well here goes nothing...............part.2

[s_k_23]

i met my b/mouther and she was the same mega intense and her husband who i didnt trust or like by this point because he had threatened to kill my half sister and that was why she didnt see my birth/m.
we went to the prison and met my half brother it was really odd the serroundings did not help but it was a positive experance i think.
the next few days with b/mother we really odd odd odd she would constantly play love songs in the car werever we went and be so high and she ditched her husband at any give moment possible. we were going out for a meal that night i was ready and she was not callling me to go up to her hotel room she had been drinking and kept trying to get physicaly close to me to the point i was feeling very uncomfortabl to say the least i made an excuse i had left my phone in my room and got out and met her outside and we then met her husband and went for food. she got really drunk and never took her eyes off me it felt uncomfortable but i think i just put it down to her being drunk, she then had a fight with her husband and he slaped her round the face.
i decided they was all weird and i was going to have little to do with them from her on. but wot about my half sister ?

from here on we made plans to spend time togeth as often as posible and i was very attracted to her but i think was still denying it to my self "because it was wrong" we spoke on the phone we had big bills it still didnt stop.
her and her wonderfull family had planned a holiday to come down to were i as in the country. they would meet my partner and stay at ours kids dogs the lot. it was great to see them again.
this is were i think we both started to notice every time we spoke or saw each other it was harder to put the phone down or leave by ten fold. her husband started to notice this to as did my partner it started to cause little problems at this point but nothing major.
next i was invited up to there house for new year our b/mouth was ever more jelious of our closeness as was everyone that mattered in both our lives.
my girlfriend was upset i wouldnt be with her for new year and was feeling pushed out by all the goings on but nothing would keep me away.
so off i went on the long ride there faster than the speed of light not looking back for a second. all was good she got really drunk new years and on the stroke of midnight kissed me and not her husband or her children i saw her husbands look of distain and shruged it off as she was drunk but secretly i want her so much but still dennied this to myself and just shruged it off in ignorance......i nursed her as she was ill from drink and knowone could come between us even though she was sick on me......when i awoke the next da and came down the stairs she was the only person up accept for me we stood in the kitchen and huged for ages i was excited to the max but just wrote it off in my head as it was a woman and i was a man and that was normal? i left eventialy she droped me at the coach station we huged for wot seemed like a moment never destand to end we cried and i kissed her on the cheek we both waved goodbye with tears streaming down our faces and pain in our heart id never known.
phones and travel for the next couple of monthes my work suffered as did my relationship i could think of nothing or nobody but her i felt so messed up and in so much pain and guilt for wot i was feeling.
then eventialy she came to see me and the enevitabal there is nothing guilt free in this situation ofcourse but the gsa causes a bubble of unpeneterable somthing that is blind. i have so much guilt she left her husband and her kids and we have lived together for the last 3years i hate wot has happened didnt want to hurt anyone least of all my self or her it caused so much trouble her x wouldnt let her see her kids and told them all the hurtfull details as he saw them saying things to them like "ur mom is shagin her brother etc etc" and my only hope is that she will be able to sortit out with them as times go on ....i am so sorry to her husband and children and have no excuse other than the pull i felt to be with her compaired to my addiction to heroin in earlya years was far stronger and i was unable to stop wot happened it was imposible. when i look back i fought it so hard but just couldnt stop it nor could she it was far to over powering and we were both so out of controle it was so frightning. then there were the legal issues to worrie about to as here it would have been classed as illegal and i thing this is a big part of the problem. the thrill side of it all gets caught up in the ilegal side of things too at the same time i was willing to go to jail as long as she would be there when i got out and i think back and that is insane but at the time is so real i would also have been willing to kill if anyone got in the way of us being together.
i left all my friends and left my job so we could move away were nobody new us through fear of being judged or out cast or arrested as well as constant threat from her husband that sort of still go on today altough seemingly empty they are.
b/mother didnt know and then came to see me before we moved in together she worked out what was going on and had some sort of breakdown thinking her huband was poisoning her and really lost the plot ...she may have been right though cos he was not a well bunny to say the least either. he constantly threatened to find us and call the police etc and tryed to find jobs we had and tell them about things untill he gave up and failed to find us and i threatened to get rid of him in a fit of rage.....b/mother ended up being institutionalised and we no longer talk and have not for a long time and as far as im concerned will never again...........
my half sister cant even mention me infront of her kids because of the damage and sickness of her x-husband.
so much damage done .....i eventialy told my adoptive family it was a bit of a shock to say the least because they also loved my by this time x-partner also we had been together for 5 years by the end.

it was touch and go but eventuial they accepted that i was with my half sister and as we had to keep moving about to avoid threats and financialy ruinned ourselfs we even ended up living with my adopted family for some 6 months.