lots of questions about father/daughter GSA

justagirl · 09-27-2007, 08:52 PM

i've been lurking on this site for a while now, i've decided to register and post because i need some advice badly.

I met my birth father when i was 17, he had known my mother was pregnate with me but he never saw me and he was not on my birth record. I found out that the man that raised me wasnt my father when my mother passed away from cancer when i was 16, she told my aunt, who then told me.
When I met my birth father, we immediatly became friends. he had been looking for me for years but because of the circumstances under which i was conceaved he didnt have much information to go on. apparently him and my mother had a one night stand and he found out she was pregnate thru a mutual friend.

like i said, we became friends right away and i began to notice that i was attracted to him, when he would come visit i would act like i was going on a date, doing my hair and make up. when he would talk about other women in his life i would get jealous and i couldnt figure out why.
i talked to him about it and he admitted to having the same feelings for me and about a year ago we made love for the first of many times.

the problem i have is that i dont view him as a father, because i had a father in my life. he wasnt a good one, he was very mean and abusive to both me and my mother, but that is who i consider to be my father.
how do i tell him that i dont see him as a dad, that i see him as a lover and a sole mate and that if he would just say so, i would be his forever. i dont know if that would upset him or not. part of me thinks he feels the same way, we tell each other daily how much we are in love with one another, but i still dont know.
is there anyone on here that has gone thru this and knows where im coming from? i just want someone to talk to about this because there isnt anyone i can talk to without getting ridiculed for what has happened and i dont understand it because im not ashamed at all. you cant control who you fall in love with, and i am so in love with him it hurts. it hurts when he talks about his girlfriend. he asks me, does it bother you that im with other women, well of course it does, you cant just sleep with someone and not care that they are doing the exact same thing, and saying the exact same words to someone else.
i hope someone comments this post because I am so broken up about this i dont know what to do. i dont want anyone but him for the rest of my life.

5Kmom · 09-27-2007, 09:41 PM

Quote: i talked to him about it and he admitted to having the same feelings for me and about a year ago we made love for the first of many times.

I am wondering, when you and your father talked about your mutual feelings before you began having sex, just what did he say?

Quote: it hurts when he talks about his girlfriend. he asks me, does it bother you that im with other women, well of course it does, you cant just sleep with someone and not care that they are doing the exact same thing, and saying the exact same words to someone else.

If he is unmarried (and I am assuming you are too), does he have reasons for seeing other women?

Quote: he had been looking for me for years....

I guess I'm confused about what his commitment to the relationship is at this point... was he looking for you because he wanted to be a father to you?

Quote: the problem i have is that i dont view him as a father, because i had a father in my life.

If you have been reading other posts on this site, you will find comfort in the fact that you are not alone in this feeling. Many reunited children and parents have no reference point (other than the facts of their biology) for the "roles" they are supposed to assume. You have no history as a child with this parent, and he has not yet been a father to you, so of course you do not view him in that way.

Some others have found it helpful to post questions or feeling on this site and work through them with the help of those who respond. Maybe that will be helpful for you, as well. Keep writing and thinking and exploring motivation, feelings and realities. This is a safe place to do that.

The only other thing I will add is that I hope you are of legal age to be making the choices you are making.... I couldn't really tell by your post, but it does appear that you are over 18, but that is still quite young.

There are many who are 'here' for you if you need us -
5Kmom

justagirl · 09-27-2007, 11:12 PM

Yes I am 23..We didnt make love until about a year ago, so I was well over the legal age.

Neither one of us are married, although he does have a steady girlfriend. He lives in another state so I'm guessing that is why he sees other women.

About him looking for me...he was looking for a long time because he knew my "father" was an alchohlic and very abusive, but the thing is the entire time he was looking for me he was thinking of me as a child and when we met i was practicly an adult.

When I told him about my attraction for him, what he said was, yah I understand I'm having the same problem.

I dont know what to do...

lostsister · 09-30-2007, 02:55 AM

Dear Girl,
Whossshhhh....hmmm....Oh Dear....Your situation seems a little more complicated.....
If your Father still sees his Girlfriend, and other women, well.....I question whether he really has GSA, because you will see by reading other peoples posts, in most cases this condition Prohibits even the thought of intimate relationships with anyone else....(tho some are married and have to keep up the OTHER relationship, but it is really hard for them)
In the case of Mutual GSA, the BOND is so intense that anyone else is posatively and definately EXCLUDED, though some may try , in the end they return back to their beloveds with even more conviction and assurity.

Hmm.....

Are you still intimate with him regularly
or was it for a time and its stopped now?

Does he make you feel loved and cherished, you say you dont view him as a father, then How does he Treat you? If its as his lover, then there is a serious transgression here with the other women in his life...
and If he treats you like a his Daughter, then there is also something seriously out of kilter.....

What exactly would you want from him if you could ask for anything at all ?

Sending you love Girl

LOST SISTER

Victor · 10-02-2007, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostsister

If your Father still sees his Girlfriend, and other women, well.....I question whether he really has GSA, because you will see by reading other peoples posts, in most cases this condition Prohibits even the thought of intimate relationships with anyone else....(tho some are married and have to keep up the OTHER relationship, but it is really hard for them)
In the case of Mutual GSA, the BOND is so intense that anyone else is posatively and definately EXCLUDED, though some may try , in the end they return back to their beloveds with even more conviction and assurity.

Excellent point, LS. As a father in a GSA relationship with my daughter, she has insisted that I date others (she's married), and I find that I just can't follow thru with any of them past the first meeting. I want only one person in my life....my daughter. She would rather have me, but loves her husband and feels committed to making their marriage work. I seriously question your BF's intentions and attractions. If he has a "steady" girlfriend then why is he dating ANYONE ELSE? Sounds to me that he is more of a "player" than anything else. It would be best for you to assume that he does NOT have a GSA attraction for you and move on before he hurts you in the end.

Neon · 10-30-2007, 02:12 PM

Hello,
This is my first post, My daughter and I have had sexual relations for 3 years now, The attraction is so powerful, When we appear in public, Everyone notices that we look so much alike. Its like looking in a mirror.
Then, When you make love and you look into each other's eyes as you're making love, Its like you're conjoined together as 1 person, Not 2.
Now, She is so comsumed by Jealously, It has drove us apart.
We are both married to seperate spouces.
Sorry, This is so brief.
I wish that I had time to tell you the whole story, Another time.
The Jealously has split us apart, She has become comsumed with every move I do with my wife.

BarbGonyo · 10-31-2007, 03:22 PM

Hello Neon,

I thought I would acknowledge your post and give you my opinion. I don't think the a GSA sexual relationship is any different than any other sexual relationship where people love each other.

With the sex goes betrayal if one or both of the partners are married to other partners. Betrayal also if children are involved.

Jealousy is not unusual. Even though you may not be loyal to your marriage mates, you expect your GSA interest to have loyaly to you but not their legal mates. ( When I say you, I mean everyone with this issue, I'm not pointing you out specifically.)

One of the big problems with GSA is wanting it all. We want to keep our families in tact. We want to keep our affair secret. But we want everyone to know that we love each other and feel we have a right to a sexual relationship.

In the real world, it doesn't work that way and rarely can the relationship go smoothly for too long.

I'm sorry that you feel you lost your daughter to her jealousy but I would say you lost her to your sexual relationship. I understand that she was an adult, but you are still her father and she is still your child emotionally and needed to be told no to a sexual relationship. For her it became ownership of you, the father she had lost.

Unless I'm reading you all wrong and you were never separated but decided to have a relationship with your daughter. That is considered a crime. I'm afraid in todays society it is also considered a crime in a GSA relationship and could cause many problmes.

I hope you will read a lot of the posts here to see what is happening to others.

Thank you for writing.
Barb Gonyo

Neon · 11-01-2007, 12:59 PM

Hi Barb,
Thank You for your reply,
Yes, We were seperated at her birth, I was 15 years old when my daughter was born and we gave her up for adoption, I'm 52 and she is 37. Come to find out, The entire time she was raised, She was about 5 miles down the road where I lived the entire time my daughter grew up.

Yes, It takes two to tangle, I've been with my daughter for 3 years now and we have great times together, We always get along so great when we are together, She has always been at a point that she wants to please me by doing Sexual favors for me any place, any time and I'm not complaining, she has a Huge Libido and that's on her mind all the time when we are together.

I'm a little bit differant, I love to take her out to a nice dinner or a nice lunch, She never gets taken out because her husband doesn't make that much money and she works full time to support 3 children.

So, When I do take her out, I have to warn her to be on her best behavior, She loves to flirt with me right in front of people and they can tell we are related just by looking at us, People tell us all the time that they can tell we are related, Most of the time they think we are brother and sister.

My daughter loves to torment my wife of 31 years, She call's my wife up and tell's my wife things that make her upset/Mad. My wife knows that my daughter does this in hope my wife will leave our marriage, I have never told my wife anything, But, My wife has told me many times that she knows My daughter and I have had past sexual relations, But, I just deny them, I have to, I love my wife with all my Heart, She is 49 and I have been with her since High school.

My wife is not the mother that gave birth to my daughter.

My wife and daughter hate each other. I just wish that they could get along.

My Son in law doesn't like me, But, I have never done nothing mean to him, But, My daughter has told me many times that she compairs me to him and he doesn't like that, I can't blame him, But, I have no Ill feeling for him.

Anyhow, For the last year, I have tried to maintain an unsexual relationship and then when we get together, She begs me to let her perform oral sex on me and I tell her, Thank You, But, No thank you, But, She persists until she gets what she wants, I think its like a pacifier for her and it makes her happy.

This really creaps me out talking about the Sex stuff out loud.

I don't need to go into detail stuff that we do, I know this web site is for feelings/Emotions, Not, Porno stories.

Anyhow, My daughter has dreams that some day we will be together and everyday, She ask's me, Will you please take me away ?

I love her to death and I use to have those kind of feelings like the ones she likes, But, Over the last year, Month by month, My feelings have changed, I just want to have a normal relationship with her, But, She is bound and determined that someday We will be together, Even if that includes stepping on my wife.

Anyhow, My daughter has become this Jealous Monster and she admits that she is this Jealous monster But, She has told me many times she can't help it.

I still chat briefly with her on the Inter-Net, Even though we only 5 minutes from each other.

I love my daughter, I know the Sex with this GSA stuff has a grip on me still, And it has a Major Grip with my daughter and she knows what GSA is.

I have another daughter that I raised since she was born, She is absolutely stunning, But, I have never thought of doing anything to her but raising her, She is 27 and is married. I just wished that I would of never crossed that fine line with my other daughter that I gave up for adoption.

I see noe barb that you tell people , Please, Don't cross that line to sexual relations, But, Its like a magnet, and your feelings make you feel like you are going crazy.

Before anything ever happened with my daughter, Her and I sat down with the Adoption people and tried to get records that legally show that we are Father and daughter, But, They wouldn't release any paper work showing that, But, The case worker kept telling us that we need counseling, I think that case worker knew about GSA and didn't say anything to us, I wish she would have. I felt dirty and like a pervert in the beginning, But, As time past by, The Sex was Magnificent-Powerful, It was like nothing I have ever felt before, The emotions are running 1000 miles per hour while you are making love.
Its enough to make a grown man Cry !!

Now, I feel empty inside, But, My wife and I have our 1 on 1 marriage back like it use to be.

I miss my daughter and I know she miss's me, She tells me that she feels like she is in Hell even though she has a Husband of 10 years and 3 children.

Speaking of HELL, That's another main reason that I seperated from my daughter.

We are on this earth for only a short time, But, I don't want my daughter nor I to burn in Hell for our Sins.

Her and I use to laugh about our relationship and make that Banjo sound from Dueling Banjos from that movie "Deliverance". We thought it was great at what we had and we always have a great time together, Its when we are not together is when its not great.

I love my wife and I don't want to loose 30 years we have spent together and I love my daughter, But, Not in the same way my daughter Loves me.

The seperation from my daughter has only been around 3 weeks, But, It seems like 3 years.

If my typing is messed up and some things are spelled wrong or the words are misplaced, Its because I have to be careful when I type this up, For I don't want anyone to walk by and read this while I am typing it, Sorry for the mistakes........
Thanks..
Neon..

09-27-2007, 08:52 PM	#1
justagirl Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3	lots of questions about father/daughter GSA i've been lurking on this site for a while now, i've decided to register and post because i need some advice badly. I met my birth father when i was 17, he had known my mother was pregnate with me but he never saw me and he was not on my birth record. I found out that the man that raised me wasnt my father when my mother passed away from cancer when i was 16, she told my aunt, who then told me. When I met my birth father, we immediatly became friends. he had been looking for me for years but because of the circumstances under which i was conceaved he didnt have much information to go on. apparently him and my mother had a one night stand and he found out she was pregnate thru a mutual friend. like i said, we became friends right away and i began to notice that i was attracted to him, when he would come visit i would act like i was going on a date, doing my hair and make up. when he would talk about other women in his life i would get jealous and i couldnt figure out why. i talked to him about it and he admitted to having the same feelings for me and about a year ago we made love for the first of many times. the problem i have is that i dont view him as a father, because i had a father in my life. he wasnt a good one, he was very mean and abusive to both me and my mother, but that is who i consider to be my father. how do i tell him that i dont see him as a dad, that i see him as a lover and a sole mate and that if he would just say so, i would be his forever. i dont know if that would upset him or not. part of me thinks he feels the same way, we tell each other daily how much we are in love with one another, but i still dont know. is there anyone on here that has gone thru this and knows where im coming from? i just want someone to talk to about this because there isnt anyone i can talk to without getting ridiculed for what has happened and i dont understand it because im not ashamed at all. you cant control who you fall in love with, and i am so in love with him it hurts. it hurts when he talks about his girlfriend. he asks me, does it bother you that im with other women, well of course it does, you cant just sleep with someone and not care that they are doing the exact same thing, and saying the exact same words to someone else. i hope someone comments this post because I am so broken up about this i dont know what to do. i dont want anyone but him for the rest of my life.

09-30-2007, 02:55 AM	#4
lostsister Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 53	Dear Girl, Whossshhhh....hmmm....Oh Dear....Your situation seems a little more complicated..... If your Father still sees his Girlfriend, and other women, well.....I question whether he really has GSA, because you will see by reading other peoples posts, in most cases this condition Prohibits even the thought of intimate relationships with anyone else....(tho some are married and have to keep up the OTHER relationship, but it is really hard for them) In the case of Mutual GSA, the BOND is so intense that anyone else is posatively and definately EXCLUDED, though some may try , in the end they return back to their beloveds with even more conviction and assurity. Hmm..... Are you still intimate with him regularly or was it for a time and its stopped now? Does he make you feel loved and cherished, you say you dont view him as a father, then How does he Treat you? If its as his lover, then there is a serious transgression here with the other women in his life... and If he treats you like a his Daughter, then there is also something seriously out of kilter..... What exactly would you want from him if you could ask for anything at all ? Sending you love Girl LOST SISTER __________________ "Pain bonds us closer together than Joy ever Can"

10-31-2007, 03:22 PM	#7
BarbGonyo Administrator Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 301	to Neon Hello Neon, I thought I would acknowledge your post and give you my opinion. I don't think the a GSA sexual relationship is any different than any other sexual relationship where people love each other. With the sex goes betrayal if one or both of the partners are married to other partners. Betrayal also if children are involved. Jealousy is not unusual. Even though you may not be loyal to your marriage mates, you expect your GSA interest to have loyaly to you but not their legal mates. ( When I say you, I mean everyone with this issue, I'm not pointing you out specifically.) One of the big problems with GSA is wanting it all. We want to keep our families in tact. We want to keep our affair secret. But we want everyone to know that we love each other and feel we have a right to a sexual relationship. In the real world, it doesn't work that way and rarely can the relationship go smoothly for too long. I'm sorry that you feel you lost your daughter to her jealousy but I would say you lost her to your sexual relationship. I understand that she was an adult, but you are still her father and she is still your child emotionally and needed to be told no to a sexual relationship. For her it became ownership of you, the father she had lost. Unless I'm reading you all wrong and you were never separated but decided to have a relationship with your daughter. That is considered a crime. I'm afraid in todays society it is also considered a crime in a GSA relationship and could cause many problmes. I hope you will read a lot of the posts here to see what is happening to others. Thank you for writing. Barb Gonyo __________________ Barbara is the author of "I'm His Mother,but He's Not My Son" (formerly titled "The Forbidden Love, GSA". In the paper back edition of Forbidden Love, there are a total of 20 books left in that form. "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $2.31 Austrailia Fast Slower $8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks New I'm His Mother, but, He's Not My Son" will now be available electronically for your convience. The price is $15.00 check made out to Barbara Gonyo 906 Ioka Mt. Prospect, IL 60056 Upon receiving the order you will be given instructions on how to obtain the book. I hope this will be helpful to all of you who were having trouble getting the book. Barb Gonyo

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09-27-2007, 09:41 PM	#2
5Kmom Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 38	Quote: i talked to him about it and he admitted to having the same feelings for me and about a year ago we made love for the first of many times. I am wondering, when you and your father talked about your mutual feelings before you began having sex, just what did he say? Quote: it hurts when he talks about his girlfriend. he asks me, does it bother you that im with other women, well of course it does, you cant just sleep with someone and not care that they are doing the exact same thing, and saying the exact same words to someone else. If he is unmarried (and I am assuming you are too), does he have reasons for seeing other women? Quote: he had been looking for me for years.... I guess I'm confused about what his commitment to the relationship is at this point... was he looking for you because he wanted to be a father to you? Quote: the problem i have is that i dont view him as a father, because i had a father in my life. If you have been reading other posts on this site, you will find comfort in the fact that you are not alone in this feeling. Many reunited children and parents have no reference point (other than the facts of their biology) for the "roles" they are supposed to assume. You have no history as a child with this parent, and he has not yet been a father to you, so of course you do not view him in that way. Some others have found it helpful to post questions or feeling on this site and work through them with the help of those who respond. Maybe that will be helpful for you, as well. Keep writing and thinking and exploring motivation, feelings and realities. This is a safe place to do that. The only other thing I will add is that I hope you are of legal age to be making the choices you are making.... I couldn't really tell by your post, but it does appear that you are over 18, but that is still quite young. There are many who are 'here' for you if you need us - 5Kmom

09-27-2007, 11:12 PM	#3
justagirl Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3	Yes I am 23..We didnt make love until about a year ago, so I was well over the legal age. Neither one of us are married, although he does have a steady girlfriend. He lives in another state so I'm guessing that is why he sees other women. About him looking for me...he was looking for a long time because he knew my "father" was an alchohlic and very abusive, but the thing is the entire time he was looking for me he was thinking of me as a child and when we met i was practicly an adult. When I told him about my attraction for him, what he said was, yah I understand I'm having the same problem. I dont know what to do...

10-30-2007, 02:12 PM	#6
Neon Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2	Hello, This is my first post, My daughter and I have had sexual relations for 3 years now, The attraction is so powerful, When we appear in public, Everyone notices that we look so much alike. Its like looking in a mirror. Then, When you make love and you look into each other's eyes as you're making love, Its like you're conjoined together as 1 person, Not 2. Now, She is so comsumed by Jealously, It has drove us apart. We are both married to seperate spouces. Sorry, This is so brief. I wish that I had time to tell you the whole story, Another time. The Jealously has split us apart, She has become comsumed with every move I do with my wife.

11-01-2007, 12:59 PM	#8
Neon Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2	Hi Barb, Thank You for your reply, Yes, We were seperated at her birth, I was 15 years old when my daughter was born and we gave her up for adoption, I'm 52 and she is 37. Come to find out, The entire time she was raised, She was about 5 miles down the road where I lived the entire time my daughter grew up. Yes, It takes two to tangle, I've been with my daughter for 3 years now and we have great times together, We always get along so great when we are together, She has always been at a point that she wants to please me by doing Sexual favors for me any place, any time and I'm not complaining, she has a Huge Libido and that's on her mind all the time when we are together. I'm a little bit differant, I love to take her out to a nice dinner or a nice lunch, She never gets taken out because her husband doesn't make that much money and she works full time to support 3 children. So, When I do take her out, I have to warn her to be on her best behavior, She loves to flirt with me right in front of people and they can tell we are related just by looking at us, People tell us all the time that they can tell we are related, Most of the time they think we are brother and sister. My daughter loves to torment my wife of 31 years, She call's my wife up and tell's my wife things that make her upset/Mad. My wife knows that my daughter does this in hope my wife will leave our marriage, I have never told my wife anything, But, My wife has told me many times that she knows My daughter and I have had past sexual relations, But, I just deny them, I have to, I love my wife with all my Heart, She is 49 and I have been with her since High school. My wife is not the mother that gave birth to my daughter. My wife and daughter hate each other. I just wish that they could get along. My Son in law doesn't like me, But, I have never done nothing mean to him, But, My daughter has told me many times that she compairs me to him and he doesn't like that, I can't blame him, But, I have no Ill feeling for him. Anyhow, For the last year, I have tried to maintain an unsexual relationship and then when we get together, She begs me to let her perform oral sex on me and I tell her, Thank You, But, No thank you, But, She persists until she gets what she wants, I think its like a pacifier for her and it makes her happy. This really creaps me out talking about the Sex stuff out loud. I don't need to go into detail stuff that we do, I know this web site is for feelings/Emotions, Not, Porno stories. Anyhow, My daughter has dreams that some day we will be together and everyday, She ask's me, Will you please take me away ? I love her to death and I use to have those kind of feelings like the ones she likes, But, Over the last year, Month by month, My feelings have changed, I just want to have a normal relationship with her, But, She is bound and determined that someday We will be together, Even if that includes stepping on my wife. Anyhow, My daughter has become this Jealous Monster and she admits that she is this Jealous monster But, She has told me many times she can't help it. I still chat briefly with her on the Inter-Net, Even though we only 5 minutes from each other. I love my daughter, I know the Sex with this GSA stuff has a grip on me still, And it has a Major Grip with my daughter and she knows what GSA is. I have another daughter that I raised since she was born, She is absolutely stunning, But, I have never thought of doing anything to her but raising her, She is 27 and is married. I just wished that I would of never crossed that fine line with my other daughter that I gave up for adoption. I see noe barb that you tell people , Please, Don't cross that line to sexual relations, But, Its like a magnet, and your feelings make you feel like you are going crazy. Before anything ever happened with my daughter, Her and I sat down with the Adoption people and tried to get records that legally show that we are Father and daughter, But, They wouldn't release any paper work showing that, But, The case worker kept telling us that we need counseling, I think that case worker knew about GSA and didn't say anything to us, I wish she would have. I felt dirty and like a pervert in the beginning, But, As time past by, The Sex was Magnificent-Powerful, It was like nothing I have ever felt before, The emotions are running 1000 miles per hour while you are making love. Its enough to make a grown man Cry !! Now, I feel empty inside, But, My wife and I have our 1 on 1 marriage back like it use to be. I miss my daughter and I know she miss's me, She tells me that she feels like she is in Hell even though she has a Husband of 10 years and 3 children. Speaking of HELL, That's another main reason that I seperated from my daughter. We are on this earth for only a short time, But, I don't want my daughter nor I to burn in Hell for our Sins. Her and I use to laugh about our relationship and make that Banjo sound from Dueling Banjos from that movie "Deliverance". We thought it was great at what we had and we always have a great time together, Its when we are not together is when its not great. I love my wife and I don't want to loose 30 years we have spent together and I love my daughter, But, Not in the same way my daughter Loves me. The seperation from my daughter has only been around 3 weeks, But, It seems like 3 years. If my typing is messed up and some things are spelled wrong or the words are misplaced, Its because I have to be careful when I type this up, For I don't want anyone to walk by and read this while I am typing it, Sorry for the mistakes........ Thanks.. Neon..