My Story, My Love, My Life

[couRAGEous]

A big HELLO to everyone We are newbies.... This story was written by my HB shedMYskin...and you'll come to know me as couRAGEous...His posting isn't working so I'm posting our story for him....



Wow where do I begin?....I’ve known I had a sister since I was about 8yrs old but I never knew her, never got to spend anytime with her or get to know her as a person. We have the same dad but different moms, she lived with her mom and I lived with mines....well i still do as bad as it sounds. She never knew I existed or that the dad she was raised by was not even her biological father, her mom told her nothing about us, she had to find out later on that she had a different father. Our birth certificates show that we have both different parents. Then in 2004 when I was 16 and she was 23 she called me on Christmas day and I got my chance to speak to the girl that I would later fall completely in love with. She went through hell trying to get in contact with my dad and she found out she had identical twin brothers here. The first time we started speaking I felt normal, I didn’t have deep feelings for her, but the conversations were great and she was so cool to talk to. But when she sent me a photo of herself I was instantly attracted to her. When she came to visit me I followed her everywhere she went and we hit if off real good, yet the feelings weren’t there as it is now. God we have the same way of thinking and handling personal problems, we think exactly alike and we always finish each others sentences...I forgot to mention we have a striking resemblance..We have the same beautiful big eyes, eye brows,our smiles and teeth even look the same and same fullness and shape of our lips and dimples..same facial structure, as well as profile view.. She’s extremely beautiful to me and I always tell her that...neways before I go off topic. She met our dad I forget the date and they got along well, but while she was here he never went to visit her or anything and as quickly as she came into his life she left it and he didn’t even try to be a dad and talk to his daughter..I hate him for that...That visit was only for a couple hours, and we lost contact for about two years for reasons that are left unspoken...in June of this year we started talking again..

She’s 26 now and im 19...she found me twice.. And im never letting her out of my sight again..I tell her all the time that I will never be half a foot step away. Now I didn’t want to tell my parents how I felt.. My brother went and told everyone of my love for her and im to blame because I told him shit that I should have kept secret..but I thought you could trust family...he was jealous, he had the same GSA feelings, but she didn't feel the same. He told trying to hurt her for personal reasons..he hurt me too...I’ve been threaten by my mother that she would throw me out the house while im in college, I ve been scarred emotionally..we both have..god its so much to write and my brains not working lol....as of now im going to school to get my Phd degree and move somewhere where its legal and safe to love kin...arguments at home...cops being called...verbal abuse...emotional heartache and pain...We cant even be together now and that’s what hurts the most. We are both single..I will always be reminded of he ex because he left behind his own proof of existence...a baby..I'll love that baby like hes my own..Its not to bad her ex lives in a completely different state.He calls ever now and then, but she never sees him...She has custody of her son...It makes it alot easier..

I want to be able to touch her and love her how I want so were planning on visiting each other until I get a place here while I go to school then in two years were going across seas so I can go to graduate school...she always wants the best for me and I want only the greatest for her..she’s my heart and soul, she’s my foundation she’s my everything id die for her id do anything for her....Were completely in love with each other were each others best friend...We want to have kids soon, and my mom tells me “if you guys have kids that’s not my grandson” and im like I don’t give a fuck if you approve or not...none of my parents approve of this...to me its not whether they approve of this or not its just the fact that they know...but knowing is half the battle.. I want to make her the happiest girl ever...she’s so creative and funny and intelligent and that drives me insane...we always get high off each others company when we talk on the phone when we instant message...were always so grateful to be in each others presence...right now were just waiting and hoping things get better for us and we can have that life one day to live happily and carefree... all we want to do is live life how we want to live it....nothing would makes us happier..this month I plan on visiting her where she lives, my mom told me if you ever go there I wont have a home here...I don’t think shed throw me out in the street anyways especially now its getting cold and I have college to go to....I need this visit...BAD

I would love to receive advice from anyone with GSA, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Im so in loves with her. What would the legal rights associated with this type of situation??and info on if we want to start a family??? Thank you.

[Red]

First of all, I just want to welcome you both. I live in the UK so obviously our legal system is probably slightly different to the US, but over here this kind of relationship is still illegal, prob because society can't get its head around it and still seems to think that GSA = incest = abuse. My fb and I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years and I can honestly say that it's been the best and worst time of my life - we've been through hell and back but we're still together and living proof that these kind of relationships can and do work. We are currently trying for our own baby after losing one a little while ago and my fb is bringing my other kids up as his own, so I can see why you would want to have your own child together. I wish you both the very best and nothing but happiness for the future.

Take care

Red xxx

[ShedMYskin]

Hey Red, thanks so much for the warm welcome, this site has introduced us to a whole new world, its liek i took a step into another dimension lol, neways yes ive heard that this type of relationship is the best you can ever experience and it feels so already...sure just like "regular" relationships you might have your hardships but its all worth it...im so sorry to hear about the lost of your child must have been difficult to pull through...i know the lifestyle wont be as easy but thats why its good to go some place and start over where no one knows you...i want to have a child so that i can have something to love as my own...so i can be that dad i never had..so i can start my own little clan..i want us as a happy family..open- minded non-judgemental, and with my HS i know this can become a reality, shes perfect in my eyes..i loves her to death...thanx for the wishes, i hope all gets wel lfor you guys.

All the best

N.P

[Sasha]

Hi. Welcome to all you newbies out there! Courageous and Shedmyskin - good luck to you both.

I have been reading from this forum on and off for a month or so. Been listening or sorry, reading most of the threads here but been too embarrassed/shy/I don't know what, to register and post. Done it now though!!

I've been trying to understand what is going on with me and my nbro. My story is like this:

I met my nbro 8/9 months ago. We hit it off straight away and me and my hubby got on well with his partner also. A couple of weeks later, I could tell that their relationship wasn't how it would seem. I still didn't know my nbro very well so I didn't approach the subject until maybe a month later. He told me that they'd not been a proper couple for years and that he thought of his partner more as a good friend. This was evident! They have just recently split up and this was going to happen way before I came on the scene.

Well, really from the word go, we were texting like crazy and talking loads on the phone. It was all so childish but meant the world to us and no one else could understand, especially our spouses!! We would text and talk late at night etc, never talking about anything wrong though at this time.

One day though, my nbro had been over with his partner for the night. The next day after they'd gone home, I got a call from my nbro (he was quite drunk-family bbq) asking why I hadn't hugged him properly when he'd left.
I was stalling for an answer and then I thought, god, I've got to tell him why! I told him the reason I couldn't hug him properly was cos of the feelings I was having. Told him that in one of the books I had read, it mentioned GSA. He couldn't believe it at first and then he rang back later and said that he had been having the same feelings but couldn't work it out and was disgusted about what he felt. I told him all about what I had read and he felt so much better but still cautious.

Anyway, 8 months later and we still have a really strong bro and sis relationship. Neither of us have crossed the line but we have been in the situation so many times when we could have. For instance, the other weekened, he came over and my hubby went to bed as me and my bro can stay up very late, and we talked about my bro's new love interest. We always have a good hug when we see each other and again when we leave each other, just as normal sibs would do, but that night we had major cuddles. For some reason, my nbro lifted me on his lap and cuddled me and kissed my neck. This has never happened before but at the time, I just went with it and knew it was because he was going through such a hard time with a 11 year relationship that had just broke down and a new one beginning and to top it off, his new sister being there for him, he was just so glad he had a sister there to help him through all of this. Nothing happened cos I made sure it didn't turn in to anything. So easily could have done though!

Well, over the months we've both known about this GSA business cos I did talk to him about it and we said it would just take it's course. Neither of were going to give in to it, me especially as I have a hubby and kids.

We have been in so many situations and alone where it could have happened and I haven't let it. Neither has he! But I know from talking to him about it sometimes that if one of us had initiated it, then all hell would have broken loose!!

Why I am posting really is cos, he has just started seeing a friend of his exes who he started seeing before they'd actually broken up. This is so not him! He has never been unfaithful in his life but has now.

Well, I am struggling with this to say the least. He's asking me what to do as the girl he is seeing is his best mates ex. Only just ex though!

I've given him the usual speeches that anyone would give but I'm holding back cos I'm jealous as hell that he's got someone else.

When we were together last weekend he admitted that he still had feelings for me in that way 'sometimes' even though he'd told me months ago that they had gone.

I was actually getting over it until he started again. Now I'm totally obsessing, and I mean obsessing.

Cos of this, I am acting really strange with him on the phone (we text every day and speak every couple of days anyway). He knows when I'm not right and wants to know why but I can't say as he only brings this stuff up when he's had a drink. We have learned to live with it and not to go on about it cos it obviously gets in the way of our own relationships. I have a hubby and kids and he adores my kids so much and they love him so much (obviously not as much as their dad but close 2nd).

He is starting out on a new relationship and there's no way that I'm going to sabotage that but I so hate it.

What I am doing though (which is so wrong) is, making him feel guilty in other ways. I'm telling him that I'm in a bad place right now (which I so am) and that I don't want to drag him down with me, so should stay away. I'm basically saying that cos I'm struggling with the whole adoption stuff, that I need space.

It's all totally correct, but I'm not telling him why I'm in this bad place. Can't do that!

So what have I started doing now (which is so, so, so hard), I'm starting to igmore his texts which he sends daily.

I don't want him thinking that I'm obsessed, so this way, I feel that he'll feel that something else is wrong. Hell, I don't know the answers here.

I just want him to be a real brother that I can talk to and tell him all the rubbish stuff I'm going through etc. I don't need all this extra baggage. Life is too hard as it is.

This is just making it so painful

I would love to tell him exactly how I feel cos we've only ever mentioned it from what a books point of view would say.

I wish I could tell him that actually 'I am so in love with you' but that is not going to happen, as iit's crossing the line.

I've been so strong up to now and I'm not going to give in! I've got too much to lose!!

I'm an absolute mess. I'm not eating, I'm drinking loads. I Just don't seem to care about ME anymore. I'm just giving up!

[couRAGEous]

Sasha...I very BIG welcome to you...Thank you for replying to our post..You have to open up sooner are later...It feels so much better to get it all out then keeping it all in...

I don't know how you can love him so much..Then act like the feeling aren't as intense.. Man I'm so deeply, completely, crazy in love with my HB..He mean the world to me and more..I love him with every fiber of my being..I've experienced love before, but I always felt like my heart was missing something..I always had an emptiness, a void that need to be filled..Then the day I found my HB .my life changed for the better..Its a change that was a long time coming..He is the ANSWERS to all my greatest questions..I know no one can love me like he does..No one can make me feel like he does..His love is sweet, pure, magical, strong, caring...Theres so much to love about him...He has the most beautiful mind thats so beyond complex..Hes so intellegent..He has a great sense of humor..i'm always tickled by him..i swear his eyes i could get lost in..within seconds..His smile is electric..when I see him smile I want to smile..He has an amazing effect on me..We communicate well with each other..He reads me well even though I hate to say he can...He always knows somethings wrong..He truely is my better half..he is my best friend, my soul mate..

Without him I know Id be sick to my stomach, and id be in physical and emotional pain...My hurt would feel hurt..I can't put myself through that kind of depression if I don't have to be...I choose to be with my HB and he chooses me....

I know society says your not suppose to love like this, but I dont care what society thinks of me..Im to couRAGEous for that..LOL...I believe when love that has the power of blowing you away as this love does you shouldn't ignore it..Take it and hold on tightly and never let go of it..This love can offer so much you have to give it a chance to grow and become what its capable of becoming..Its like a diamond in the rough..You have to see it's beauty..you can't wait for someone to tell you its beautiful...

[ShedMYskin]

I agree, i could never ever imagine trying to or actually ignoring my HS, shes the love of my life, i couldnt be at peace knowing that my feelings for her are more than it should be and not dong anything about it it would kill me, i wouldnt eat, i wouldnt sleep, id even probably stop going to school because id be so depressed and thoughts of commiting suicide would soon follow, shes my life and if i give her up in giving up my will to live..Sasha just follow your heart, if your in love with your brother then let him know..thats my opinion you'll never be completely happy until you let it be and just see where it goes from there...what if its the best thing you ever expererience??? what if its not?? you wont know until you try, that way if things dont work out you'll know and you can move on with your life..my HS is my baby, shes my heart man...im so in love with her...i feel great when im around her, she has a great aura about her....i cant get enough of it..shes the best and shes the only woman i want in my life for as long as i live...I LOVE HER!! but sasha dont think twice before you follow your heart but like my love says also think with logic, its ok to over-analyze. that way alot of things may be avoided...

take care of yourself.
N.P