Sister, best friend, lover

[osiris]

The more I read about this so-called GSA phenomenon, the more I realize that the story of my own relationship with my half-sister might not fall neatly into the category of "adoption, reunion, infatuation, confusion and anguish" that seems to be the pattern for many on this forum.

We were separated by circumstances of my mother's divorce and remarriage: I left home at 17, a year before she was born, because the house wasn't big enough for me and my stepfather. He and I eventually settled our differences, and I visited a few times. My half-sister was still a child then, and although I called her my sister, I considered her more my stepfather's daughter, and we didn't become terribly close. About 10 years ago, however, after I had moved overseas and gotten married, she started writing to me. I wrote back, and we developed a pen-pal kind of relationship.

Over the next few years, as she grew from shy teenager to confident young woman, we became very close friends (albeit separated by half a planet), offering each other advice and consolation as we each went through a series of unhappy relationships, including my own separation and divorce two years ago. Our relationship, while it had become very deep and loving and understanding, had never once hinted at becoming romantic or sexual.

Last summer, however, this all changed. She came to visit me here in Japan, and we met for the first time as adults. The attraction was immediate on both sides. From the moment I met her at the airport until the moment I we parted two months later, we were inseparable. Wherever we went, we found each other hand in hand, or arm in arm. We would snuggle under blankets, while watching TV, caressing one another. And every night our "goodnight hugs" lasted a little bit longer. The attraction was much more than merely physical: our 10-year-long conversation continued, our friendship and mutual trust deepened, and before long we had to admit that we were in love.

We were cautious, however. We knew that there were certain boundaries that we must never, never cross. Every day we piously assured each other that we would stop ourselves before reaching that terrible Point of No Return. And every night we would tiptoe just a little closer to it.

Well, we finally reached that point one morning, and sailed on past without a second glance. Afterwards, we held each other and cried, not out of shame or guilt, but because of the fact that the best, most profoundly magical act of lovemaking either of us had ever experienced...was also the one act that most of the world insists is the worst, most profoundly revolting act imaginable.

It certainly didn't seem that bad or revolting to us, and after our tears were dry we agreed that it was the world's problem, not ours. The weeks that followed were some of the happiest in our lives.

Before she left to return to the States (and a tearful farewell it was), however, we decided that it would be best if we didn't continue that particular aspect of our relationship, as painful as it might be to give it up. It was, we reasoned, too much to expect one of us to drop everything to be with the other, and besides that the fear of discovery weighed on us. The world's biggest taboo is not, after all, to be trifled with. Not when most of the world provides severe criminal penalties to back it up. We could, after all, still be brother and sister, best friends, and pen-pal confidants.

Well, as you might have guessed, this perfectly rational decision didn't last long. After two weeks, dozens of e-mails and telephone calls, and hundreds of IMs, we realized how unbearable the pain of separation had become, and resolved to be together one way or another. And so it is that I am now making plans to leave Japan next year, literally dropping everything to be with her, someplace where the risk of discovery and criminal prosecution is relatively low.

That's our story. Make of it what you will. Perhaps you will decide that we don't have "real" GSA after all. If so, that's fine. The fact is, my sister and I are in love with one another, and while it's interesting that a phenomenon with a catchy name exists to explain why, I have no plans to cancel my relationship because I now know about the Westermarck effect. My sister and I are not "suffering" from GSA, and we don't want to "get over" it. we want to get on with it.

In any case, I'm very happy to have found this site, and to read all of your stories. My sister is fond of quoting C.S. Lewis: "we read to know we are not alone." Nice to know that we're not alone.

[dn7]

where r u going to move to?

[osiris]

Originally Posted by dn7

where r u going to move to?

Well, that's the 50,000 dollar question, isn't it? Haha.

My sister and I have joked about moving to Sweden or Holland or France, or even about her moving here (Japan also has decriminalized consensual incest), but I like Argentina myself. Nicer climate, and more wide-open spaces.

In the meantime, I'm going to return to the States, and we'll just move to a relatively liberal state where somewhere nobody knows us, and be very discreet about our relationship. If Rachel and Shawn can "come out" on national TV without getting thrown into prison or burnt at the stake, I think we can live quietly and happily without too much fear [knocking on wood]. Hope so, anyway.

Cheers!

[Victor]

Originally Posted by osiris

The more I read about this so-called GSA phenomenon, the more I realize that the story of my own relationship with my half-sister might not fall neatly into the category of "adoption, reunion, infatuation, confusion and anguish" that seems to be the pattern for many on this forum.

We were separated by circumstances of my mother's divorce and remarriage: I left home at 17, a year before she was born, because the house wasn't big enough for me and my stepfather. He and I eventually settled our differences, and I visited a few times. My half-sister was still a child then, and although I called her my sister, I considered her more my stepfather's daughter, and we didn't become terribly close. About 10 years ago, however, after I had moved overseas and gotten married, she started writing to me. I wrote back, and we developed a pen-pal kind of relationship.

Over the next few years, as she grew from shy teenager to confident young woman, we became very close friends (albeit separated by half a planet), offering each other advice and consolation as we each went through a series of unhappy relationships, including my own separation and divorce two years ago. Our relationship, while it had become very deep and loving and understanding, had never once hinted at becoming romantic or sexual.

Last summer, however, this all changed. She came to visit me here in Japan, and we met for the first time as adults. The attraction was immediate on both sides. From the moment I met her at the airport until the moment I we parted two months later, we were inseparable. Wherever we went, we found each other hand in hand, or arm in arm. We would snuggle under blankets, while watching TV, caressing one another. And every night our "goodnight hugs" lasted a little bit longer. The attraction was much more than merely physical: our 10-year-long conversation continued, our friendship and mutual trust deepened, and before long we had to admit that we were in love.

We were cautious, however. We knew that there were certain boundaries that we must never, never cross. Every day we piously assured each other that we would stop ourselves before reaching that terrible Point of No Return. And every night we would tiptoe just a little closer to it.

Well, we finally reached that point one morning, and sailed on past without a second glance. Afterwards, we held each other and cried, not out of shame or guilt, but because of the fact that the best, most profoundly magical act of lovemaking either of us had ever experienced...was also the one act that most of the world insists is the worst, most profoundly revolting act imaginable.

It certainly didn't seem that bad or revolting to us, and after our tears were dry we agreed that it was the world's problem, not ours. The weeks that followed were some of the happiest in our lives.

Before she left to return to the States (and a tearful farewell it was), however, we decided that it would be best if we didn't continue that particular aspect of our relationship, as painful as it might be to give it up. It was, we reasoned, too much to expect one of us to drop everything to be with the other, and besides that the fear of discovery weighed on us. The world's biggest taboo is not, after all, to be trifled with. Not when most of the world provides severe criminal penalties to back it up. We could, after all, still be brother and sister, best friends, and pen-pal confidants.

Well, as you might have guessed, this perfectly rational decision didn't last long. After two weeks, dozens of e-mails and telephone calls, and hundreds of IMs, we realized how unbearable the pain of separation had become, and resolved to be together one way or another. And so it is that I am now making plans to leave Japan next year, literally dropping everything to be with her, someplace where the risk of discovery and criminal prosecution is relatively low.

That's our story. Make of it what you will. Perhaps you will decide that we don't have "real" GSA after all. If so, that's fine. The fact is, my sister and I are in love with one another, and while it's interesting that a phenomenon with a catchy name exists to explain why, I have no plans to cancel my relationship because I now know about the Westermarck effect. My sister and I are not "suffering" from GSA, and we don't want to "get over" it. we want to get on with it.

In any case, I'm very happy to have found this site, and to read all of your stories. My sister is fond of quoting C.S. Lewis: "we read to know we are not alone." Nice to know that we're not alone.

Real GSA involves absence long enough and infrequent enough for the Westermarck Effect not to take hold. It sounds to me like you have had such an absense, hence it sounds like you have GSA for your half sister. It is long absence and infrequent contact that can prevent the Westermarck Effect from happenning. Fathers who work multiple jobs and are away from their children often enough can fail to develop this Effect and end up with GSA for their daughters. In some families, even closeness can fail to produce this effect. I'm finding this out, slowly.

What GSA really is: it is a very "natural" reproductive drive in each of us to evolve our selves; to replicate our own genetic patterns by finding partners with similar genetic traits....the more similar the traits, the stronger the genetic attraction. Westermarck Effect, in most cases, imprints those in tight family units with an aversion for those who they have become familiar with. I wouldn't be surprized that Westermarck Effect is responsible for husbands and wives losing their sexual desires for one another because of that same familiarity over time. Not enough is known about this effect and genetic attraction to understand it's full range of impact. Just know that experienceing it doesn't make you a freak. It doesn't mean you are defective. It simply means you are normal, caught up in a socially abnormal though perfectly natural situation.

[amicrazy]

wow osiris i hope you and your half sister live happly ever after!!
my story is really close to yours the age difference is the same. i never lived with my half sister but visited every now and again. i would sing and play gutiar to her. then i moved away. i felt guilty like i abanded her. we would talk on the phone every once in a while. but i allways felt bad that i wasnt ther for her. our father got cancer and i came out to say good by and get a good last visit in with him. she was there too. we never really talked much me and dad. crazy being married and, falling in love, all why your dads dieing of cancer. this has to be GSA.
everything she felt was exactly what i felt. it was like she was perfect for me. she told me she wanted to be mine forever. and i feel the same. i had to go back to my life , and leave here to hers. my wife and i have been having problems for the past 5 years. shes an alcoholic and im at my wits end. i have 3 kids and i love them dearly. i hope i dont end up loosing them. man it sounds like theres a good chance you will be happy. its looking pretty grim here. anyway good luck im tired. its late. gotta work early...

[osiris]

Originally Posted by Victor

What GSA really is: it is a very "natural" reproductive drive in each of us to evolve our selves; to replicate our own genetic patterns by finding partners with similar genetic traits....the more similar the traits, the stronger the genetic attraction.
...
Just know that experienceing it doesn't make you a freak. It doesn't mean you are defective. It simply means you are normal, caught up in a socially abnormal though perfectly natural situation.

I agree with that, which is why I'm not terribly satisfied with the term GSA. All attraction is to some extent both sexual in nature and genetically determined, so all people therefore experience "genetic sexual attraction."

My somewhat facetious comments about "real GSA" were an oblique reference to another thread, where the poster was told he probably was not experiencing GSA, but rather "garden variety" incest.

I admit that my sister and I are an incestuous relationship, but would not stand for it to be referred to as "garden variety".

[Diogenes]

Osiris,

Good for you! It seems we've had very similar experiences, and have also developed a VERY similar view of the situation. It's nice to hear from someone else who sees GSA as a positive thing.

I was also separated from my half-sister by divorce, and while I knew her for the first 3 years of her life, we were completely out of contact for the next 18 or so. You hear cliches like, "...I never knew how empty I was until..." and "soul mates", but when it actually happens, that's JUST what it's like. After a couple of months, we were having sex at every opportunity. After a few more, we were living together, and we've never looked back. The transition from her previous relationship to the one we're in was rocky, and very difficult for her, but we are finally in a good place. I've never been this happy in my life.

I think that relationships like ours are exactly as emotionally healthy as the participants involved. It's really a perfectly natural reaction to an abnormal situation. I for one wouldn't trade what we have for every scrap of the validation the world has to offer. And the sex, well... I don't need to tell you...

Really, i guess I'm just writing to say this:

It CAN be done. We're doing it. All it takes is a little bit of planning so you don't get your stories crossed, and it doesn't even have to be a big deal. I wish you and your sister happiness, and a long life together.

Diogenes

[osiris]

Originally Posted by Diogenes

Osiris,

Good for you! It seems we've had very similar experiences, and have also developed a VERY similar view of the situation. It's nice to hear from someone else who sees GSA as a positive thing.

I was also separated from my half-sister by divorce, and while I knew her for the first 3 years of her life, we were completely out of contact for the next 18 or so. You hear cliches like, "...I never knew how empty I was until..." and "soul mates", but when it actually happens, that's JUST what it's like. After a couple of months, we were having sex at every opportunity. After a few more, we were living together, and we've never looked back. The transition from her previous relationship to the one we're in was rocky, and very difficult for her, but we are finally in a good place. I've never been this happy in my life.

I think that relationships like ours are exactly as emotionally healthy as the participants involved. It's really a perfectly natural reaction to an abnormal situation. I for one wouldn't trade what we have for every scrap of the validation the world has to offer. And the sex, well... I don't need to tell you...

Really, i guess I'm just writing to say this:

It CAN be done. We're doing it. All it takes is a little bit of planning so you don't get your stories crossed, and it doesn't even have to be a big deal. I wish you and your sister happiness, and a long life together.

Diogenes

Thanks Diogenes.

It won't be long until she and I are together. Just a couple more months or so to take care of things here before leaving.

The family is thrilled that I want to spend so much time with my younger sister. My stepfather even suggested that I take her traveling overseas. How long we'll be able to keep the true nature of our relationship hidden from them (and what their reaction will be if they ever discover it) is an open question, but we're not going to lose any sleep over it.

"Not for every scrap of the validation the world has to offer." Indeed!