GSA is BS!

[mar]

I feel strongly that this is blown WAY out of what it is. I want to acknowledge first of all that everyones feelings and hurt here in this forum is to be recognised. However, I feel like tearing my hair out.....this is NOT just something to be explained as GSA......and if you 'restrain' yourself you can work something out.........

I am happy with who I am and how I am living my life..i have not betrayed a 'husband' or 'partner' but .....I have a BIG question.....

How many men out there are attracted (gsa) to their biological fathers/brothers....similarly how many women are attracted (gsa) to their biological mothers/sisters......?

I think this site is brilliant and 99% of us who use it (and you know what I refer to!) are doing so for genuine reasons and in relation to GSA...but seriously anyone out here who has an attraction for the same sex?? Or is this totally only in realtion to hetrosexuals?????

Please understand that my situation is a happy one for me, and I do know that many of you on this site are going through torment and hell...but do you need to??

Best regards to all,
mar

[Saba]

Hello Mar;

I find it interesting that you find this "syndrome" (that is what I call it) to be BS. I really don't think it is. I think it is very very real. I am middle aged, met my half brother, fell madly in love almost instantly, crossed over the border and now have not had contact for quite some time. The reason I believe GSA is real beyond words is this: I loved him, accepted things about him that made me want to say "hmmmm", but would have picked up and left this country with him. Now after a period of distance and looking back......I am beginning to see that had I met him as just a normal person in a social situation, I would not have been attracted to him. I'm not sure I would have even liked him all that much. Don't get me wrong, I still love him dearly. There is still that "attraction" there. And he is my brother. I am hoping that in time, we can work this out. He doesn't want to lose me, I don't want to lose him. But things will never be the same between us again. I wonder if they will always be "awkward" I just hope we can build a lasting relationship, whatever it is based on. It is complicated; but I'msure others out there know exactly what I am saying. To put it in a nutshell, he made me the happiest I've ever been in my life and also the saddest.......Oh yes, I believe in GSA!!

Best of luck to you

[Magnus]

I read something recently by a woman on another site, where she described a GSA relationship with her daughter. So, I suppose there are some GSA relationships that are homosexual. I can personaly vouch for the guilt and shame that come with sexual feelings for a sibling...as few people as there are that come forward about those types of feelings... I imagine there are even less that come forward when a heterosexual person has GSA related feelings about a same sex family member.

I have to agree with Saba about GSA not being BS. To me this is very real and it's severe. It seems to me that the difficulty with understanding GSA is that there are few standards, per say. It effects everybody differently, depending on your situation.. the life you have lead up to this point and maybe even how you grew up. I think all of these things make a difference in how you handle it...and maybe even how it handles you... if that makes any sense.

I ran across the idea of GSA some time ago, which kind of blew my mind. But the vast majority of stuff I'm reading here sounds like complete bull.

First of all, I think GENETIC sexual attraction is a misnomer. There's zero evidence to support the notion that the attraction is at all genetic or biological in origin. Psychologists have an unfortunate tendency to make shit up as they go along and pretend it's even remotely plausible (starting with Freud).

What is far more plausible is a combination of a lack of a Westermark effect (A well supported theory) and the buildup of a lifetime's worth of regret and/or longing for the lost party in an adoption. When the two parties meet the desire to reconnect is so strong it crosses over into sexual.

(For the record a lot of what I'm seeing here fails to fall to meet those criteria, and is just plain old incest, if not pure trolling).

What I'd like to know is how ordinarily heterosexual individuals interpret this feelings with long-lost members of the same sex, or indeed if they have them at all. And how often do long-lost parents/children/siblings NOT develop these emotions.

[Leia]

When the two parties meet the desire to reconnect is so strong it crosses over into sexual.

and if they each never knew the other existed?
well then how is it so..they don't have the desire to re-connect,
because they never knew the other even breathed?

But the vast majority of stuff I'm reading here sounds like complete bull.

and you would know because?

The Westermark effect is a proven point. Yes agreed
BUT.

For the record a lot of what I'm seeing here fails to fall to meet those criteria, and is just plain old incest, if not pure trolling).

yeah sure, my feelings are all in my loins, just fancied a bit of incest, it was on my 'to do before i die list'

That has to be among one of the most insensitive things i have read...
full of resentment and scorn.

[tom and dawn]

In response to Acetyl's comments;
This forum is for people who have encountered GSA to seek support and share their experiences. As far as we are concerned it is not for smart arses like you to debate whether the condition actually exists or not.
How can you possibly comment on something you have never experienced yourself? The term GENETIC Sexual Attraction wasn't devised by psychologists but was in fact coined by someone who had themselves experienced these extreme emotions and had the courage to speak out.
Leia we are with you on this one and find this persons comments extremely insensitive and negative.

[BarbGonyo]

Just had to add a comment to those who write that this is a made up problem.

In the 25 or so years that I've been discussing this subject, not because I am a trained psychologist, which I am not, but as a GSA survivor, I always listen to the objections of those who have not ever had GSA or even thought about what it is who seem to want to pick it apart and say it is BS. They think that Genetic is an improper term......or that the word Sexual should be removed as it isn't sexual. Who cares what it is called?

The truth is it is a big problem and a lot of people are gathering together to get support for their feelings. So to those who think it is BS ..........

How would you know if you never had it? What if you never had Cancer, would that mean it doesn't exist?

I hope you would be educated by this site and not judgemental to these people as they don't need more pain and problems but some understanding that they are suffering great loses.


Barb Gonyo

I dont know what everyones problem is, But me personally, I could never even imagine being involved with my Father.. Having feelings towards your parents and kids, Now to me that is just gross.. I dont want to step on anyones toes here but I do think that people can have feelings for their cousins, Half Siblings, Etc etc.. Yes, Some people do happen to swing into the route of having feelings for a closer relation than that.. Maybe I just do not understand anything about this whole ordeal.. But I just think that.. Oh hell, I dont know what I think.. Iam confused yet myself.. LoL.. So maybe I should not talk about this until I know things :?

[BarbGonyo]

We welcome your visit to this site and I would like to answer by saying your last sentence about not knowing anything about his is a very true statement.

My guess is that you are not adopted or a birth parent or have not lost someone in your blood family to separation and been reunited.

That is what this site is about. It isn't about our sexual attractions in life that normally would not happen if we were in a normal situation such as being raised with our birth relatives.

I know there are cases in this world that people find a relative attractive and can't control their instincts and act out sexually.

If you read more into GSA it is a longing to be intimate with a lost and found relative that we have a need to have in our lives such as a mother father sibling etc. When we meet after many years we are in pain and have most times not dealt with our longing for this missing person and upon meeting get confused as to what true intimacy is.

I don't feel that I should explain it all as this site is full of peoples situations and stories including my own.

I hope that you can read them with an open mind and not say that would never happen to me because that is what we all said too and never relaized how much we needed to develop a relationship and have boundaries on that relationship that would have automatically been there had we not been separated.

Thank you for writing. I'm curious as to why you would have looked up this site.

Barb Gonyo

[BarbGonyo]

HEllo Mar,

I'm not quite sure what you mean by GSA is BS. I know what the BS means but what do you mean?

You don't believe it exists or that it is different from any other two people who fall in love and fall into bed?

I feel it is very different from a type of crush or physical attraction you may have to a blood relative who you find appealing. People who develop GSA are generally reunited after many years or never even knew the other person existed.

The pain of separation and secrecy of an adoption cause people to long for those they never knew but knew were out there somewhere. When they find each other everything happens too fast.

You asked if it ever happens between same sex people. The answer is most definetly yes. Some of those people may be gay and some have never felt gay tendencies and yet long to feel the closness and intimacy with this person.

This is why I've always said there is a lot more than a sexual drive that brings them together. It is the need for intimacy which may not be had through conversation or being together. Some people have dealt with sex as a way of becoming close to another person all their lives and/or are trying to recapture the feelings they had with another person for instance a birthmother reliving the romance with the birthson she finds because they are so much alike. Or the birthfather who sees in his adult daughter the love he felt for her mother that was never carried through.

With siblings, it can be their needs to have their childhood together that was taken away from them and now they are adults and play adult games.

Yes, GSA is real and it hurts because it is not acceptable in our society. So when we step out of the bounds of what is expected of us, we get hurt and can hurt others.

I don't know if this is what you were asking or not but here it is for what it is worth.

Barb Gonyo