pfffft

pfffft · 11-08-2007, 01:21 PM

I am married, have children, and have been in reunion with my biological family since 2003 when I searched and found them. i LOVE my family, I LOVE my husband. I LOVE my children.

I knew my cousin before I knew he was my cousin.

There was a mutual attraction, but nothing happened....that is...until AFTER reunion.

One night, we were drunk, and kissed alot. We were young, we left the house, because at the time he still lived with my aunt, and we went to the beach and kissed and cuddled until the sun came up, and we watched it rise, and agreed we'd never kiss or "hook up" again. He told me that night that the feelings he felt for me, were really confusing him, that he was so attracted to me, i seem like the perfect girl for him, but our family would disown us, maybe not him, but definately me.

Fast forward 5 years, and I still can't get my mind off of him. Every time I see him, I'm attracted to him, he's perfect in almost every way. I get really jealous when he's with other women, I want to be that woman.

Help me get over this, move on from this, and make it stop. Nothing can ever come of this, I need to stop these feelings for him, and I don't know how.

I feel ashamed, dirty, and like I'm going to hell. No offense to anyone else who is okay with it, because I could care less about what other people are doing, i don't judge others, only myself. I just want it to stop.

BarbGonyo · 11-08-2007, 03:38 PM

I find it interesting that you say how much you love your husband and your children and yet you are very attracted to your cousin.

I don't think it is unusual for people to find someone physically attractive and fantasize about that person. I think as sexual beings we are created to be attracted to others so that we will continue the human race.

Do I think you can love your husband and children and still be attracted to your cousin. Yes. But that doesn't mean that you must act on it. If we acted out our feelings for everyone we found attractive and drawn to, we would be in big trouble.

That is why we are supposed to have impulse control. You said you want the pain to go away. You might have to really work hard to realize that if you had a sexual encounter with him, even though he is a relative, it is still a betrayal to your husband who you love.

Sometimes people get confused by what love is and what physical attraction is. Love should last, physical attraction can get old.

Good luck with your dilema.
Barb G

pfffft · 11-08-2007, 05:27 PM

are you trying to tell me that its not possible to love someone and love my children and be attracted to my cousin?

I wasnt married when I kissed him. And I haven't acted on my feelings sense. But that doesn't change the feelings. That doesn't stop them.

I don't need a lesson on physical attraction, i know what love is, and I love my family. People can be in love and be attracted to others, it happens everyday, but it shouldn't be happening between my cousin and I, and it is.

I was looking for insight into why this is happening, not insight into what love really is and a question of if I really love my husband and kids.

maybe I came to the wrong forum.

good luck to you too.

anonymous · 11-12-2007, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pfffft

are you trying to tell me that its not possible to love someone and love my children and be attracted to my cousin?

That is the exact opposite of what Barb said:

(Barb wrote: "Do I think you can love your husband and children and still be attracted to your cousin. Yes. ")

Quote:

I wasnt married when I kissed him. And I haven't acted on my feelings sense. But that doesn't change the feelings. That doesn't stop them.

....

Quote:

I don't need a lesson on physical attraction,

....

Quote:

I was looking for insight into why this is happening, not insight into what love really is and a question of if I really love my husband and kids.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be getting a bit defensive and I cannot figure out why. I honestly didn't get anything negative or patronizing out of Barb's post. Perhaps you're reading something into her words that isn't actually there. I found her comments interesting (and relevant).

As for why it's happening, the very fact that you cannot pursue a relationship with him is probably making it more appealing. If you actually got together as a couple, you would probably date for awhile and then move on, as we do with most relationships. Since you're denied that opportunity, you're stuck in a perpetual idealization phase.

I have no answers for getting over those feelings, but I sympathize with your pain and I hope things improve for you soon.

11-08-2007, 01:21 PM	#1
pfffft Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2	pfffft I am married, have children, and have been in reunion with my biological family since 2003 when I searched and found them. i LOVE my family, I LOVE my husband. I LOVE my children. I knew my cousin before I knew he was my cousin. There was a mutual attraction, but nothing happened....that is...until AFTER reunion. One night, we were drunk, and kissed alot. We were young, we left the house, because at the time he still lived with my aunt, and we went to the beach and kissed and cuddled until the sun came up, and we watched it rise, and agreed we'd never kiss or "hook up" again. He told me that night that the feelings he felt for me, were really confusing him, that he was so attracted to me, i seem like the perfect girl for him, but our family would disown us, maybe not him, but definately me. Fast forward 5 years, and I still can't get my mind off of him. Every time I see him, I'm attracted to him, he's perfect in almost every way. I get really jealous when he's with other women, I want to be that woman. Help me get over this, move on from this, and make it stop. Nothing can ever come of this, I need to stop these feelings for him, and I don't know how. I feel ashamed, dirty, and like I'm going to hell. No offense to anyone else who is okay with it, because I could care less about what other people are doing, i don't judge others, only myself. I just want it to stop. Last edited by pfffft : 11-08-2007 at 01:39 PM.

11-08-2007, 03:38 PM	#2
BarbGonyo Administrator Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 301	I find it interesting that you say how much you love your husband and your children and yet you are very attracted to your cousin. I don't think it is unusual for people to find someone physically attractive and fantasize about that person. I think as sexual beings we are created to be attracted to others so that we will continue the human race. Do I think you can love your husband and children and still be attracted to your cousin. Yes. But that doesn't mean that you must act on it. If we acted out our feelings for everyone we found attractive and drawn to, we would be in big trouble. That is why we are supposed to have impulse control. You said you want the pain to go away. You might have to really work hard to realize that if you had a sexual encounter with him, even though he is a relative, it is still a betrayal to your husband who you love. Sometimes people get confused by what love is and what physical attraction is. Love should last, physical attraction can get old. Good luck with your dilema. Barb G __________________ Barbara is the author of "I'm His Mother,but He's Not My Son" (formerly titled "The Forbidden Love, GSA". In the paper back edition of Forbidden Love, there are a total of 20 books left in that form. "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $2.31 Austrailia Fast Slower $8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks New I'm His Mother, but, He's Not My Son" will now be available electronically for your convience. The price is $15.00 check made out to Barbara Gonyo 906 Ioka Mt. Prospect, IL 60056 Upon receiving the order you will be given instructions on how to obtain the book. I hope this will be helpful to all of you who were having trouble getting the book. Barb Gonyo

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11-08-2007, 05:27 PM	#3
pfffft Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2	are you trying to tell me that its not possible to love someone and love my children and be attracted to my cousin? I wasnt married when I kissed him. And I haven't acted on my feelings sense. But that doesn't change the feelings. That doesn't stop them. I don't need a lesson on physical attraction, i know what love is, and I love my family. People can be in love and be attracted to others, it happens everyday, but it shouldn't be happening between my cousin and I, and it is. I was looking for insight into why this is happening, not insight into what love really is and a question of if I really love my husband and kids. maybe I came to the wrong forum. good luck to you too.