judging is not the answer - Page 2

MamaR · 06-09-2006, 05:19 PM

I am sorry that any of you feel that way. I'm not out to impress anyone and no, I haven't "swallowed a dictionary." This is how I learned to express myself back in the good old days when vocabulary, reading and writing were skills to be learned and enjoyed. It's part of who I am and I am glad of it.

I have judged no one, but I have called it like I saw it. If you want help to get past the GSA feelings and/or actions, then good for you. But I cannot see how endorsing this kind of thing as being OK is good for anyone. Don't forget...I did it, myself, and I don't recommend it to anyone.

I struggled with the intensity, justified my actions which I consider morally and ethically wrong, and had to recover. I have watched families literally split down the middle, destroyed and individuals devastated because of someone else's idea of what they felt was OK for them to do because of their emotions and libido. Yes, Barb does want to help and she has tried to be kind and accepting, but I don't think (and you can correct me if I am wrong, Barb) that she had this place in mind as a place to come and have someone pat you on the head and say that what you wanted to do or were doing is just peachy-keen fine and, hey, let's make co-sanguinous (look it up) relationships legally and socially acceptable. Sorry, but that isn't how I see this place.

It's a place to understand what GSA is and how to recover from it and, hopefully, help salvage healthy family relationships.

As far as being "liberal" goes...hey, Dubya would love to keep the adoption mills grinding and producing more unhappy, confused and damaged people. Yeah...I guess I'll exercise my vote against him and the rest of his ilk and be proud of it. I guess if someone can hop onto this list and start boasting about his mother giving him a BJ (tacky), then I can brag about being a Democrat.

luvsbubby · 06-15-2006, 12:29 PM

Byron and Others
Hi.. I just thot I'd put in my two cents worth...my hb and I have been 2gether for 7 years happily..no not every agrees with our relationship but no one has disowned us either..except for 2 friends..o well...But I have to say that even tho I have read some very disturbing posts here..this one and the one by Barb on * getting heated* has really upset me..when I first came here there were many ppl who were in relationships with family members and most of it was all good...now I have come to realize that this is not the place for me nor is it a place for support...unless you're having a bad time with the relationship..if everything is good between the partners involved then you get judged or told that there are multiple problems ahead...I had the perception when I first came here that even tho Barb's relationship didnt work out with her son that she was still supportive of the others out there who had healthy lasting relationship with their sibling or whomever...but apparently I was wrong..I was hoping to find a society that was geared towards the common goal of bringing these relationship *out* as healthy and eventually acceptable...again I was wrong...bc what I have read recently has been nothing but judgemental and condeming of the relationships at hand..this is sad..so I guess all of us that have good relationships with a relative probably should leave and either make a different site or find another one...
thanks for all the non support on the working side of these relationships
goodbye...I will check in occasionally to see if anyone has PM'd me for a website that supports us...and lets not forget either that gay/lesbian and interracial relationships were once taboo as well
luvsbubby~~~for real and for ever

Luke · 06-15-2006, 02:19 PM

I'm with Luvsbubby on this one..Well said!

BarbGonyo · 06-15-2006, 03:36 PM

For those of you who feel that you want to leave the site because it wasn't helpful and you were being judged and not everyone was cheering you on, I wish you well.

This site is for people to tell their stories whether it is their relationship is working or not so others can read it and judge for themselves by hearing all sides.

If you don't share with others they will only be able to hear those who are saying it isn't working because of the pain it has caused. Others were trying to show you what has happened to them.

I don't get to read all of the posts as it would take up my whole day to be that involved and have for a long time just stayed out of it and let you all talk to each other. I guess you liked it better that way so you could form your own support group. Maybe that would be needed for you but I don't think for everyone it would be good because they would not be hearing all sides.

But thank those of you who feel this in not for them, for sharing and being able to be honest about your feelings. We'll miss you.

Barb Gonyo

luvsbubby · 06-15-2006, 05:36 PM

Barb
Aparrently it doesnt sound like you'll miss us at all, it just sounds like you finally got your cheerleading squad going, so you dont care..it seems you only care if the relationships arent working and I dont see you being supportive of any working relationships..
luvsbubby

mwoo6i1485 · 06-15-2006, 06:01 PM

im sorry people are going to leave as there is two sides like any relationship some work some dont ,i came here because mine didnt and i really didnt know how to handle the heart ach proberly still dont but its good to be able to talk to you all about it.i really wouldnt judge anyone here as we all have something in common dont we.for those who are happy if anything its nice to know it can work and not everyone is feeling the pain i have because iv lost someone i love so dearly,i think its a shame because you could help those who are going through things with their loved ones that i havnt the long hall so to speak.i hope you stay happy and wish you all the best ,it really is nice and sometimes comforting to hear some happy endings but i know it must be hard for you to read the sad storys that didnt work and cause people pain.
take care and i hope you do carry on fighting your corner.x

BarbGonyo · 06-15-2006, 08:13 PM

Well your wrong. I don't condemn anyones relationship. If it is going well for you both, than I'm happy for you. I do feel that when everyone elses has to suffer because of our relationships that it is a problem.

If the two of you have worked it out where you can keep a relationship going and everyone has not left your side forever than you two ore really blessed.

On the documentary on GSA there is an interview with a sib couple with two teen aged children living in Spain and they are doing quite well.

I also know of a brother and sister who live as brother and sister in eveyrone elses eyes and they have a farm together and are doing quite well.

But I can see you are bent out of shape by what ever I seem to say so I won't try any longer to explain things to you but truly do wish you a long and happy life together.

Barb

luvsbubby · 06-15-2006, 08:38 PM

barb
we are happy and the family has not deserted us, nor most of our friends just 2 friends...I saw you on one documentary...
but you did just say in yr thread*getting heated that you dont support these relationships..yet you do know that there are many ppl who are happy and have not lost much from the relationship..i came here thinking that this was a place for support and early on I saw that a lot..but not much here recently
luvsbubby

BarbGonyo · 06-16-2006, 05:59 PM

I'm, sorry for your diappointment. I do welcome people to this site that are looking for answers and want to be educated by others that have been through this.

When I say I don't support these relationships, which I don't recall saying, it could be that it wasn't the word support that was used. I could have been asked if I thought it was a good idea to have a sexual relationship with a found relative and I would have said no.

I'm not judging anyone and never have. But due to the mail I've received in over 20 years from very unhappy people, I wouldn't recommend it. I do as you must know encourage people to have a relationship that will last their lifetime. Most of the time that isn't a sexual one that will last for a long time.

I didn't say it hasn't worked for some people because it has but they are a minority.

This site is to educate not only support. I believe in telling it like it is and that can be hard to take for a lot of people but I've always felt it a waste of time to not get to the point and tell what I know to be true for so many people.

My relationship with my son is not a sexual one or even a mother/son relationship. But he's still there. We still talk or write or phone and get together with his family on occasion.

I was available to give him medical information when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He didn't have to look for me to find his medical information because he already knew me and his bfather for over 28 years.

So my friend I don't consider our relationship a failure, I think of it as a gift from God.

I wish you well.
Barb Gonyo

06-15-2006, 03:36 PM	#14
BarbGonyo Administrator Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 291	support For those of you who feel that you want to leave the site because it wasn't helpful and you were being judged and not everyone was cheering you on, I wish you well. This site is for people to tell their stories whether it is their relationship is working or not so others can read it and judge for themselves by hearing all sides. If you don't share with others they will only be able to hear those who are saying it isn't working because of the pain it has caused. Others were trying to show you what has happened to them. I don't get to read all of the posts as it would take up my whole day to be that involved and have for a long time just stayed out of it and let you all talk to each other. I guess you liked it better that way so you could form your own support group. Maybe that would be needed for you but I don't think for everyone it would be good because they would not be hearing all sides. But thank those of you who feel this in not for them, for sharing and being able to be honest about your feelings. We'll miss you. Barb Gonyo __________________ Barbara is the author of "I'm His Mother,but He's Not My Son" (formerly titled "The Forbidden Love, GSA". In the paper back edition of Forbidden Love, there are a total of 20 books left in that form. "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $2.31 Austrailia Fast Slower $8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks New I'm His Mother, but, He's Not My Son" will now be available electronically for your convience. The price is $15.00 check made out to Barbara Gonyo 906 Ioka Mt. Prospect, IL 60056 Upon receiving the order you will be given instructions on how to obtain the book. I hope this will be helpful to all of you who were having trouble getting the book. Barb Gonyo

06-15-2006, 06:01 PM	#16
mwoo6i1485 Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 37	for you im sorry people are going to leave as there is two sides like any relationship some work some dont ,i came here because mine didnt and i really didnt know how to handle the heart ach proberly still dont but its good to be able to talk to you all about it.i really wouldnt judge anyone here as we all have something in common dont we.for those who are happy if anything its nice to know it can work and not everyone is feeling the pain i have because iv lost someone i love so dearly,i think its a shame because you could help those who are going through things with their loved ones that i havnt the long hall so to speak.i hope you stay happy and wish you all the best ,it really is nice and sometimes comforting to hear some happy endings but i know it must be hard for you to read the sad storys that didnt work and cause people pain. take care and i hope you do carry on fighting your corner.x

06-15-2006, 08:13 PM	#17
BarbGonyo Administrator Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 291	luvsbubby Well your wrong. I don't condemn anyones relationship. If it is going well for you both, than I'm happy for you. I do feel that when everyone elses has to suffer because of our relationships that it is a problem. If the two of you have worked it out where you can keep a relationship going and everyone has not left your side forever than you two ore really blessed. On the documentary on GSA there is an interview with a sib couple with two teen aged children living in Spain and they are doing quite well. I also know of a brother and sister who live as brother and sister in eveyrone elses eyes and they have a farm together and are doing quite well. But I can see you are bent out of shape by what ever I seem to say so I won't try any longer to explain things to you but truly do wish you a long and happy life together. Barb __________________ Barbara is the author of "I'm His Mother,but He's Not My Son" (formerly titled "The Forbidden Love, GSA". In the paper back edition of Forbidden Love, there are a total of 20 books left in that form. "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $2.31 Austrailia Fast Slower $8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks New I'm His Mother, but, He's Not My Son" will now be available electronically for your convience. The price is $15.00 check made out to Barbara Gonyo 906 Ioka Mt. Prospect, IL 60056 Upon receiving the order you will be given instructions on how to obtain the book. I hope this will be helpful to all of you who were having trouble getting the book. Barb Gonyo

06-16-2006, 05:59 PM	#19
BarbGonyo Administrator Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 291	luvsbubby I'm, sorry for your diappointment. I do welcome people to this site that are looking for answers and want to be educated by others that have been through this. When I say I don't support these relationships, which I don't recall saying, it could be that it wasn't the word support that was used. I could have been asked if I thought it was a good idea to have a sexual relationship with a found relative and I would have said no. I'm not judging anyone and never have. But due to the mail I've received in over 20 years from very unhappy people, I wouldn't recommend it. I do as you must know encourage people to have a relationship that will last their lifetime. Most of the time that isn't a sexual one that will last for a long time. I didn't say it hasn't worked for some people because it has but they are a minority. This site is to educate not only support. I believe in telling it like it is and that can be hard to take for a lot of people but I've always felt it a waste of time to not get to the point and tell what I know to be true for so many people. My relationship with my son is not a sexual one or even a mother/son relationship. But he's still there. We still talk or write or phone and get together with his family on occasion. I was available to give him medical information when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He didn't have to look for me to find his medical information because he already knew me and his bfather for over 28 years. So my friend I don't consider our relationship a failure, I think of it as a gift from God. I wish you well. Barb Gonyo __________________ Barbara is the author of "I'm His Mother,but He's Not My Son" (formerly titled "The Forbidden Love, GSA". In the paper back edition of Forbidden Love, there are a total of 20 books left in that form. "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $2.31 Austrailia Fast Slower $8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks New I'm His Mother, but, He's Not My Son" will now be available electronically for your convience. The price is $15.00 check made out to Barbara Gonyo 906 Ioka Mt. Prospect, IL 60056 Upon receiving the order you will be given instructions on how to obtain the book. I hope this will be helpful to all of you who were having trouble getting the book. Barb Gonyo

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06-09-2006, 05:19 PM	#11
MamaR Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 55	I am sorry that any of you feel that way. I'm not out to impress anyone and no, I haven't "swallowed a dictionary." This is how I learned to express myself back in the good old days when vocabulary, reading and writing were skills to be learned and enjoyed. It's part of who I am and I am glad of it. I have judged no one, but I have called it like I saw it. If you want help to get past the GSA feelings and/or actions, then good for you. But I cannot see how endorsing this kind of thing as being OK is good for anyone. Don't forget...I did it, myself, and I don't recommend it to anyone. I struggled with the intensity, justified my actions which I consider morally and ethically wrong, and had to recover. I have watched families literally split down the middle, destroyed and individuals devastated because of someone else's idea of what they felt was OK for them to do because of their emotions and libido. Yes, Barb does want to help and she has tried to be kind and accepting, but I don't think (and you can correct me if I am wrong, Barb) that she had this place in mind as a place to come and have someone pat you on the head and say that what you wanted to do or were doing is just peachy-keen fine and, hey, let's make co-sanguinous (look it up) relationships legally and socially acceptable. Sorry, but that isn't how I see this place. It's a place to understand what GSA is and how to recover from it and, hopefully, help salvage healthy family relationships. As far as being "liberal" goes...hey, Dubya would love to keep the adoption mills grinding and producing more unhappy, confused and damaged people. Yeah...I guess I'll exercise my vote against him and the rest of his ilk and be proud of it. I guess if someone can hop onto this list and start boasting about his mother giving him a BJ (tacky), then I can brag about being a Democrat.

06-15-2006, 12:29 PM	#12
luvsbubby Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 89	Byron and Others Hi.. I just thot I'd put in my two cents worth...my hb and I have been 2gether for 7 years happily..no not every agrees with our relationship but no one has disowned us either..except for 2 friends..o well...But I have to say that even tho I have read some very disturbing posts here..this one and the one by Barb on * getting heated* has really upset me..when I first came here there were many ppl who were in relationships with family members and most of it was all good...now I have come to realize that this is not the place for me nor is it a place for support...unless you're having a bad time with the relationship..if everything is good between the partners involved then you get judged or told that there are multiple problems ahead...I had the perception when I first came here that even tho Barb's relationship didnt work out with her son that she was still supportive of the others out there who had healthy lasting relationship with their sibling or whomever...but apparently I was wrong..I was hoping to find a society that was geared towards the common goal of bringing these relationship out as healthy and eventually acceptable...again I was wrong...bc what I have read recently has been nothing but judgemental and condeming of the relationships at hand..this is sad..so I guess all of us that have good relationships with a relative probably should leave and either make a different site or find another one... thanks for all the non support on the working side of these relationships goodbye...I will check in occasionally to see if anyone has PM'd me for a website that supports us...and lets not forget either that gay/lesbian and interracial relationships were once taboo as well luvsbubby~~~for real and for ever

06-15-2006, 02:19 PM	#13
Luke Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 11	I'm with Luvsbubby on this one..Well said!

06-15-2006, 05:36 PM	#15
luvsbubby Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 89	Barb Aparrently it doesnt sound like you'll miss us at all, it just sounds like you finally got your cheerleading squad going, so you dont care..it seems you only care if the relationships arent working and I dont see you being supportive of any working relationships.. luvsbubby

06-15-2006, 08:38 PM	#18
luvsbubby Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 89	barb we are happy and the family has not deserted us, nor most of our friends just 2 friends...I saw you on one documentary... but you did just say in yr thread*getting heated that you dont support these relationships..yet you do know that there are many ppl who are happy and have not lost much from the relationship..i came here thinking that this was a place for support and early on I saw that a lot..but not much here recently luvsbubby