just a theory.....anyone?

crazymadness · Newbie Joined: Apr 13, 2004 Posts: 8

Does anyone here think,or have considered that before you met your relative, you either were alone, or with someone and miserable...so of corse meeting and feeling GSA would feel like the best thing in the world!! But maybe, It could have been anyone that you met? there are amazing people out there too who your not related to, who would fall in love with you and make you feel this amazing attraction...dosnt anyone think they deserve better than to have a sexual relationship with thier relative? I mean... of corse GSA feelings are amazingly good, especially at the beginning, its so overwhelming and confusing. It can and does die down if you give youself time and space...you can be just relatives!! your supposed to love and care deeply for your own. A healthy family cant live without each other..they talk alot, and hug and kiss (on the cheek!!) they want to be around each other "family comes first" "people come and go but family is forever"..and so on! thats all normal!! Sometimes people confuse sex with love.... knowing that there IS someone else out there who will love you to death like your family would..someone you could ADD to your family to make it bigger and stronger and happier!! Someone that your not related to! I know sometimes it feels like no one will come along, but they will!!! Does anyone have enough faith to beleive that?
It frightens me that we jump into this all so quickly....the sexuality... before we know whats going on. half of us never heard of the term GSA untill it was too late, or you see each other, and its from that day and everyday after!.....woah! lets slow down here! I KNOW its practically impossible to resist, and distance does phisically hurt...but fact is it takes time to sort out whats right in your head. More than a week or two. Im sure its all relative, but its not going away overnight. Does anyone follow me here?
~crazymadness

mar · Newbie Joined: Jun 20, 2004 Posts: 6

hi crazymadness....

interesting post.....but everyone is different...if you don't grow up with someone.....it is difficult to view them as a relative.

Reverse your theory...what if you did meet someone that was amazing and loved you more than you ever though possible etc. and after a few years together you discover you are related....what then?

mar

crazymadness · Newbie Joined: Apr 13, 2004 Posts: 8

I did say it was all relative, meaning, that everyone is different. And in the case you suggested: than what?
Well, it was just a theory!
But, i would suppose than the same thing goes.....I mean, you have crazy (subconsious?) feelings for that person for a reason! because youre related! And if you didnt even know it after a long time and were already in the motions of a sexual relationship...., It would be pretty difficult to weave yourself out of that one. Yes. That would be difficult. But, for sure, both persons, MUST have been influenced in someway by the new discovery....It would change somthing somewhere.....It would never be the same. Of corse you could still go on with it, But than you would know the wrath of the taboo. and I just find it to be such a lonely place in society, and its difficult to escape that.
Admittingly, my theory was revolving around my own situation...I wonder if anyone else could recognise themselves in it as well, and maybe it could shed some light. If GSA was SO well known...,,,say everyone just knew about it...dont you think half of us with the knowlege during and after a reunion, may have just taken things a bit slower, and just handled it differently? Not jumped in so fast.......I dont think I would have.

mar · Newbie Joined: Jun 20, 2004 Posts: 6

i am not sure I agree, that (in theory!!!) if you discovered after a period of time that the person you were with was actually a relation, that the feelings you had before you knew were because of the fact that you were related. Does that make sense....seems like a long sentence!!

Anyway, I guess my point is that I am not convinced that it is actually GSA in all situations? Especially if you discovered after you were together, how could that be GSA? I am sure that GSA exists, but it seems that we need a 'reason' and a 'box' to put people in......for me, personally, i knew exactly what I was doing, and we both consiously decided to pursue a relationship....not because of 'overwhelming' feelings though!

To be honest, it is fantastic to have this forum, where we can share our thoughts and views.

mar

crazymadness · Newbie Joined: Apr 13, 2004 Posts: 8

I think what I meant was that the feelings werent BECAUSE you were related, but the first initial meeting/feelings WERE, so you persue a long-term sexual releationship based on that. Of corse then after a year or two or more....Of corse than the feelings are based on the previous time spent together unknowing....

As far as I thought...GSA means you are sexually attracted to a relative....(of with whom you did not know growing up)....So ESPECIALLY if you discover AFTER you were together, its still GSA because youre sexually attracted to each other!!!
And personally speaking...if i found out that the person I had been dating for 2 years, was my brother.....For sure, for me, it would change ALOT of how i felt!! Not to say I would leave right away....but Im not sure our future plans would work out anymore...the whole future would just crumble before my eyes...marriage, children....ect...i would worry, it would turn stressfull. dosnt sound good.

I feel like, I probably would have had a monogomus relationship with my brother.....but at the same time, knowing how that would affect the people i love and care...my FAMILY!!---I realized I deserved better, and they deserved better, and He deserved better, than to settle for this (that?). Hes my family now too, so no need to label it a "relationship"! hes my brother now, hes not going anywhere!!! I get him in my life and all the comfy cozy big brother stuff , hugs and kisses, chillin, talkin.....and on top of it, I get whoever else I want to choose to marry and have an even bigger family!

And than I suppose there is a GSA relationship...and/or a GSA experience....would be two different levels of GSA.

I had been noticing a pattern in the forum of people who were miserable, and than jumped into the arms of a brother, sister, mother, father....
some people really ARE co-dependant, and just stay because its easy free company, not even realizing that in thier life the only love they understood was a sexual relationship.....so it would make sense to them to be sexual with this new person, with whom they are experiencing love with for a change.
So, than maybe your right, that might not be GSA after all....just a co-dependent relationship....with, who, just so happens to be your relative.
~madness!

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TRE96 · Newbie Joined: Jul 09, 2004 Posts: 1 Location: Tx

crazymadness,
I can relate to what U say. I thought I would share my feelings towards my half brother...because my situation sounds different from most everyone's in here. I am 30 yrs old now (Half brother is 24) we met for the first time at the ages of 13 and 19. At that time..there were no sexual feelings, atleast on my part. Honestly, I didn't know how to relate to someone that was so much younger than I was...adding to the fact that we really didn't know eachother. It seemed for me that the years went by so fast at that time. I had a lot going on in my life back then. We didn't talk or get together much at all. He started forming a relationship w/ my father 8 years ago, he naturally was around more, as I am close to my Dad. I started to form a relationship w/ him also. Now I have to tell U that I can remember him when he was a very small child, the touch of his skin and the smell of him as a baby. I use to take care of him a lot and pretend he was mine...lol. So I guess it is fair to say that I loved him so much and it hurt being separated from him. But back to what I was saying be4. we began our relationship at the ages of 22 and 16. I can remember very little about how things started romanticly..just most of how good it felt when we kissed and held eachother. I can recalling wanting to take things all the way...but never having the chance to do so. this romance didn't last very long at all..maybe 2 - 3 weeks. I moved away from my father's home and refrained from seeing him. I can remember feeling uncomfortable about even talking with him after those kisses. We probably talked a total of 3 times be4 I cut off all contact entirely. The conversations were something along the lines of me apologizing 4 letting it happen..I felt that because I was older that it was my fault, and I still feel that way. But he would tell me that he wasn't confused and that he didn't see anything wrong with what we had done. Through the next 6 yrs following that..we did not speak. But I have always missed him so much. Always keeping up with how his life was coming along. I got married and had a baby boy and my life was starting to make since for the first time in my life. The man that I have married is truly a wonderful person. In 2002 I was expecting another baby ( a girl) and My husband & I ran into my brother at the Local Mall. Wow...how do I describe what I felt? Very excited to see him, awkward though. He seemed different than I remember him being be4. But he was happy to see me 2 I guess. We exchanged phone numbers but I didn't get a call from him, and I have to be honest..I wanted him to call. I finally called him 3 weeks after that meeting. We had a great conversation...I can remember asking him not to bring up the past..that I so wanted to be his sister and that I loved him, so if he ever needed anything to just let me know. But I was left with an empty feeling. So again we didn't speak very much back then. Recently he has been getting closer to my father again..and ofcoarse I see him more. But neither of us dare touch on the subject. I find myself thinking of him all the time. ( thoughts I know aren't healthy) I think he still thinks of me that way..by the way he embraces me. I want 2 talk w/ him so bad about how I feel but I am affraid. Now I have a great husband and a wonderful life..why would I be doing this 2 myself? I have tried for 8 yrs to put those feelings out of my mind..but they seem to be getting worse. I suppose I will be lost forever. So there U have it. I feel for all in this forum. Because if U even feel half of what I do..I can relate..and I am so sorry =(