Mental dynamics of GSA

myshadow · 10-02-2011, 09:41 PM

I started a new thread out of respect to Roe,
I have no ill feelings towards you dear Roe or anyone else here.

I just don't want people getting HURT. Pain seems to be the biggest
thing with GSA. Doesnt matter if your happy or sad about it. We all
feel some kind of pain because of it.

Quoted by Vin in another thread,

"I would like to see us get away from discussing the legal aspects of GSA, and talking more about it's psychology...the mental dynamics of a GSA relationship. I know that people like Myshaddow have been helped with the reminder that incest is illegal and the "legal" consequences of getting caught. But I think we do harm when we boo hoo the sex and tell people that they're *bleeped* if they "cross that -sexual- line" or they cross that legal line of committing incest. They aren't. They become *bleeped* when they cross that psychological line...when they venture into territory that crosses so many psychological boundaries within themselves."

The legal consequences are part of the psychological aspect. Right?
How could they not be? When GSA happens to someone and they start researching, whats the #1 thing they look up? Incest tops the list.
Most people dont even know what GSA is!

I have been vocal about the legal aspect of GSA for obvious reasons
and not so obvious reasons. Alot of the things I have to say about the legal are for good reasons. I don't want to see anyone go to jail or even have
to deal with being questioned about it.

My attitude towards the legal part didn't come till much later in my GSA.

In the beginning, None of that mattered. I never felt it was "wrong"
even though I was cheating on my hub. He was my brother! It didn't count.

If you want to talk about the psychological only, well then thats great!
Let's go. I'm ready for anything.

Honestly what helped me the most was finding people to talk to about the
psychological aspect of it. How it affected me inside my mind.

I boo-hoo the sex part because that part is what messed up my relationship with my brother BIG TIME

I've shared alot about what happened with us on this site. But that's just the tip of the iceberg.
No need to re-live all of it, just trying to give some of yall a clue as to why
I have my opinions on certain things.

So Vin,
How do we start this discussion?
I never studied psychology, where do we go from here?

roeschoice · 10-02-2011, 10:10 PM

Rae

People have been already hurt! The "hurt" began at the very beginning. At the time when we were separated from each other. That is the original hurt. It takes something like GSA to wake us up, help us heal and learn what love is. Healing happens when we no longer hurt. That is what healing means. Many of us have been hurting for years, only we've become enured to it, we've accepted it, or buried it so deep we wouldn't let it touch us, because it was far too painful for us to even look at.

We may have had other events in our lives which asked us to look at healing, and if you look at the Laws of Attraction - you get what you focus on! This phenomenon is a huge sign saying Hey! It's time you started living a life, without pain, without being someone for somebody else, it's time to wake up!

The psychology of GSA begins at the very beginning. It begins with boding. It ends with bonding. For mothers and their babies, it began at time they were removed from each other. That hurt was immeasurable. And where I go next with this will have some people here questioning me, but this is what I know - for fathers, it happens when the mother is not available, for whatever that reason might be, and for brothers and sisters, it is when both parents are unavailable, it is a natural progression to bonding.

It is not something within our brains. It is something within our bodies. It is not our brain that is affected. It is our chemical make up. If it was our brain, all the therapy I have had would have "cured" me of my feelings and responses, and I can truthfully say, I have had GSA for 20 years, and it hasn't gone away for either my son or myself. It can't. Unless someone finds a drug to cure it, we're stuck with it I'm afraid.

As I've said earlier, there are many layers upon layers here, and it takes an open mind to work through it, understand it and accept it.

Learning what your body does, how it reacts, how it feels, is the key. Our thoughts actually come second to our bodily response. It is our thoughts that make it a maze of guilt, shame and fear. It's how we've been trained to think in this. Try changing your thoughts. Once you change your thoughts, you will find that everything you "feel" within GSA, remains exactly the same. Each time you are with your Beloved, your body will respond in exactly the same way as it did before. And no amount of therapy changes that. We just learn to deal with it and ourselves in a healthier way. Our mind plays tricks on us. It's not the brain that is affected here. It is not a psychological response, we do not have a mental illness, we were perfectly okay before this began weren't we?

Love and respect
Roe

Vin Rohm · 10-02-2011, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by myshadow

The legal consequences are part of the psychological aspect. Right?

No.

Quote:

Originally Posted by myshadow

How could they not be? When GSA happens to someone and they start researching, whats the #1 thing they look up? Incest tops the list.
Most people dont even know what GSA is!

Let me use Homosexuality here as a reference point. Homosexuality is not illegal in this country. Yet the psychology of hate regarding it is still enough to drive young gay kids to commit suicide. There is a psychology of hate towards incest also. That psychology comes into us via religious prohibition, just as it does against homosexuality.

Quote:

Originally Posted by myshadow

I have been vocal about the legal aspect of GSA for obvious reasons
and not so obvious reasons. Alot of the things I have to say about the legal are for good reasons. I don't want to see anyone go to jail or even have
to deal with being questioned about it.

I don't want to see anyone go to jail either. Many states that have incest laws don't typically enforce them. It depends more on how "conservative" the state is...the more conservative, the more likely they are to prosecute you on incest charges. There are also the problems of evidence and reasonable search and sesure....unless someone has put an illegal spy cam in your bedroom, it's highly unlikely that they will have any evidence against you...unless you get pregnant.

Quote:

Originally Posted by myshadow

In the beginning, None of that mattered. I never felt it was "wrong" even though I was cheating on my hub. He was my brother! It didn't count.

And that is the normal attitude we all tend to have with it. It's like we somehow deserve this because of what we were denied as family. Again, this is a matter of psychology...how we think and process data in our minds. Of course it's not "right"...because we are violating marriage vows and trust....but that doesn't stop the psychology of it from making sense that we somehow deserve to bond this way because of the bonding we were denied as a family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by myshadow

I boo-hoo the sex part because that part is what messed up my relationship with my brother BIG TIME

I would beg to differ, in that it wasn't the sex, but the mental attitudes that sprang from the sex...possessiveness, control, manipulation, malintent, deception, guilt...

roeschoice · 10-02-2011, 10:21 PM

Vin

You and I are on the same page - what a delight to have someone speaking the same language after all this time.

Roe

Vin Rohm · 10-02-2011, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roeschoice

Vin

You and I are on the same page - what a delight to have someone speaking the same language after all this time.

Roe

That could be because you and I are the parent in a child-parent GSA paring. It changes our perspective of this issue.

We are but ordinary people trying to deal mentally with extraordinary circumstances.

myshadow · 10-02-2011, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vin Rohm

I would beg to differ, in that it wasn't the sex, but the mental attitudes that sprang from the sex...possessiveness, control, manipulation, malintent, deception, guilt...

Exactly, But If we wouldnt have had sex then all those attitudes wouldnt have came out. Right?

I feel

cuz I just "showed" myself.

Oh well, Myshadow has a face now!

Thanks for the replies so far, let's keep it going

myshadow · 10-02-2011, 10:51 PM

I need time to think and have a stiff drink....

roeschoice · 10-02-2011, 11:00 PM

No Myshadow, it's who WE are ourselves that create those attitudes. Sex doesn't create an attitude. It's our attitude to it that does. Like a thought.

Sex is only sex. It's HOW we think about it that creates the issues and the attitudes and the pain.

Sex, when given and received in love and of it, is still sex, but it takes on a different meaning if it isn't used to manipulate, control or possess - or use it to keep a relationship going when that relationship is only used for the physical. There are some, if not many, in these relationships who do use it only for the physical and not to build a healthy relationship within it. That's where some of us get lost.

Roe

Vin Rohm · 10-02-2011, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by myshadow

Exactly, But If we wouldnt have had sex then all those attitudes wouldnt have came out. Right?

Could be... but then, you might not have bonded at all, either. Sex may be the catalyst, but not necessarily the cause.

Vin Rohm · 10-02-2011, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by myshadow

I need time to think and have a stiff drink....

Beat you to it.

10-02-2011, 10:51 PM	#7
myshadow Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: tornado alley, USA Posts: 460	I need time to think and have a stiff drink.... __________________ Rae READ:: / DOWNLOAD::Barbara Gonyo s e Book http://www.amazon.com/His-Mother-But...3684136&sr=8-1 Last edited by myshadow : 10-02-2011 at 10:56 PM.

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10-02-2011, 09:41 PM	#1
myshadow Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: tornado alley, USA Posts: 460	Mental dynamics of GSA I started a new thread out of respect to Roe, I have no ill feelings towards you dear Roe or anyone else here. I just don't want people getting HURT. Pain seems to be the biggest thing with GSA. Doesnt matter if your happy or sad about it. We all feel some kind of pain because of it. Quoted by Vin in another thread, "I would like to see us get away from discussing the legal aspects of GSA, and talking more about it's psychology...the mental dynamics of a GSA relationship. I know that people like Myshaddow have been helped with the reminder that incest is illegal and the "legal" consequences of getting caught. But I think we do harm when we boo hoo the sex and tell people that they're bleeped if they "cross that -sexual- line" or they cross that legal line of committing incest. They aren't. They become bleeped when they cross that psychological line...when they venture into territory that crosses so many psychological boundaries within themselves." The legal consequences are part of the psychological aspect. Right? How could they not be? When GSA happens to someone and they start researching, whats the #1 thing they look up? Incest tops the list. Most people dont even know what GSA is! I have been vocal about the legal aspect of GSA for obvious reasons and not so obvious reasons. Alot of the things I have to say about the legal are for good reasons. I don't want to see anyone go to jail or even have to deal with being questioned about it. My attitude towards the legal part didn't come till much later in my GSA. In the beginning, None of that mattered. I never felt it was "wrong" even though I was cheating on my hub. He was my brother! It didn't count. If you want to talk about the psychological only, well then thats great! Let's go. I'm ready for anything. Honestly what helped me the most was finding people to talk to about the psychological aspect of it. How it affected me inside my mind. I boo-hoo the sex part because that part is what messed up my relationship with my brother BIG TIME I've shared alot about what happened with us on this site. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. No need to re-live all of it, just trying to give some of yall a clue as to why I have my opinions on certain things. So Vin, How do we start this discussion? I never studied psychology, where do we go from here? __________________ Rae READ:: / DOWNLOAD::Barbara Gonyo s e Book http://www.amazon.com/His-Mother-But...3684136&sr=8-1

10-02-2011, 10:10 PM	#2
roeschoice Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Onatario Posts: 27	Rae People have been already hurt! The "hurt" began at the very beginning. At the time when we were separated from each other. That is the original hurt. It takes something like GSA to wake us up, help us heal and learn what love is. Healing happens when we no longer hurt. That is what healing means. Many of us have been hurting for years, only we've become enured to it, we've accepted it, or buried it so deep we wouldn't let it touch us, because it was far too painful for us to even look at. We may have had other events in our lives which asked us to look at healing, and if you look at the Laws of Attraction - you get what you focus on! This phenomenon is a huge sign saying Hey! It's time you started living a life, without pain, without being someone for somebody else, it's time to wake up! The psychology of GSA begins at the very beginning. It begins with boding. It ends with bonding. For mothers and their babies, it began at time they were removed from each other. That hurt was immeasurable. And where I go next with this will have some people here questioning me, but this is what I know - for fathers, it happens when the mother is not available, for whatever that reason might be, and for brothers and sisters, it is when both parents are unavailable, it is a natural progression to bonding. It is not something within our brains. It is something within our bodies. It is not our brain that is affected. It is our chemical make up. If it was our brain, all the therapy I have had would have "cured" me of my feelings and responses, and I can truthfully say, I have had GSA for 20 years, and it hasn't gone away for either my son or myself. It can't. Unless someone finds a drug to cure it, we're stuck with it I'm afraid. As I've said earlier, there are many layers upon layers here, and it takes an open mind to work through it, understand it and accept it. Learning what your body does, how it reacts, how it feels, is the key. Our thoughts actually come second to our bodily response. It is our thoughts that make it a maze of guilt, shame and fear. It's how we've been trained to think in this. Try changing your thoughts. Once you change your thoughts, you will find that everything you "feel" within GSA, remains exactly the same. Each time you are with your Beloved, your body will respond in exactly the same way as it did before. And no amount of therapy changes that. We just learn to deal with it and ourselves in a healthier way. Our mind plays tricks on us. It's not the brain that is affected here. It is not a psychological response, we do not have a mental illness, we were perfectly okay before this began weren't we? Love and respect Roe

10-02-2011, 10:21 PM	#4
roeschoice Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Onatario Posts: 27	Vin You and I are on the same page - what a delight to have someone speaking the same language after all this time. Roe

10-02-2011, 11:00 PM	#8
roeschoice Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Onatario Posts: 27	No Myshadow, it's who WE are ourselves that create those attitudes. Sex doesn't create an attitude. It's our attitude to it that does. Like a thought. Sex is only sex. It's HOW we think about it that creates the issues and the attitudes and the pain. Sex, when given and received in love and of it, is still sex, but it takes on a different meaning if it isn't used to manipulate, control or possess - or use it to keep a relationship going when that relationship is only used for the physical. There are some, if not many, in these relationships who do use it only for the physical and not to build a healthy relationship within it. That's where some of us get lost. Roe