what to do?

2gether4ever · 08-13-2006, 10:39 PM

ok this may be silly,, but ok, so you are in a gsa relationship, sucessful of course. you are as happy as can be everything is so perfect.... but..... ok... so what do you call you brother/sister, when introducing them to people you know? what i mean is, do you say.. " I would like you to meet my brother/sister" or " This is (their name)?" or rather, "this is my boyfriend /girlfriend" .... cuz people can obiviously see that you are a couple, and i guess depending on the age boyfriend/girlfriend sounds to "highschool" to me and ok yeah duh... their name would be the obvious choice, but ok,, so your talking about them in reference too... for example " last night me and my ???? went out to the lake and....." I know i know im prolly not making any sense,, but im just puzzled,, I dont want to say, when sharing my happiness. lol.. any sugestions, or am i just looney? has no one ever been in this bit of awkwardness?? ok maybe a little pic will help you understand a bit.. I have recently moved in with my brother in the town he has been in for 6 years, i of course start a new job, people then ask what brings me her? and i simply respond with " family".. thats is satisfing to them,, but now that the months have passed and they are bound to see us together.....but they know im only here living with my brother. humm see the web i weeve.. guess i should of just never said anything about having brother... cuz really to say it to those you have no idea,, are of course gunna think ewewewew.. typical society reaction. right? ok does that help?
Just wondering,
2gether4ever

Leia · 08-14-2006, 08:56 AM

i have the same problem, sometimes i wish I'd never saidi he was my Brother to certain people, eventually I'll forget who i told what, and i'll slip up, so my rule of thumb is, if they are not connected to any family or friends, and we are far from home, its my other half...

at home, he's my brother
out for the night with people we'll never see agin? he's my husband partner/whatever you call it...

i know what he is in my heart (both)
Even my 13 year old spoke to me today about it, she cant see anything wrong with how we are, she knows we are unusually close because we didnt grow up together, and becasue she doesnt see me relate to my 'grown up with brother' the same way, it seems to be explanation enough for her..

best thing to do is tell people you're a lesbian and you live with your brother (i'm only HALF joking, lol)

everyone knows i had a bum deal with men and think what i have with my brother is wonderful, they see how happy he has made me, now i'm ...*single*

we cant hide it forever, but i wont go without a fight

BarbGonyo · 08-14-2006, 10:57 AM

After reading your post, I keep thinking again about why do we always have to explain ourselves to others? Is it because we feel guilty because we are going against societies boundaries in relationships?

You must feel the need to explain him and what you are doing to everyone so that they will give you approval and yet you are afraid of what they will think so you need differnet titles for different people.

When you meet someone and you don't know who the person with them is to them, should we be rude and say, well but who is he to you and what are you doing together?

That is information they would have to want you to have for one reason or another. Would they say, I want you to meet my brother who I never knew and found recently and we fell in love with each other and now we are having sex so please like us anyway no matter how you feel about this type of relationship?

I know that when you love someone you want the whole world to know it. Believe me they only have to see you together and they will know it because you won't be able to hide it. But do you owe everyone an explanation? I don't think so. But, it can get lonely after a long time because you may only have each other. Or some will look the other way and not care what you are doing.

If it is such a problem for a person than maybe they have to rethink about their committment and what it could bring from others into our lives that may cause great problems for the two people who are living in a world of their own.

Guilt is a strong emotion given to us for a reason. If we didn't have feelings of right and wrong and living up to rules even though we don't agree with them, we would have permission in our heads to any act we wanted to because we wanted to and felt that it is our right.

I'm sure there are many people who have regrets because their lives have gone down hill or they have caused others lives to be full of pain, that wish that the little voice of guilt would have stopped them from following their wants.

Please take this as my opinion from my years of expereince with this subject and not as a judgement on anyone on the GSA journey. I know how hard it is because I walked the road and reached the top and have lost nothing because my son had the wisdom and didn't share my feelings. I was truly blessed.

Be strong as this is a tough road.

Barb G

Leia · 08-14-2006, 12:43 PM

...personally for me, it has absolutely nothing to do with approval,
i couldnt care less about that...I'm not feeling one bit guilty, and havent done, nor he..It's because of
THE LEGALITIES!

people like to grab hold of that kind of information and run with it,

its about who do I TRUST,
not who do i tell, i'd tell every body i knew if it was LEGAL,
but prison doesn't appeal to me.

Edit*

We're far from lonely, too many people 'Do' know.
and much like married couples dont fawn all over each other in public,
we too can restrain ourselves.

2gether4ever · 08-14-2006, 02:44 PM

yes i agree,, for me too though totally understanding where your coming from, and perhaps to a degree you are right. but for me.. it not a matter of approval, but rather, more of a way of how do i intoduce us to society without telling all our secrect, so to say this is my boyfriend,, i dont know perhaps because of coming out of a long marriage, that just sounds so "highschool", but to tell anyone he is my bro,,, nah,, non of there bus. so yeah... so no not that im am looking for any kind of approval, but rather trying to interact with society with out having to tell anything,, yes barb,, you are right it is so apparent to the public that we are in love, in fact we have got a lot of comment about it,, we treasure that., so yes for what they dont know dont hurt, and as far as secrect, yes, from the kids father. and basically family,, but i have gone 30 years with out them,, why do i need the "approval" now,, i dont feel it any of there bus. and the ex, i would be blind he doesnt have his suspision,, and yeah perhaps he is closing his eyes, so not to have to remove the kids. anyway thank you both for chatting with me,, you have helped me confirm all my feeling,, whether wrong or right, sometime you just need to hear someone outside to say it..

2gether4ever

rollingrocker1972 · 08-16-2006, 04:50 AM

My sister and I don't hide the fact that we're a couple, but we do hide the fact that we're siblings. We got lucky in that by the time anyone asked us what our relationship was we were already lovers.

I can only imagine how stressful it must be with some people knowing you as siblings and other people knowing you as a couple.

I also agree that the only real issue is legal persecution. Life is not a popularity contest and I certainly don't need other people to blow sunshine up my arse. If our relationship wasn't legally proscribed then I seriously doubt I'd care who knew what or what their opinion was. That being said I do think it is very unlikely that we would get in trouble even if our relationship was known. Law enforcement goes after low hanging fruit, and illegal behavior that takes place behind closed doors, leaves no evidence, and where there is no victim to file a complaint is very difficult to prosecute.

There are many states where laws are on the books against various types of sex such as oral or anal sex. These laws are impossible to enforce due to the inherently private nature of sex in general. Relationships between relatives are somewhat easier to prove and therefore prosecute, but only slightly. But even so there is no reason to advertise the relationship. Our relationships are private and, as adults, not something that any external power has any legitimate authority over.

As for us, well we just introduce each other by name. The fact that we're together is easy to see. If someone isn't sure and asks if we're together, we simply say that we are.

Leia · 08-16-2006, 07:10 AM

Exactly.

We had the same conversation the other evening, re: (for example) the anal sex being illegal, even amongst married couples, i mean..PROVE IT!
so yes, I agree, completely on what you've said here

i suppose different families have different results ...because of who, and what size family you are reuniting into,
if my parents weren't alive, (for example) if i had no other sibs etc,
then no one would have had to known from day one.

But like you RR, what happens behind clsoed doors cannot be proved, so a select few will eventually know, and its up to them how they feel about it,
stay with us, or leave us alone, the only people who matter to me are my/his kids, and both our parents.
anyone else is a bonus, friends seem fine about it...but there is always that worry in the back of your mind.

08-13-2006, 10:39 PM	#1
2gether4ever Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 4	what to do? ok this may be silly,, but ok, so you are in a gsa relationship, sucessful of course. you are as happy as can be everything is so perfect.... but..... ok... so what do you call you brother/sister, when introducing them to people you know? what i mean is, do you say.. " I would like you to meet my brother/sister" or " This is (their name)?" or rather, "this is my boyfriend /girlfriend" .... cuz people can obiviously see that you are a couple, and i guess depending on the age boyfriend/girlfriend sounds to "highschool" to me and ok yeah duh... their name would be the obvious choice, but ok,, so your talking about them in reference too... for example " last night me and my ???? went out to the lake and....." I know i know im prolly not making any sense,, but im just puzzled,, I dont want to say, when sharing my happiness. lol.. any sugestions, or am i just looney? has no one ever been in this bit of awkwardness?? ok maybe a little pic will help you understand a bit.. I have recently moved in with my brother in the town he has been in for 6 years, i of course start a new job, people then ask what brings me her? and i simply respond with " family".. thats is satisfing to them,, but now that the months have passed and they are bound to see us together.....but they know im only here living with my brother. humm see the web i weeve.. guess i should of just never said anything about having brother... cuz really to say it to those you have no idea,, are of course gunna think ewewewew.. typical society reaction. right? ok does that help? Just wondering, 2gether4ever

08-14-2006, 10:57 AM	#3
BarbGonyo Administrator Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 301	How do I handle it? After reading your post, I keep thinking again about why do we always have to explain ourselves to others? Is it because we feel guilty because we are going against societies boundaries in relationships? You must feel the need to explain him and what you are doing to everyone so that they will give you approval and yet you are afraid of what they will think so you need differnet titles for different people. When you meet someone and you don't know who the person with them is to them, should we be rude and say, well but who is he to you and what are you doing together? That is information they would have to want you to have for one reason or another. Would they say, I want you to meet my brother who I never knew and found recently and we fell in love with each other and now we are having sex so please like us anyway no matter how you feel about this type of relationship? I know that when you love someone you want the whole world to know it. Believe me they only have to see you together and they will know it because you won't be able to hide it. But do you owe everyone an explanation? I don't think so. But, it can get lonely after a long time because you may only have each other. Or some will look the other way and not care what you are doing. If it is such a problem for a person than maybe they have to rethink about their committment and what it could bring from others into our lives that may cause great problems for the two people who are living in a world of their own. Guilt is a strong emotion given to us for a reason. If we didn't have feelings of right and wrong and living up to rules even though we don't agree with them, we would have permission in our heads to any act we wanted to because we wanted to and felt that it is our right. I'm sure there are many people who have regrets because their lives have gone down hill or they have caused others lives to be full of pain, that wish that the little voice of guilt would have stopped them from following their wants. Please take this as my opinion from my years of expereince with this subject and not as a judgement on anyone on the GSA journey. I know how hard it is because I walked the road and reached the top and have lost nothing because my son had the wisdom and didn't share my feelings. I was truly blessed. Be strong as this is a tough road. Barb G __________________ Barbara is the author of "I'm His Mother,but He's Not My Son" (formerly titled "The Forbidden Love, GSA". In the paper back edition of Forbidden Love, there are a total of 20 books left in that form. "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $2.31 Austrailia Fast Slower $8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks New I'm His Mother, but, He's Not My Son" will now be available electronically for your convience. The price is $15.00 check made out to Barbara Gonyo 906 Ioka Mt. Prospect, IL 60056 Upon receiving the order you will be given instructions on how to obtain the book. I hope this will be helpful to all of you who were having trouble getting the book. Barb Gonyo

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08-14-2006, 08:56 AM	#2
Leia Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: UK Posts: 43	i have the same problem, sometimes i wish I'd never saidi he was my Brother to certain people, eventually I'll forget who i told what, and i'll slip up, so my rule of thumb is, if they are not connected to any family or friends, and we are far from home, its my other half... at home, he's my brother out for the night with people we'll never see agin? he's my husband partner/whatever you call it... i know what he is in my heart (both) Even my 13 year old spoke to me today about it, she cant see anything wrong with how we are, she knows we are unusually close because we didnt grow up together, and becasue she doesnt see me relate to my 'grown up with brother' the same way, it seems to be explanation enough for her.. best thing to do is tell people you're a lesbian and you live with your brother (i'm only HALF joking, lol) everyone knows i had a bum deal with men and think what i have with my brother is wonderful, they see how happy he has made me, now i'm ...single we cant hide it forever, but i wont go without a fight

08-14-2006, 12:43 PM	#4
Leia Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: UK Posts: 43	...personally for me, it has absolutely nothing to do with approval, i couldnt care less about that...I'm not feeling one bit guilty, and havent done, nor he..It's because of THE LEGALITIES! people like to grab hold of that kind of information and run with it, its about who do I TRUST, not who do i tell, i'd tell every body i knew if it was LEGAL, but prison doesn't appeal to me. Edit* We're far from lonely, too many people 'Do' know. and much like married couples dont fawn all over each other in public, we too can restrain ourselves.

08-14-2006, 02:44 PM	#5
2gether4ever Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 4	yes i agree,, for me too though totally understanding where your coming from, and perhaps to a degree you are right. but for me.. it not a matter of approval, but rather, more of a way of how do i intoduce us to society without telling all our secrect, so to say this is my boyfriend,, i dont know perhaps because of coming out of a long marriage, that just sounds so "highschool", but to tell anyone he is my bro,,, nah,, non of there bus. so yeah... so no not that im am looking for any kind of approval, but rather trying to interact with society with out having to tell anything,, yes barb,, you are right it is so apparent to the public that we are in love, in fact we have got a lot of comment about it,, we treasure that., so yes for what they dont know dont hurt, and as far as secrect, yes, from the kids father. and basically family,, but i have gone 30 years with out them,, why do i need the "approval" now,, i dont feel it any of there bus. and the ex, i would be blind he doesnt have his suspision,, and yeah perhaps he is closing his eyes, so not to have to remove the kids. anyway thank you both for chatting with me,, you have helped me confirm all my feeling,, whether wrong or right, sometime you just need to hear someone outside to say it.. 2gether4ever

08-16-2006, 04:50 AM	#6
rollingrocker1972 Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 33	My sister and I don't hide the fact that we're a couple, but we do hide the fact that we're siblings. We got lucky in that by the time anyone asked us what our relationship was we were already lovers. I can only imagine how stressful it must be with some people knowing you as siblings and other people knowing you as a couple. I also agree that the only real issue is legal persecution. Life is not a popularity contest and I certainly don't need other people to blow sunshine up my arse. If our relationship wasn't legally proscribed then I seriously doubt I'd care who knew what or what their opinion was. That being said I do think it is very unlikely that we would get in trouble even if our relationship was known. Law enforcement goes after low hanging fruit, and illegal behavior that takes place behind closed doors, leaves no evidence, and where there is no victim to file a complaint is very difficult to prosecute. There are many states where laws are on the books against various types of sex such as oral or anal sex. These laws are impossible to enforce due to the inherently private nature of sex in general. Relationships between relatives are somewhat easier to prove and therefore prosecute, but only slightly. But even so there is no reason to advertise the relationship. Our relationships are private and, as adults, not something that any external power has any legitimate authority over. As for us, well we just introduce each other by name. The fact that we're together is easy to see. If someone isn't sure and asks if we're together, we simply say that we are.

08-16-2006, 07:10 AM	#7
Leia Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: UK Posts: 43	Exactly. We had the same conversation the other evening, re: (for example) the anal sex being illegal, even amongst married couples, i mean..PROVE IT! so yes, I agree, completely on what you've said here i suppose different families have different results ...because of who, and what size family you are reuniting into, if my parents weren't alive, (for example) if i had no other sibs etc, then no one would have had to known from day one. But like you RR, what happens behind clsoed doors cannot be proved, so a select few will eventually know, and its up to them how they feel about it, stay with us, or leave us alone, the only people who matter to me are my/his kids, and both our parents. anyone else is a bonus, friends seem fine about it...but there is always that worry in the back of your mind.