will make us belong to each other? Don't we already belong together as mother and child? Ah, but that has been taken away from us because of adoption or separation of one kind or another.

Since I didn't know her, she is my perfect person because I've make her up in my heart and my head to be perfect. All the things the parent that raised me can't be.

Now she is back and she belongs to me. She has proved that she loves me more than anyone else on earth because she took the risks of losing her family and lost them all for me. She proved her love. This should make us all happy. But how can this be a solution?

On the other side of this I am the mom and I have grieved for my son his whole life. I was promised by the agency that he would not only leave my life but he would leave my memory. Did he? No.... He was my perfect child. My first born. It would be terrible to let him go in my mind and heart.

Now we are together again. It ibecomes time to realize that the baby is gone. He is no longer a baby but a man. He looks like me, acts like me and enjoys many of the same things. There is such warmth and love for this person who was meant to be mine, but became someone elses child. The child is gone, I must deal with the man.

Now that changes everything. He is a man. I feel much differently about a man than I do a baby. A dead baby. How do I get my son my baby, back in this man? What do adults feel when they feel strong love? Sexual feelings.

Like anyone in love, we don't think much about what anyone else wants or feels as long as we can be together. We are sure it will last forever this feeling of only the two of us against the world. But of course it doesn't keep the same intensity or we would have to move to an island to deal with this being alone together and abandoning society.

So we follow what we may feel is our only alternative and break the taboo.

What have we lost? Not only can we lose the other members of our families but we can end up losing the relationship that we really needed all along, mother and child.

I know this sounds simplistic and I'm on a roll but I'll continue to scream out that," WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER AS MOTHER AND CHILD OR SIBS ETC, IF WE KEEP THE SEX OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND THINK OF EACH OTHER AS PARENTS AND CHILD".

We live in a world where children today have parents, stepparents too numerouse to mention. Many sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles. Half sibs etc. Why should there be so much trouble with having two mother figures in our life? Are we punishing our first mother for giving us up and letting her know that she didn't earn being our mother because the mother who raised me was the one that was always at my side? Is she being rewarded and the bmom being punished?

Do things together that mothers and children do. Play, read, go to the zoo. Keep it supervised with others so that you don't lose track of your mission which is to be together for the rest of your lives. We don't need to end our lives to try to be together in the next life. Let's try to do this one and get it right.

I'm writing not only for your benefit but for those who are looking to this site for help.

I know you think it is too late for you but it is never too late. Think of trying to rebuild as mother and child not lovers. As a believer in reincarnation, I feel you may have known each other in other lives but in different roles and may need to get it right this time.

Sorry, about throwing in my beliefs as they may sound strange to many of you as I am evolving in my journey of spiritualic beliefs, things start looking clearer and clearer as to why all of this happens.

I hope my rantings will be of some help to you and not sound as if I'm bawling you out. I understand what you are going through and have walked in shoes similiar to yours with different results. My journey was long and hard but I got through it and can look back with no regrets. My son was not attracted to me and I'm so grateful because if we had been intimate, we would no longer be in each others lives and I would not get to know my grandchildren.

I know all these things happened to me for a reason. All of you who read these posts from this website may be the reason.

I didn't mean to go on so long, but I feel better now that I did and will keep you and your mother in my prayers.

Barb Gonyo
_________________
The book "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $1.50.
Austrailia Fast Slower
$8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks
New

5Kmom · Member Joined: 07 Jan 2006 Posts: 2

I just wanted to thank everyone who has responded to my post... you can all understand exactly what I am feeling and it's the first time in over 3 years that I have felt like someone really understands. I have been through 2 treatment centers because my therapist thought I was a sexual deviant (which really scared me because until this GSA occurred, I had not had any behaviors sexually that I thought were abnormal!) Of course, when I began having these feelings of wanting to bond with my son - skin to skin, cradling him, etc., - I felt that it was not "normal", but we talked about it and, not knowing about GSA, we decided we could handle the feelings without getting carried away.

It was after we saw his birthfather that things escalated to the point of 'no return". As I think back on that day now, I am full of regret that I didn't handle my emotions better. I was like the same 16 year old girl - once again rejected by the birthfather! Only this time, he hurt not only me, but this wonderful young man - his own flesh and blood. I think I was trying to make up for this rejection that day and it just turned into a need to "connect" with my son.

Anyway - right now my son and I are "estranged". I feel he does not want me in his life - why would he? .... after all, the rest of the world would find our actions disgusting. I am hopeful that I can learn as much about GSA as possible so that I can share this info with him at some point. I just don't want him to spend the rest of his life regretting that we were ever reunited and thinking that I am some kind of monster!

Knowing that there are others out there who have also had this happen to them, and knowing that I'm not just some latent sex offender, but a birthmother with real emotional and physical reasons why this occurred has given me much peace and a renewed strength to go on. I want very much to have something good come out of all of this pain.

Thanks for listening -
5Kmom

BarbGonyo · Administrator Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 76

Hello again 5kmom,

I'm happy to hear that you are finding some relief in the support you are getting from others.

That is the good that comes from all of this. They can help you and you in turn will help others. This is what our purpose in life is. Keep your spirits up and things will work out well in time.

It took me a long time to put my pain to work so that I could turn the most painful event of my life, giving up my son, into being an important part of others lives, to help them get through this.

Welcome aboard.
Barb Gonyo
_________________
The book "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $1.50.
Austrailia Fast Slower
$8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks
New

Bobby · Member Joined: 05 Feb 2006 Posts: 2

Hi,

I understand what you must be going through, My Mum and I are going through a simular thing. We have been back together for over 6 years, we have a need to be close I have a want/need not sure what the difference is, to touch her skin, her breasts to suckle like a baby. When she touches me I tingle all over. We are both married I have four children still live at home. I am 38 my Mum if 54 I want us to live together. I wonder why after all the pain we have been through we are still suffering. I am so in love with my Mum I cant function properly all I think about is how and when we can be together. I moved house 4 years ago (my husbands idea) we live close to each other and see each for some time each day although I do work every day, this is a new thing since Sept before that we spent all day every day together cuddling and kissing.
Now I want more.
_________________
Joanne

BarbGonyo · Administrator Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 76

Hello Bobby,

I'm so happy that you found this site and contacted us. To me you are proof that this is love and loss reunion issues that we are dealing with. The sexual part only comes from frustration of not getting what we really want from each other.

That part is what has been missing all our lives until we meet. It can be same sex people as well as opposites. I've seen those who think they are now gay because they have such strong feelings for the same sex parent.

First I'd like to talk about love. There are so many types of love. The love we have for our children, our mates, our families, our friends. They are not necessarily the same.

When we come into this world, we come from another person. We actually consist of two people and all the genes they carried when conceiving us.

When a bmom is carrying us and feels she must give us up for various reasons, she is under stress. The unborn child is connecting to those feelings in utro due to her stress.

Once the separation occurs, the child is not put into the arms of the woman with the heartbeat she is familiar with. The child may go right into the adoptive family or into many places before this happens.

There was the assumption that it didn't matter where the child went as long as it was loved. It didn't matter that they may all be very different from each other. Even though they form a bond, it is expected of the child to not ever be concerned about where it came from or how that first connected person who is a part of her/him is feeling or doing or if that person cares at all.

There was the assumption that love and gratitude for the adopted family would make everything go away and be forgotten.

In my hast for time right now and feeling the necessity to answer you now, I'll give you my shortened version by jumping to where you are now.

You say you are so in love with your mother that you are actually grieving when not with her. Of course you are. You have been apart for most of your lives and need to know each other and make up for all the time you didn't know each other or weren't even supposed to think about each other.

Cuddling and the need to be her baby is very strong for you. You want to go back to where you began. But as an adult you are feeling confused and consider it sexual.

You both need years to get back the years you lost. It needs to go slowly and be put into prospective.

I hope this will at least give you something to think about. I have to get going right now and hope you will write again and we can talk more about this. Please don't be hasty. This can all have a wonderful result if you do it carefully.

Barb Gonyo
_________________
The book "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $1.50.
Austrailia Fast Slower
$8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks
New