Was it really all just lies?

[Champion_reborn]

My h/b called me tonight after two weeks of not speaking to me. He called to tell me that he and his wife were going to go to counseling to try to work things out. He said he didn't mean to hurt me, that he didn't set out for things to turn out as they did. He said he hated to say it but everything he said to me was a lie. How can you tell someone that they are your soul-mate and lie? How can you tell someone that if situation was different, that you would be asking them to marry you and be lying? How can you beg someone not to stay with their spouse and be lying? How can you tell someone that you are willing to move away and start a new life together and be lying? How can you tell someone that you know you will love them until you die and be lying? I just don't understand. I didn't lie or exaggerate my feelings or what I was willing to do and endure. I am living it right now, my life is in shambles. My house isn't my house anymore because I see my children gone from it and I see reminders of the time spent there with my h/b. I have to move away from my mom and the town I live in for the same reasons. I am going insane. And now it was not only for nothing, but it was all lies.

I think he's making a mistake as they had problems before gsa entered into the picture. I'd rather see him try to find someone new who would treat him better and I told him this. I think in a couple of years he will be right back where he was when this started ... in an unhappy marriage, isolated from his family and treated like a child.

I know that I am going to be better off when I get through all the turmoil that is my life now, because I needed to get away from my stbx. That is clear to me now. I am so hoping that I will find something to finally make me happy and that there will have be a reason for all of this to have happened. That is what I hope.

[cedarforest]

I'm really sorry you're in the state you're in. There's a strong possibility that your h/b wasn't lying to you, either then, or now. Things change with time & circumstances. it's very likely that your h/b just realized the enormous price the two of you would pay for the illict relationship, & decided it was too high. In your heart, you probably know whether he was lying or not. You probably knew him better than anyone.

As you said, you can be a better & stronger person, once you emerge from this horrible/wonderful experience. Just as the the GSA experience itself, it all depends on the choices you make, going forward. I wish you peace & sanity.--cedarforest

[Allenbird]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear all of that. I can't believe he did that to you. Well better to know now before you got any further than to find out after you are in a relationship.

[OutOfThisWorld]

I agree with Cedarforest. I am really sorry that you are going through this and I hope that you can get through it.

[Champion_reborn]

Please understand to any who think ill of my h/b, he's not a bad person at all. I just think he's very confused and feels very alone right now. I love him dearly and always will no matter what. I do want him to be happy. I wanted to be what made him happy, because he made me very happy for the first time since I can remember. He's angry with me right now because I said something really stupid to him out of hurt and anger. But I was not angry at him strange as it sounds I was angry with the pain I was feeling. Despite what I posted, I am NOT angry with him and I do not think poorly of him. I love him still and always no matter what.

[art4me]

That is just it, Champion_reborn. We love our GSA's so much, and because this love is so intense it seems that it would be strong enough to endure the turmoils in the relationship. When we realize it does not... and as beautiful and powerful as it is, there is also huge consequences and painful decisions to be made in GSA relationships.

Picture This...

A clear glass fish bowl of water (no fish). Then put in a drop or two of red food coloring. (The red represents you.) Next put a drop or two of blue food coloring. (The blue represents your h/b). The colors swirl a bit and move towards the bottom of the bowl. Now imagine a spoon that represents GSA, mixing the two colors together in the bowl. What do you now have? The color purple.

When the GSA relationship ends, what happens next? Can the red be extracted from the blue? Can the blue be extracted from the red?

What do you do now with purple?

That is what makes this place, I think so difficult. What the hell are you suppose to do with purple?

Eventually, what happens in color theory... You would continue to add your red to the purple. Blue is no longer adding it's color. What happens next...

The purple will change...

You will get a deep rich red. The red is deeper than before and more solid, because once blue mixed in it.

[fullmarriageequality]

Originally Posted by Champion_reborn

I think he's making a mistake as they had problems before gsa entered into the picture. I'd rather see him try to find someone new who would treat him better and I told him this. I think in a couple of years he will be right back where he was when this started ... in an unhappy marriage, isolated from his family and treated like a child.

That could very well be the case, but it is something he's going to have to work out. Either his marriage will get better or it won't. Sounds like you want the best for him, whatever that is, and that's is true love on your part.