My story

Teenie · Newbie Joined: Jun 30, 2004 Posts: 31 Location: England

Hi everyone. I'm a new member and would like to tell you my story....Two years ago I met my half-bro. I have always known I've had one but he was never told that he had any half-sibs. It was very strange the first time we met (both of us with our spouses and children) and to be honest we didn't really say much to each other. We all met up the next day and he felt the need to have physical contact moreso than I (holding hands). The following day. although with our respective families, we spent a lot of time together talking, having a laugh and then it was time to say goodbye. For both of us it was like the beginning of the end, something you had just found that was being taken away from you. I spent virtually the whole journey home (about 5 hours) crying and apparently he done very much the same.

That evening I just sobbed my heart out and wanted my husband to be understanding and be there for me. But really that's when things went wrong. My husband started being abusive towards me and getting aggressive. Anyhow, I just had to go back to see my half-bro which I done a few weeks later. Lots of abuse and even violence towards me by my husband in those few weeks! When I got there we spent the whole evening, night and morning sitting talking, crying, laughing more talking and even more crying. I spent a couple of days with him and his family but we tended to go off and do things on our own ie., go for a walk or a drink. We just had to hold hands and then that's when "other things" started happening.

To cut a long story slightly shorter... my husband had a break down, he physically attacked me, has threatened to kill both myself and my half-bro as well as do other "things" to me of a violent nature. As a result we are no longer together. My half-bro and his wife are also separated.

We love each other so much. I wouldn't actually describe it as "falling in love" as I believe if you "fall in love" with someone you can just as easily "fall out of love". I believe that it is something much more deeper than that. It is a love so deep and so strong. We see each other as much as we can. I tend to have feelings of slight guilt etc now and again but then othertimes I don't. Sometimes I see him as my half-bro and others I don't. As a person he is thoughtful, caring, sensitive, emotional, kind and very very supportive. My husband has never been a supportive person - he just doesn't know how to be. By the way I had "fallen out of love" with my husband many years ago. My half-bro and his wife basically have led single lives for many years. So I wouldn't really say that it was our reunion that has caused the separation. I believe that it wasn't our reunion it would have been something else that would have triggered things off.

The emotional feelings that you go through are like nothing on earth. I would never had believed that you could have such overwhelming, powerful emotions for anyone like I have had for my half-bro. I don't know so much if it is that my feelings have settled down or if it is that you get used to the way things are ie., being apart from each other.

Even after 2 years he is still my first thought in the morning and my last at night and most of the day as well. We feel lost without each other. We feel whole when we are together. We speak on the phone a few times a week and still talk for a few hours each time and we say goodnight to each other every night. I have never felt so loved by a man in my entire life.

What will happen I do not know. I would love to be with him 24/7. But I have two children and I will not risk loosing them. If it is our destiny to be together then it will be...but I have got to wait until my children are grown up - about 7 years from now. He has said that he will "wait" a lifetime for me if he has to. He is the only man I want in my life and to share my life with.

We both have days where we cope (probably me moreso than he) and days when we just don't. Such feelings of lonelyness and emptiness. Your heart actually aches with the pain and it really does feel as though it is being ripped out. Very similar feelings to those of loosing a loved one. It is absolutely awful. But then just being with him and being able to hold his hand and give him a big hug and cuddle and just hold onto him makes the pain all worth while.

Well, thats about it really. Although I guess we could all sit down and write a book!

Teenie