emcompnut
04-27-2006, 01:51 AM
First, I’d like to express to everyone that might read this that I’ve read many of the posts on this site before registering, and the responses to those posts – both positive and negative. My only hope is that my situations (I have more than one, and I will explain briefly below) do not get misunderstood or misjudged.
A brief history of situation #1: When I was 17 years old, I met my mother for the first time since I was 2 years old. For reasons unknown to anyone other than my mother, she’d allowed my father to raise me, and she remained out of the picture until I was practically an adult.
The first meeting with my mother was a sweet experience, but something odd also happened. When we first hugged and kissed (on the cheek), the hug seemed to linger – on both our parts. My mother, although estranged from me all those years, acted like a parent and despite the obvious attraction we instantly felt for each other, she retreated and visibly held back from any further contact with me. The weirdest thing about the whole situation was that I had traveled a very long distance to meet my mother, so I had to spend the night at her house, and at the time she was single. So here we were alone, obviously attracted to each other, and nothing happened. My mom simply put me up in another room, and that was that. Afterwards, she made it a point to keep a reasonable distance from – ultimately, I ended up losing contact with her again.
Fast forward 30 years into the future to situation # 2, and I have in many ways become my mother (whom I haven’t had contact with since I was 18 years old). What I mean by saying I have become my mother is that I too have a child that I became estranged from when she was only 6 years old. Her mom and I split, and when her mom left town, it took me almost 13 years to find her and my daughter. To make a long story short, when my daughter turned 19 years old she decided she wanted to come to my state and spend some time with me. Our first meeting reminded me of my own first meeting with my Mom. We were so drawn to each other, it was uncanny. She felt it, and so did I. There was an almost electric feeling between us. I thought at the time that I needed to take a lesson from my mother and I decided to rise up to the challenge of being a parent, and I have acted as such ever since. She ended up living with me for two years before moving out with a boyfriend. We have a very warm father-daughter relationship, and every time we are together, we still feel that electricity and I fight for my normal relationship with my girl.
For a very long time I felt something must’ve been wrong with me and my Mom. I didn’t think about it for at least the last 10 years or so, until the same feelings re-emerged with my daughter. I just knew something was wrong – that is until I discovered GSA and this site, which explains a tremendous amount of what’s been going on. I regularly see my daughter, and I realize that despite her early attempts as seducing me (which I never really gave a second thought), she does respect and love me – the way I love and respect her. She is a tremendous source of joy, and happiness for me and I just would never want to lose her adult friendship and love, which for me is an amazing gift.
My request for advice is this: after reading and seeing the light for the first time about GSA, I have felt the need to openly discuss this topic with my daughter for the very first time. My question is, should I, or should our lives just continue to move on the course we’ve been on for the last year since she moved out. I haven’t given the full account of the things that have transpired in relationship to save time – you just need to know that nothing sexual has ever happened between us because as I have mentioned above, I am the parent and as such have decisively ensured that our relationship not go beyond father-daughter. I have struggled with trying to understand my feelings for so long, and I can’t help but wonder if my daughter has the same struggles. I felt that my Mom’s rejection when I was 17 was my fault – now I know she was simply trying to do the right thing, but she took it too far and dropped out of my life. My daughter and I are too close for that, but I really want her to understand that I am not rejecting her. Should I broach the subject with her or not? Thanks for reading!!!
A brief history of situation #1: When I was 17 years old, I met my mother for the first time since I was 2 years old. For reasons unknown to anyone other than my mother, she’d allowed my father to raise me, and she remained out of the picture until I was practically an adult.
The first meeting with my mother was a sweet experience, but something odd also happened. When we first hugged and kissed (on the cheek), the hug seemed to linger – on both our parts. My mother, although estranged from me all those years, acted like a parent and despite the obvious attraction we instantly felt for each other, she retreated and visibly held back from any further contact with me. The weirdest thing about the whole situation was that I had traveled a very long distance to meet my mother, so I had to spend the night at her house, and at the time she was single. So here we were alone, obviously attracted to each other, and nothing happened. My mom simply put me up in another room, and that was that. Afterwards, she made it a point to keep a reasonable distance from – ultimately, I ended up losing contact with her again.
Fast forward 30 years into the future to situation # 2, and I have in many ways become my mother (whom I haven’t had contact with since I was 18 years old). What I mean by saying I have become my mother is that I too have a child that I became estranged from when she was only 6 years old. Her mom and I split, and when her mom left town, it took me almost 13 years to find her and my daughter. To make a long story short, when my daughter turned 19 years old she decided she wanted to come to my state and spend some time with me. Our first meeting reminded me of my own first meeting with my Mom. We were so drawn to each other, it was uncanny. She felt it, and so did I. There was an almost electric feeling between us. I thought at the time that I needed to take a lesson from my mother and I decided to rise up to the challenge of being a parent, and I have acted as such ever since. She ended up living with me for two years before moving out with a boyfriend. We have a very warm father-daughter relationship, and every time we are together, we still feel that electricity and I fight for my normal relationship with my girl.
For a very long time I felt something must’ve been wrong with me and my Mom. I didn’t think about it for at least the last 10 years or so, until the same feelings re-emerged with my daughter. I just knew something was wrong – that is until I discovered GSA and this site, which explains a tremendous amount of what’s been going on. I regularly see my daughter, and I realize that despite her early attempts as seducing me (which I never really gave a second thought), she does respect and love me – the way I love and respect her. She is a tremendous source of joy, and happiness for me and I just would never want to lose her adult friendship and love, which for me is an amazing gift.
My request for advice is this: after reading and seeing the light for the first time about GSA, I have felt the need to openly discuss this topic with my daughter for the very first time. My question is, should I, or should our lives just continue to move on the course we’ve been on for the last year since she moved out. I haven’t given the full account of the things that have transpired in relationship to save time – you just need to know that nothing sexual has ever happened between us because as I have mentioned above, I am the parent and as such have decisively ensured that our relationship not go beyond father-daughter. I have struggled with trying to understand my feelings for so long, and I can’t help but wonder if my daughter has the same struggles. I felt that my Mom’s rejection when I was 17 was my fault – now I know she was simply trying to do the right thing, but she took it too far and dropped out of my life. My daughter and I are too close for that, but I really want her to understand that I am not rejecting her. Should I broach the subject with her or not? Thanks for reading!!!