Well....

[so_insane]

Ok well I haven't gotten on here in quite some time since first telling everyone about my issues with my Dad. I got some great advice, some of which was harder to follow than I would have thought. A lot of people told me, "make sure you keep communicating with him, and be honest with each other." That was...like I said, surprisingly hard to do.

Dad came to visit for the first time in over a year and seeing him was like..its hard to explain. I'm going through a LOT of stuff right now (my best friend died, and my husband and I are divorcing) and it was like when youre falling off a cliff and youre just about to give up and let go, and then you feel someone grab you. Thats how it felt seeing him standing in my doorway.

He was here for a couple of weeks and it was great, other than the honesty thing...I was trying to keep him from being uncomfortable about what I had told him, and he was trying to keep me from being uncomfortable, and in the mean time, we wound up making each other even more uncomfortable than we would have been in the first place.

So anyways 4 days before he left we were talking...our wires had gotten crossed at some point and we had wound up arguing over it. So we were talking everything out and I finally told him what was really going on, and well....in the words of a 3rd grader...we did IT.

Not to be pornographic but..wowsas...a lot of people warned me that when that happens in this kind of relationship it can be incredibly intense and they werent lying a bit. It was like...tender...I dont know it was just amazing in every way you could possibly imagine.

When he left, I figured it would be harder because not only was I going to miss him as usual, there was also the added... emotions because of what had happened the last 3 nights he was here.

But suprisingly...instead of making it harder, and me missing him more, its almost like I have this...forgive me for being corny but..its like this warm glowing feeling in my chest, and when I get upset about everything that is going on in my life I think about that and its like..the one thing that ISN'T screwed up right now. It wasn't a moment of lust or our hormones being out of whack...it was just pure love between my dad and I...I've never felt anything like that before.

LOL I just realized that that I'm describing making love to my dad being the only thing that isnt messed up in my life...thats kinda funny.


I dont feel any guilt over what happened...I dont feel taken advantage of...he made sure thru out the entire process that I was happy with what was going on, and I KNOW that if I had hinted at being unhappy or apprehensive with what was happening, it wouldnt have continued...I could feel it. He asked me all the time afterwards " are you happy?" and i am " are you still glad I'm your daddy?" and I'm happy about that too. I dont want to marry him or anything like that...I LOVE this the way it is..I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world...not even for being "normal"


Something I was thinking about right after he left was..how it didnt feel wrong at all. I've had experiances with a certain person and the entire thing just felt wrong in every way and I felt dirty afterwards.
But with this...it was great, and I'm happy. Whether or not it ever happens again, I'll have those 3 nights to look back on and smile about...and its great.

I just thought I would let you guys know how everything has turned out so far.