In love with my half brother..and it all blew up in my face.

[Grace1]

Originally Posted by Allenbird

I totally understand. I am at that point in my relationship too though no one knows anything in our family, so it just gets to eat away at both of us.

Yes it was like this with myself and my brother, and i will tell you that eventually something has to give..it gets to be to much

[Allenbird]

Actually I don't know how she feels. I haven't talk to her about anything dealing with us in like 2-3 weeks. So I only assume it is eating away at her. It bothers me that I can't talk to her, not necesarily about this subject as I am not trying to ram it into the ground or anything. Just to talk and stuff.

[Grace1]

Hi Allenbird,

I have been where you are and so has my brother and if i could go back in time and change things i would. You are at a very dangerous point..nothing has happend but the thoughts are there and you cant get her out of your head. If i could go back in time and change something i would try to take steps back to see the situation clearly and if you are both in relationships its best to respect your partners and leave it as it is. Trust me i wish i had done that.

[Grace1]

I miss my brother terribly. This seperation is breaking me. But i know i am doing the right thing..giving him the time and space he needs to sort him and his marrige out. I really do hope they can sort things which im sure they can. I was thinking yesterday about the reasons why i am feeling hurt, and i thought that none of my pain really matters as long as he is happy...it dawned on me that i love him that much that as long as he can be happy with his wife and get through this thats all that matters to me. Im showing him real love by backing away and i wish i had done it sooner. We were both so consumed with the intense feelings of GSA that we both made choices im sure he wishes he could take back.

I cant help but wonder whats in store for me. Will i ever be able to feel this way about another man, will i ever be able to be close with my brother again. How am i supposed to or expected to watch from the sidelines as he moves forward with his family leaving me behind. I guess all i can do is hope for the best..it seems "best" will always be secound best. Is it so wrong of me to have wanted him all to myself. i never had the chance to have him at all because we wernt introduced as kids..and now because of this GSA stuff and how far we have taken the relationship im not even sure we can be part of each others lives at all. I have never had what ive truely wanted or needed ive always had to accept and lose out and here i am yet again losing and missing out.

[OutOfThisWorld]

The person I had a GSA encounter with and I have worked past and we now are able to have a "normal" relationship. It took us awhile to get past the feelings. We probably are not as close as we would be if GSA never had happened, but trust me, there is hope for you.
As far as talking to him about it, that of course depends on a lot of factors, starting with if he is willing to talk to you about it, and of course for you not be accusatory towards him or anything like that. It really just depends on everyone's personalities and each situation is different, I think. My GSA encounter and I talked, but it took us a few months before we talked, and then probably even a month after that before we actually seen one another. When we did see each other, everything was pretty normal, and he even told me that he was really glad we could spend time together without it turning into a GSA situation, and that he really enjoyed my company.

[OutOfThisWorld]

I personally feel like I will never feel feelings as strong as I did for my GSA partner with anyone ever again. The feeling is indescribable.
Honestly, I am okay with that. I don't want someone to consume my life that way again. And also, now when I look back at it, and my GSA partner and I have a normal relationship, we still have a special bond, that even if we aren't THAT close, I know I can trust him like I could never trust anyone else, and that is a great feeling, to have that amount of trust with him, and we still have a special unspoken bond that makes our relationship special. And after expereincing GSA with him, our actual relationship now is that much more special everytime we are together and bonding in a non-GSA way. You will miss him lke crazy, but if you can get past it, you will be much stronger. <3

[Grace1]

Yeah all of that makes sense and i am deffinatley hoping for the best. It just hurts a lot thats all.

[Grace1]

When you are gone..

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me

[Allenbird]

Thank you for the advice. Yeah idk if we can ever have a normal relationship. I would hope that we would. I do miss her alot. I haven't talked to her now in 3 days and I have to just send a message to know she is ok. No one else in the family really has contact with her.

[OutOfThisWorld]

Nice poem, Grace!