Adoption reunion

Sharjah · 04-01-2008, 07:03 AM

My daughter, who was adopted at birth,contacted me a year ago, until then I new I had a Daughter, somewhere ,that's all. Without going into too much detail,of the circumstaces, I would like to explain my experience of "GSA".
I am what you might say, a conservative type of man, and any suggestion of sexual interest for a blood relation would have made me shudder with revulsion. I have two sisters, and a son and daughter from 34 years of marriage so I could safely say any suggestion about GSA I would have dismissed as "not Normal" (understatement).
UNTIL........ ,to my amazement the meeting with this mature adult Woman who was unquistionably my daughter.
we hit it off from the start, and slowly got to feel very strong towards each other emotionally, particularly when we looked into each others eyes, the attraction was startling, and still is. I can only think this is a primitive or maybe primeval feeling, it is so powerful and all consuming. It was not long before we had to admit that we found ourseves sexually attracted to each other.
We have not acted on it, but talked somewhat of how we both feel. It is causing a lot of grief for both of us, and potentially destructive. Having said all that I/we both agree it's normal.
But is this Love( which be both feel it is ) or just plain old lust and extremely pleasureable.
Has anyone been or still is in the same situation. Father Daughter/Daughter father, if so, I would be interested in your thoughts and feelings if you feel you can pass them on to me. I understand how careful we have to be in not giving too much information, but would be very interested to know if there are others out there like me and my daughter.

---End Quote---

tristan166667 · 04-01-2008, 09:03 AM

Are your family aware of the relationship between you and your daughter?

Sharjah · 04-01-2008, 09:16 AM

Well no, as there is no relationship, that's the point . We are both trying to come to terms with the dicovery of our feelings towards each other. The relationship we have is as, "Father Daughter" It needs to remain that way.
Do you have personal experience of these feelings?Tristan

tristan166667 · 04-01-2008, 09:44 AM

No, my relationship is with my sister. However; I believe the fallout is the same! People may try to convince themselves to the contrary but I don’t believe it comes to fruition without leaving a trail of victims in its wake.

My sister and I are both very happy together and I wouldn’t hesitate to do exactly the same again if I had the choice. To enable us to set up home together without anyone suspecting our relationship was planned like a military operation. My sister was always aware of her husband’s infidelity during her thirty years of marriage and used that as an excuse to leave him. I deliberately had an affair with a work colleague and made sure my wife found out and that quickly led to our separation.

I am certainly not proud of the way we used people like chess pieces to achieve our goal but as many of you know on this forum, the feelings were all too consuming to ignore even though we first tried to ignore them. Sadly in my case, my wife died of cancer two years after I left and that often plays on my mind in the middle of the night sometimes; had I have not been so impatient, it would have saved a lot of heartache.

Whenever we quarrel over some stupid thing or other, after a brief interlude the argument always pales into insignificance when we with reflect upon how hard it was for us to be together in the first place. In our case we have the best of both worlds: we share our lives together without our family and friend knowing about our relationship; albeit we had to move abroad to achieve it.

I wish you the best of luck

Tris

Sharjah · 04-01-2008, 09:56 AM

Thanks for the advice Tris. It's comforting to know someone appreciates and understands these very strong feelings. Your description of "The Military operation" and the initiatives and subdifuges you used to meet your ends, just re-inforces the power and pull of GSA. I am saddened for you, that your Wife died of cancer but, I guess, that was not due to the circumstaces and was maybe inevitable, but still small comfort eh.

Good luck your self

Sharjah

Victor · 04-01-2008, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharjah

My daughter, who was adopted at birth,contacted me a year ago, until then I new I had a Daughter, somewhere ,that's all. Without going into too much detail,of the circumstaces, I would like to explain my experience of "GSA".
I am what you might say, a conservative type of man, and any suggestion of sexual interest for a blood relation would have made me shudder with revulsion. I have two sisters, and a son and daughter from 34 years of marriage so I could safely say any suggestion about GSA I would have dismissed as "not Normal" (understatement).
UNTIL........ ,to my amazement the meeting with this mature adult Woman who was unquistionably my daughter.
we hit it off from the start, and slowly got to feel very strong towards each other emotionally, particularly when we looked into each others eyes, the attraction was startling, and still is. I can only think this is a primitive or maybe primeval feeling, it is so powerful and all consuming. It was not long before we had to admit that we found ourseves sexually attracted to each other.
We have not acted on it, but talked somewhat of how we both feel. It is causing a lot of grief for both of us, and potentially destructive. Having said all that I/we both agree it's normal.
But is this Love( which be both feel it is ) or just plain old lust and extremely pleasureable.
Has anyone been or still is in the same situation. Father Daughter/Daughter father, if so, I would be interested in your thoughts and feelings if you feel you can pass them on to me. I understand how careful we have to be in not giving too much information, but would be very interested to know if there are others out there like me and my daughter.

---End Quote---

We are here. My daughter is now going thru the "icky stage". That's where her past feelings about me have made her feel all icky in my presence or when ever she is reminded of how we used to feel about each other. It's been one year minus a week since we both confessed how we feel about the other under the influence of alcohol. The struggle is worth it if you really want to be her father, but it will take time to make it happen.

jen · 04-01-2008, 04:09 PM

Hi - I have been in touch with my father for just over a year after having no contact for 27 years. I had never heard of GSA and had no idea our reunion would be so powerful. We connected in away I have never connected with anyone before, and were both completely overwhelmed by our feelings. Our relationship is quite complicated - we are father and daughter, we are both married and live quite a distance from one another. Our family know we are very close - although not the extent of that closeness. I cannot say our relationship has been easy or without its problems but given the choice i would do it all again. Only you and your daughter can decide what the right way forward is - and the only advice i can give you is to keep talking, keep listening and keep being honest. My father and my relationship is constantly changing - according to our needs. It seems to be working for us, but I would be lying if I said there wasn't times when I feel guilty or confused. I suppose at the end of the day the most important thing is that we love and trust each other - we would never intentionally hurt each other and i am very sure that my dad will always put my feelings above his own. Maybe thats one of the things that makes these kinds of relationships difficult - because no matter what else we are - he will always be my father first and with that comes its own set of responsabilities. It takes quite a personality to handle it all.

Sharjah · 04-02-2008, 05:02 AM

Jen,
That's a very interesting story, and one that mirrors our situation almost exactly with regards to our feelings and emotions. I am glad you have contributed especially from the point of view from where my daughter finds herself.

Mind you, although my feelings were emotional at first I didn't understand them really,
Until sometime later. She told me she thought we had very strong feelings towards each other and mentioned GSA, she was enlightened about this when she first started to track down her birth parents 5 years earlier by the adoption association.
So that's where we are at the moment, admitting our feelings for each other, and in your own words completely overwhelmed by them.

I do appreciate your advice about keep on talking and being honest with each other and maybe our relationship will constantly change like yours has, I just don't know at the moment it's like a torture.

One thing you say about your relationship is father Daughter first, we are both in agreement that is not what we feel for each other right now, it's two adults attracted to each other, in a very powerful way and I also feel ours will also get complicated.
Your relationship seemed to develop very fast, to sustain it will be tricky, to say the least.

Thanks for telling me, you do seem to be a strong personality, your Father too.
Wish me luck, I think I will need it. Likewise to you. If you feel like sharing any other advice feel free.

Sharjah

Sharjah · 04-02-2008, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victor

We are here. My daughter is now going thru the "icky stage". That's where her past feelings about me have made her feel all icky in my presence or when ever she is reminded of how we used to feel about each other. It's been one year minus a week since we both confessed how we feel about the other under the influence of alcohol. The struggle is worth it if you really want to be her father, but it will take time to make it happen.

Victor, can you define "icky" Do you have any regrets?

jen · 04-02-2008, 08:17 PM

Sharjah - like you and your daughter, when we first actually communicated there was no parental bond between my father and I. Initially we spoke mainly through email, these emails were polite, almost business like in their content. After a few weeks of this, I decided if we were ever going to get to know each other we would have to meet face to face. At this time the only thought in my mind was that I was going to meet my father for the first time in almost thirty years. At no time did I ever imagine I might find this man attractive - I wasn't even sure if I would like him.

We ( I was accompanied by my husband and other family members) were there for five days, on the third evening of our visit we went out for a meal and while everyone was busy elsewhere, my father and I had our first opportunity to talk privately. Almost instantaneously there was a connection. I cannot say he suddenly stopped being my father, as I didn't really know him in that role, to me he was just a man. I knew I was flirting - I just didn't know why. And that is how it all began.

When I returned home we began talking again - but we had become so much closer. We spoke every day, sometimes we spent the entire night talking. We didn't eat, we didn't sleep we just talked. Through this talking we both knew our relationship was now that of two adults who were deeply attracted to one another. We talked at length about what we wanted to do, wanted to happen and why it could not and should not. But all the while our relationship was becoming much more romantic and sexual. For a while this was how our relationship continued, we used our legitimate relationship as an excuse to others to spend time together - but when we were alone we did not behave or treat each other as a father or daughter.

It was while we were spending this time together that we began to develop a relationship as father and daughter. We share many interests and traits. It was uncanny suddenly recognizing myself in this other person. At no point did we consciously decide we wanted to develop this other side to our relationship, strange as it may sound we were two people in love, happy to be with one another. But the more time we spent together the stronger the father and daughter bond became. I am so proud that this man is my father -I love introducing him as such and I adore being his daughter.

Sometimes it is difficult to reconcile these different emotions. We try to be there for one another in which ever way is the most appropriate at the time. Its not always easy and sometimes I feel that I am being split in two. We get through things by talking and because we both know what it is like to be without each other and that is not an option.

I agree with Tris about the fallout it causes. For us the main thing is to try not to hurt anyone else, I don't want to lose any of my family, so we have already discussed, decided and accepted that we cannot be together as man and woman - so currently we are trying to make the best of a very complicated relationship. I don't know if we can continue or if we will even want to continue with this dual relationship - we are just taking each day as it comes.

I apologize for the length of this post - I didn't intend for it to be as longwinded. I wish you and your daughter much happiness whatever path you decide to take.

Best Wishes Jen

04-01-2008, 07:03 AM	#1
Sharjah Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 8	Adoption reunion My daughter, who was adopted at birth,contacted me a year ago, until then I new I had a Daughter, somewhere ,that's all. Without going into too much detail,of the circumstaces, I would like to explain my experience of "GSA". I am what you might say, a conservative type of man, and any suggestion of sexual interest for a blood relation would have made me shudder with revulsion. I have two sisters, and a son and daughter from 34 years of marriage so I could safely say any suggestion about GSA I would have dismissed as "not Normal" (understatement). UNTIL........ ,to my amazement the meeting with this mature adult Woman who was unquistionably my daughter. we hit it off from the start, and slowly got to feel very strong towards each other emotionally, particularly when we looked into each others eyes, the attraction was startling, and still is. I can only think this is a primitive or maybe primeval feeling, it is so powerful and all consuming. It was not long before we had to admit that we found ourseves sexually attracted to each other. We have not acted on it, but talked somewhat of how we both feel. It is causing a lot of grief for both of us, and potentially destructive. Having said all that I/we both agree it's normal. But is this Love( which be both feel it is ) or just plain old lust and extremely pleasureable. Has anyone been or still is in the same situation. Father Daughter/Daughter father, if so, I would be interested in your thoughts and feelings if you feel you can pass them on to me. I understand how careful we have to be in not giving too much information, but would be very interested to know if there are others out there like me and my daughter. ---End Quote---

04-01-2008, 04:09 PM	#7
jen Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 13	Hi - I have been in touch with my father for just over a year after having no contact for 27 years. I had never heard of GSA and had no idea our reunion would be so powerful. We connected in away I have never connected with anyone before, and were both completely overwhelmed by our feelings. Our relationship is quite complicated - we are father and daughter, we are both married and live quite a distance from one another. Our family know we are very close - although not the extent of that closeness. I cannot say our relationship has been easy or without its problems but given the choice i would do it all again. Only you and your daughter can decide what the right way forward is - and the only advice i can give you is to keep talking, keep listening and keep being honest. My father and my relationship is constantly changing - according to our needs. It seems to be working for us, but I would be lying if I said there wasn't times when I feel guilty or confused. I suppose at the end of the day the most important thing is that we love and trust each other - we would never intentionally hurt each other and i am very sure that my dad will always put my feelings above his own. Maybe thats one of the things that makes these kinds of relationships difficult - because no matter what else we are - he will always be my father first and with that comes its own set of responsabilities. It takes quite a personality to handle it all. Last edited by jen : 04-01-2008 at 06:30 PM.

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04-01-2008, 09:03 AM	#2
tristan166667 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 8	Are your family aware of the relationship between you and your daughter?

04-01-2008, 09:16 AM	#3
Sharjah Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 8	Well no, as there is no relationship, that's the point . We are both trying to come to terms with the dicovery of our feelings towards each other. The relationship we have is as, "Father Daughter" It needs to remain that way. Do you have personal experience of these feelings?Tristan

04-01-2008, 09:44 AM	#4
tristan166667 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 8	No, my relationship is with my sister. However; I believe the fallout is the same! People may try to convince themselves to the contrary but I don’t believe it comes to fruition without leaving a trail of victims in its wake. My sister and I are both very happy together and I wouldn’t hesitate to do exactly the same again if I had the choice. To enable us to set up home together without anyone suspecting our relationship was planned like a military operation. My sister was always aware of her husband’s infidelity during her thirty years of marriage and used that as an excuse to leave him. I deliberately had an affair with a work colleague and made sure my wife found out and that quickly led to our separation. I am certainly not proud of the way we used people like chess pieces to achieve our goal but as many of you know on this forum, the feelings were all too consuming to ignore even though we first tried to ignore them. Sadly in my case, my wife died of cancer two years after I left and that often plays on my mind in the middle of the night sometimes; had I have not been so impatient, it would have saved a lot of heartache. Whenever we quarrel over some stupid thing or other, after a brief interlude the argument always pales into insignificance when we with reflect upon how hard it was for us to be together in the first place. In our case we have the best of both worlds: we share our lives together without our family and friend knowing about our relationship; albeit we had to move abroad to achieve it. I wish you the best of luck Tris

04-01-2008, 09:56 AM	#5
Sharjah Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 8	Thanks for the advice Tris. It's comforting to know someone appreciates and understands these very strong feelings. Your description of "The Military operation" and the initiatives and subdifuges you used to meet your ends, just re-inforces the power and pull of GSA. I am saddened for you, that your Wife died of cancer but, I guess, that was not due to the circumstaces and was maybe inevitable, but still small comfort eh. Good luck your self Sharjah

04-02-2008, 05:02 AM	#8
Sharjah Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 8	Jen, That's a very interesting story, and one that mirrors our situation almost exactly with regards to our feelings and emotions. I am glad you have contributed especially from the point of view from where my daughter finds herself. Mind you, although my feelings were emotional at first I didn't understand them really, Until sometime later. She told me she thought we had very strong feelings towards each other and mentioned GSA, she was enlightened about this when she first started to track down her birth parents 5 years earlier by the adoption association. So that's where we are at the moment, admitting our feelings for each other, and in your own words completely overwhelmed by them. I do appreciate your advice about keep on talking and being honest with each other and maybe our relationship will constantly change like yours has, I just don't know at the moment it's like a torture. One thing you say about your relationship is father Daughter first, we are both in agreement that is not what we feel for each other right now, it's two adults attracted to each other, in a very powerful way and I also feel ours will also get complicated. Your relationship seemed to develop very fast, to sustain it will be tricky, to say the least. Thanks for telling me, you do seem to be a strong personality, your Father too. Wish me luck, I think I will need it. Likewise to you. If you feel like sharing any other advice feel free. Sharjah

04-02-2008, 08:17 PM	#10
jen Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 13	Sharjah - like you and your daughter, when we first actually communicated there was no parental bond between my father and I. Initially we spoke mainly through email, these emails were polite, almost business like in their content. After a few weeks of this, I decided if we were ever going to get to know each other we would have to meet face to face. At this time the only thought in my mind was that I was going to meet my father for the first time in almost thirty years. At no time did I ever imagine I might find this man attractive - I wasn't even sure if I would like him. We ( I was accompanied by my husband and other family members) were there for five days, on the third evening of our visit we went out for a meal and while everyone was busy elsewhere, my father and I had our first opportunity to talk privately. Almost instantaneously there was a connection. I cannot say he suddenly stopped being my father, as I didn't really know him in that role, to me he was just a man. I knew I was flirting - I just didn't know why. And that is how it all began. When I returned home we began talking again - but we had become so much closer. We spoke every day, sometimes we spent the entire night talking. We didn't eat, we didn't sleep we just talked. Through this talking we both knew our relationship was now that of two adults who were deeply attracted to one another. We talked at length about what we wanted to do, wanted to happen and why it could not and should not. But all the while our relationship was becoming much more romantic and sexual. For a while this was how our relationship continued, we used our legitimate relationship as an excuse to others to spend time together - but when we were alone we did not behave or treat each other as a father or daughter. It was while we were spending this time together that we began to develop a relationship as father and daughter. We share many interests and traits. It was uncanny suddenly recognizing myself in this other person. At no point did we consciously decide we wanted to develop this other side to our relationship, strange as it may sound we were two people in love, happy to be with one another. But the more time we spent together the stronger the father and daughter bond became. I am so proud that this man is my father -I love introducing him as such and I adore being his daughter. Sometimes it is difficult to reconcile these different emotions. We try to be there for one another in which ever way is the most appropriate at the time. Its not always easy and sometimes I feel that I am being split in two. We get through things by talking and because we both know what it is like to be without each other and that is not an option. I agree with Tris about the fallout it causes. For us the main thing is to try not to hurt anyone else, I don't want to lose any of my family, so we have already discussed, decided and accepted that we cannot be together as man and woman - so currently we are trying to make the best of a very complicated relationship. I don't know if we can continue or if we will even want to continue with this dual relationship - we are just taking each day as it comes. I apologize for the length of this post - I didn't intend for it to be as longwinded. I wish you and your daughter much happiness whatever path you decide to take. Best Wishes Jen