A positive experience of therapy

mft intern · 07-10-2011, 07:44 PM

Hi all,

I hope that this post will be useful. I have not had any personal involvement with a GSA relationship and so I am not sure if it is intrusive for me to post in this forum.

I am in the first year of a Family Therapy training program and I'd like to explain how Family Therapy is different from other types of psychotherapy and counseling:

In traditional psychoanalysis the clinician is considered to be an expert who can help the client gain insight into his/her situation. If the client follows the advice of the analyst he/she will eventually 'heal' or 'recover'. This type of therapy tends to pathologize the client and can take a long time. (Obviously that's a huge oversimplification, and there are LOTS of great analysts and counselors out there - essentially I'm highlighting some of the negative aspects of the psychoanalytic perspective in order to share how the Family Therapy field is very different).

Family Therapists are trained to be experts in change, and to accept that the only experts in client's lives are the clients themselves. Family Therapists understand that all behavior makes sense in context. We are taught to look for client's strengths, and to work with clients on solving the problems that they see as problems - not what the therapist thinks is a problem. Family Therapy is often geared towards working briefly. Family Therapists work with individuals, couples, and families.

I imagine there may be people here who have had negative experiences with mental health professionals, or who would never think of going to a mental health professional because they assume they would only be met with prejudice. I therefore wanted to provide information to this community in the hope that anyone who would like to talk to a therapist - whether the problem is GSA related or not - would be better informed about their options.

I would like to ask, as a therapist-in-training, if there is any advice you have for me. Are there things that people tend to assume that you would prefer to be asked about? Have you had positive/negative experiences of therapy that you think I could learn from? I appreciate any thoughts you might wish to share, and hope that this information was welcome and appropriate.

Thank you.

LostNTime · 07-10-2011, 09:57 PM

Yes, if you ever have to deal with GSA in a patient. There are people on this site that you will talk to, who love someone they are not suppose to love in the way that they love them. A lot of them, the other person love them back just as much. They have found true, undying, and unconditional love. The kind that books, songs, and movies are written about. However, it's taboo, and illeagal in most countries. So, out of love for the other person, their extended family, or fear, they have given up on that love. Trying desperately to change it into what others see as normal, even though their heart doesn't feel that it's unusual. This puts them in a very torn spot, grieving as if part of them is gone. Some can't even talk on the phone with the other person becuase those feelings will stir. The attraction is so intense that they know the person's scent, voice tone, how their eyes reflect, their footsteps, even what the other person is thinking by how long it takes to respond to a text. Nothing can take that spot. They are hoping to normalize their relationship so they can be in that person's presence again, just to feel the happiness again, but in what others view as normal. If there were no taboo to this, the couple would be happily married, and still putting the other person's feelings first. Just as they are by staying away from each other. So, with GSA, you are dealing with a great matter of the heart, because if it were of the brain, we wouldn't be here.

nike2121 · 07-10-2011, 10:46 PM

To add to what LostNTime has pointed out, a lot of us are trying to make good with what's in front of us.

Regardless of how we feel about a person, there are inherent complications with GSA that every one of us has to deal with. The fact of the matter is, secrets wear on people, and this is the kind of secret that can damage lives and rip apart families if it is uncovered and misunderstood.

This causes a lot of pain and suffering, not just for people who suffer from GSA, but everyone around them.

Where you can come in is in helping us to carefully weigh the consequences of our choices. For me, I asked myself two questions to decide whether to pursue GSA with (in this case) my half sister.

Question 1. Is this what I want for myself?
Answer: Yes. I absolutely want to be with her.

Question 2. Is this what I want for her?
Answer: No. She deserves a shot at a normal life, and she needs a brother she can trust.

That was how I made my decision. Others I'm sure asked different questions when weighing their decisions, but we all put a great deal of thought into what is happening to us.

A good therapist will help us to discover what is right for ourselves, and should help us to understand what is happening to us. Because frankly, I felt like a freak when this started happening, and I know I'm not the only one who felt that way. It's not merely confusing to have feelings like this, it can be rather terrifying.

mft intern · 07-10-2011, 11:00 PM

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. What you wrote was very helpful. The emotional complexity you describe sounds unimaginably difficult. You also write very beautifully. I am glad that this is a place where people can connect with others who can empathize with their experiences.

I realized after starting this thread that it was probably naive of me to try to represent an entire field of therapy. Not every Family Therapist will be non-judgmental, and of course many non-Family Therapists will be non-judgmental. I only hope that as more people understand about GSA, there is greater sensitivity and understanding.

Thank you again.

mft intern · 07-10-2011, 11:05 PM

Thank you also nike2121. I can imagine it must have been terrifying, and I assume extremely lonely. Thank you for your advice and questions. These are gifts that I will pass on whenever I am able.

Victor · 07-11-2011, 01:00 AM

We kind of operate here as a continuous group therapy session. People come into the group and bare their soul to the group. The group bares their own soul and experience, without judgement, hoping that maybe what worked for them can help this other person. People leave when they want, when they feel a resolve in their issues, and sometimes when a cord is struck and anger ensues. We have several folks who have been here a long time and while they have come to terms with their own issues, they hang around to help others.

It seems to work most of the time. I wish I could say it works 100%, but that wouldn't be honest. We've had our failures, but hopefully we as a group have learned from them so as not to repeat them. This seems to be the safest place for us. It's hard to pass judgement on people going thru the same things you did.

DodgingRain · 07-11-2011, 10:03 AM

I was seeing someone that had family therapy as their specialty. They didn't pick up on the fact that GA/GSA was my issue. I didn't figure it out until I found this place.

But yes, I guess it's like trying to treat Romeo and Juliet via therapy in a way.

myshadow · 07-11-2011, 06:12 PM

I saw a therapist for my GSA issues.
She was uneducated about it. I told her what I
could to give some insight, hoping she could help me.
In my case it didnt work.

Having been through this and knowing how I felt at the time,
I believe people with GSA need intensive therapy for THAT issue.
Thats why I came here. I knew I could talk about it right away,
anytime I needed too. I can log on and have issues and concerns
addressed almost instantly.

Therapy is once a week for an hour, What is accomplished?
for me, NOTHING. We wasted most the hour talking about
my childhood, how I was raised and blahblah, this and that.
It was NOT what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk
about the GSA. Thats ALL I could think about.
For most people thats how it is.
It consumes every waking moment and invades your sleep.

I went along with this for 2 months and things got worse
for me. I live in a small town with few options for a choice
of therapists.
Luckily, This site and the people here are readily available
when I need help with an issue.

Some people here have had luck with therapy, I think
CBCpaul is a good case. He had group therapy.
Which is exactly what this place is, as Victor stated above.
Hope this helps.
Rae

DodgingRain · 07-12-2011, 08:15 AM

I would agree with Rae, that's pretty much what my experience with therapy was like. It wasn't on target and I feel it was a waste of time and $$

mft intern · 07-12-2011, 09:10 PM

The examples you have provided make a lot of sense to me. The training I am receiving emphasizes working as briefly as possible on what is relevant for the client - not endlessly dredging up the past.

I think it's great that this site exists and it sounds as if there are many ways in which it offers something above and beyond an hour a week with a therapist. Sometimes the best thing a therapist can do is help to connect a client to a resource such as this.

Thanks again for all your thoughts.

07-10-2011, 07:44 PM	#1
mft intern Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 4	A positive experience of therapy Hi all, I hope that this post will be useful. I have not had any personal involvement with a GSA relationship and so I am not sure if it is intrusive for me to post in this forum. I am in the first year of a Family Therapy training program and I'd like to explain how Family Therapy is different from other types of psychotherapy and counseling: In traditional psychoanalysis the clinician is considered to be an expert who can help the client gain insight into his/her situation. If the client follows the advice of the analyst he/she will eventually 'heal' or 'recover'. This type of therapy tends to pathologize the client and can take a long time. (Obviously that's a huge oversimplification, and there are LOTS of great analysts and counselors out there - essentially I'm highlighting some of the negative aspects of the psychoanalytic perspective in order to share how the Family Therapy field is very different). Family Therapists are trained to be experts in change, and to accept that the only experts in client's lives are the clients themselves. Family Therapists understand that all behavior makes sense in context. We are taught to look for client's strengths, and to work with clients on solving the problems that they see as problems - not what the therapist thinks is a problem. Family Therapy is often geared towards working briefly. Family Therapists work with individuals, couples, and families. I imagine there may be people here who have had negative experiences with mental health professionals, or who would never think of going to a mental health professional because they assume they would only be met with prejudice. I therefore wanted to provide information to this community in the hope that anyone who would like to talk to a therapist - whether the problem is GSA related or not - would be better informed about their options. I would like to ask, as a therapist-in-training, if there is any advice you have for me. Are there things that people tend to assume that you would prefer to be asked about? Have you had positive/negative experiences of therapy that you think I could learn from? I appreciate any thoughts you might wish to share, and hope that this information was welcome and appropriate. Thank you.

07-10-2011, 10:46 PM	#3
nike2121 Junior Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 5	To add to what LostNTime has pointed out, a lot of us are trying to make good with what's in front of us. Regardless of how we feel about a person, there are inherent complications with GSA that every one of us has to deal with. The fact of the matter is, secrets wear on people, and this is the kind of secret that can damage lives and rip apart families if it is uncovered and misunderstood. This causes a lot of pain and suffering, not just for people who suffer from GSA, but everyone around them. Where you can come in is in helping us to carefully weigh the consequences of our choices. For me, I asked myself two questions to decide whether to pursue GSA with (in this case) my half sister. Question 1. Is this what I want for myself? Answer: Yes. I absolutely want to be with her. Question 2. Is this what I want for her? Answer: No. She deserves a shot at a normal life, and she needs a brother she can trust. That was how I made my decision. Others I'm sure asked different questions when weighing their decisions, but we all put a great deal of thought into what is happening to us. A good therapist will help us to discover what is right for ourselves, and should help us to understand what is happening to us. Because frankly, I felt like a freak when this started happening, and I know I'm not the only one who felt that way. It's not merely confusing to have feelings like this, it can be rather terrifying. Last edited by nike2121 : 07-10-2011 at 10:54 PM.

07-10-2011, 11:00 PM	#4
mft intern Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 4	further thoughts Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. What you wrote was very helpful. The emotional complexity you describe sounds unimaginably difficult. You also write very beautifully. I am glad that this is a place where people can connect with others who can empathize with their experiences. I realized after starting this thread that it was probably naive of me to try to represent an entire field of therapy. Not every Family Therapist will be non-judgmental, and of course many non-Family Therapists will be non-judgmental. I only hope that as more people understand about GSA, there is greater sensitivity and understanding. Thank you again.

07-11-2011, 01:00 AM	#6
Victor Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Milton, Washington Posts: 920	We kind of operate here as a continuous group therapy session. People come into the group and bare their soul to the group. The group bares their own soul and experience, without judgement, hoping that maybe what worked for them can help this other person. People leave when they want, when they feel a resolve in their issues, and sometimes when a cord is struck and anger ensues. We have several folks who have been here a long time and while they have come to terms with their own issues, they hang around to help others. It seems to work most of the time. I wish I could say it works 100%, but that wouldn't be honest. We've had our failures, but hopefully we as a group have learned from them so as not to repeat them. This seems to be the safest place for us. It's hard to pass judgement on people going thru the same things you did. __________________ Vic "The one that will not reason is a bigot; the one that cannot reason is an idiot and fool; but the one that dares not reason is a slave to the opinions of others."

07-11-2011, 06:12 PM	#8
myshadow Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: tornado alley, USA Posts: 345	I saw a therapist for my GSA issues. She was uneducated about it. I told her what I could to give some insight, hoping she could help me. In my case it didnt work. Having been through this and knowing how I felt at the time, I believe people with GSA need intensive therapy for THAT issue. Thats why I came here. I knew I could talk about it right away, anytime I needed too. I can log on and have issues and concerns addressed almost instantly. Therapy is once a week for an hour, What is accomplished? for me, NOTHING. We wasted most the hour talking about my childhood, how I was raised and blahblah, this and that. It was NOT what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about the GSA. Thats ALL I could think about. For most people thats how it is. It consumes every waking moment and invades your sleep. I went along with this for 2 months and things got worse for me. I live in a small town with few options for a choice of therapists. Luckily, This site and the people here are readily available when I need help with an issue. Some people here have had luck with therapy, I think CBCpaul is a good case. He had group therapy. Which is exactly what this place is, as Victor stated above. Hope this helps. Rae __________________ Please read our Home Page and Barb's Book www.geneticsexualattraction.com

07-10-2011, 09:57 PM	#2
LostNTime Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 256	Yes, if you ever have to deal with GSA in a patient. There are people on this site that you will talk to, who love someone they are not suppose to love in the way that they love them. A lot of them, the other person love them back just as much. They have found true, undying, and unconditional love. The kind that books, songs, and movies are written about. However, it's taboo, and illeagal in most countries. So, out of love for the other person, their extended family, or fear, they have given up on that love. Trying desperately to change it into what others see as normal, even though their heart doesn't feel that it's unusual. This puts them in a very torn spot, grieving as if part of them is gone. Some can't even talk on the phone with the other person becuase those feelings will stir. The attraction is so intense that they know the person's scent, voice tone, how their eyes reflect, their footsteps, even what the other person is thinking by how long it takes to respond to a text. Nothing can take that spot. They are hoping to normalize their relationship so they can be in that person's presence again, just to feel the happiness again, but in what others view as normal. If there were no taboo to this, the couple would be happily married, and still putting the other person's feelings first. Just as they are by staying away from each other. So, with GSA, you are dealing with a great matter of the heart, because if it were of the brain, we wouldn't be here.

07-10-2011, 11:05 PM	#5
mft intern Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 4	Thank you also nike2121. I can imagine it must have been terrifying, and I assume extremely lonely. Thank you for your advice and questions. These are gifts that I will pass on whenever I am able.

07-11-2011, 10:03 AM	#7
DodgingRain Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 64	I was seeing someone that had family therapy as their specialty. They didn't pick up on the fact that GA/GSA was my issue. I didn't figure it out until I found this place. But yes, I guess it's like trying to treat Romeo and Juliet via therapy in a way.

07-12-2011, 08:15 AM	#9
DodgingRain Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 64	I would agree with Rae, that's pretty much what my experience with therapy was like. It wasn't on target and I feel it was a waste of time and $$

07-12-2011, 09:10 PM	#10
mft intern Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 4	The examples you have provided make a lot of sense to me. The training I am receiving emphasizes working as briefly as possible on what is relevant for the client - not endlessly dredging up the past. I think it's great that this site exists and it sounds as if there are many ways in which it offers something above and beyond an hour a week with a therapist. Sometimes the best thing a therapist can do is help to connect a client to a resource such as this. Thanks again for all your thoughts.

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search