Confused and in pain

buttercup · 12-19-2005, 03:10 AM

I first met my brother nearly 2 years ago - although were communicating via email for some time before that. There was an attraction immediately and following much communication both written and by word about our feelings and the GSA issues we met again - he is across the other side of the globe! This year we have been fortunate enough to spend 16 weeks together - the latter union lasting 10 weeks living as husband and wife - except the objective was initially to get the relationship "into its proper place". That failed instantly on meeting at the airport - however the underlying objective was sort of there! Hopeless really.

Anyway - during my time with him my family - 4 children and a husband were in touch - they were all aware of my objectives - although choosing to believe that we weren't sleeping together. For reasons I still don't understand myself - I have returned to the family home for Xmas and to do the right thing by all. Desite my heart screaming inside my head that I want to be with my brother R for ever and the fact that my marriage has been existing I somehow cannot make the break. I have been married for 26 years and together with my husband for 31 - my children are 17 and upwards - so not babies - but hugely opinionated. Constantly I am told that any relationhship with my R cannot survive - I will end up alone and miserable - and I guess that is my underlying fear - they all say they will never want to see me again if I go with "him". So I have returned - and feel I have sacrificed my happiness and my true love. My husband said that he didn't want to be the consolation prize - but frankly that is what he is. And of course I feel alone and miserable in the house - not with the children but certainly with my husband - and of course in time it will just be us!

I can't live with R in NZ, his home, despite the fact that my birth mum and my two other sisters (full biological) live there. However he can live in England. So in some ways it looks simple - but many people around me know of my relationship and my fears are that in time - wherever I live the news would get out - and life would be a hiding game. I guess my fears are so many - but still I am aching to be with him - I am only half existing - not living at all. Each passing day is in a fog of misery.

I don't know why I am writing really except that I have been reading alot of stories on this forum and hoped that I might get some relief from the turmoil that is constantly running through my head and my heart.

Buttercup

BarbGonyo · 12-19-2005, 05:15 PM

Dear Buttercup,.

I hear you crying out for relief from your wants and desires but don't know how to give it to you. If it was in my power I would certainly give you the wisdom of Solomon and vanish your pain and make all of it be what you wish.

But is there really any relief for your situation? I don't think so because you are in love and the forbiddeness of this relationship can be very appealing. The distance you have from your sibling makes it even more enticing.

Losing your whole family over this needed feeling of belonging to your birthfamily is not an ideal swap. In time having ones children disown them and have a marriage that may or may not be in its honeymoon stages any longer, die and leave you to do what you want, might seem like a soulution but in the long term it may be the thing that would separate your sibling and you anyway.

Since I don't have the wisdom of Solomon an can only rely on God to guide me, I will call on Him to help you find a happy solution for everyone concerned. If you haven't tried that method, I strongly advise it as it can give you some real wisdom and hopefully some comfort.

I hope you will keep in touch if you feel the need to share your sorrows and successes.

Barb Gonyo

Hemmingway69 · 12-19-2005, 08:10 PM

My heart screams out to hold you, to wrap you in my protective arms and comfort you.

I too am alone, globally separated from my one true love, my soul mate.

You see I am R.

October and November have been the most precious and fulfilling months of my life and now I am lost, set adrift in an ocean of isolation and despair.

Little things that people take for granted, like grocery shopping or having a drink bring back painful memories of our recent, fantastic, past.

I was never so complete as when we were together, we seemed so in-sync, we knew each other’s thoughts and moods. There wasn't a day passed when either of us spoke what the other was thinking.

I feel that I should point out to our fellow readers that this in-sync feeling and the deep heartfelt need to be together has been a part of our relationship from our first meeting.

The solution does seem plainly obvious and that would be for me to move the UK. My marriage has ended, because of my love for L, and, because it wasn’t that strong anyway. I too have children, 3, sixteen and upward.

The concerns of the law are ever present and unless someone can suggest a location where incest between consenting adults has been decriminalised we will have to live with that constant fear of being found out until society evolves to a point where consenting adults can love whom they please without fear of retribution.

Barb I hear your comments about

“the forbiddeness of this relationship can be very appealing. The distance you have from your sibling makes it even more enticing”

and would like to point out that although I acknowledge genetically we are siblings we are not brother and sister, we were not raised as brother and sister and until I was forty did not even know of L’s existence.

There is no thrill or stimulation from knowing I am in love with my sister, nor do I find it very appealing that my one true love lives on the other side of the world.

The love we have is the love any two people in-love have for each other albeit with a need and intensity far greater that I have ever experienced in my life.

I don’t know if there will be a happy ending to this story, only time will tell.

Hemmingway69 · 12-21-2005, 01:08 PM

It is very frustrating, apart from the fact that I do not see or think of Buttercup as my sister there is the age factor, I am 46 and have been fixed, she is 49 and nearing menopause, it doesent take a rocket scientist to realise that there will be no off spring from this union. It is purely love, a need to be together, why cant society recognise this.

I have been looking back over posts to see if I can find where GSA was accepted, if memory serves me Buttercup did mention "Holland", we surfed this forum at length before she returned to UK so there were many pages and they all seem to run together. Can anyone help?

There does seem to be a common thread amongst all the bro/sis relationships, especially the ones that have stepped over to the "dark side", and that is the intensity. Whether it is the sexual intensity or the heart and a need to be together, the thread is there.

Why is this?,

Why do GSA ppl get so passionate that they are willing to destroy their marrraiges for their bro/sis?

Look I can understand lust, I am ex navy, I have travelled the world, had many encounters, some longer term than others. I was married for 20yrs but in all those relationships there has never been anything near the feelings , or passion, that I feel for buttercup and it isnt because it is heightened by breaking the taboos of incest that arouses me.

It isnt that we are bro/sis. We dont look alike, there are some similarities in mannerism, some quirks we share, we both sleep on our stomachs hugging the pillow for example. It is that I have found the perfect woman, even a female version of me, we have the same likes and tastes, though not in movies, does this mean I am Narcissistic?

It is all so unfair, you meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with and the law says you cant.

Im sorry to have rambled on. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

luvsbubby · 12-22-2005, 08:55 PM

R & L,

O my gosh. My heart is breaking for you both!!! I just couldnt stand to be away from J for more than half a day. I look forward to coming home to him rain or shine everyday. We werent raised around each other each but we've been together for 6 years, and never too long apart. We moved in together after two weeks of meeting each other. We both had our own place at the time but we started staying at his mom's, we slept in the same room but not together. We got a place together and have been with each other almost every hour since then. You have no idea how bad i feel for you two. I went on vacation with my mom for 4 days once and it was horrible, i missed him so much. So i can feel your actual aching, crying, more than longing (its like death).
I wish it were easier for society to accept our kind of relationship. Have you two thought of relocating together to somewhere you arent known? In the USA they dont really seek out these types of crimes and enforce any issues. You just dont have the option of a legal marriage, but you can live with anyone you want to live with. I really feel for you, I just feel so bad that you both are probably sick and miserable wherever you are. and J is here safe, happy, and all mine. You both are too old to be letting someone else control your life like this. Dont walk, run back to each other. Find a way!! Ya got money? Move... go get you a place together. L~~~~your kids will always love you and they will come back. Just tell them that you arent choosing btween them, they are giving you an ultimatum, so therefore they are making your choice for you. You need to be living for your own happiness, and when they realize this, the will be back. Please be kind to yourselves, dont reject your true feelings. Besides "what you love always gets you in the end" so the time it takes to hold onto what you love is merely a waste of time. Get there and stop wasting time, and your lives, and making yourselves so sick. Oh the pain I feel right now when I think of him and I being put in a position as you are now. I quiver while the feeling of cold and lonely brushes my heart as i ponder your situations. I am a 33 year old woman and I know I would get over it with my parent leaving to be with someone other than father/mother. They most likely wont like anyone else if you left and once you give them that power then they are choosing your every move. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to keep what mankes you happy close to your heart. No one should make that choice other than you two.
At least you found a place to communicate. Peace and Prayers to both of you,
LuvsbubbyJ

buttercup · 12-23-2005, 12:53 AM

Thanks for your words luvsbubby there is serious stuff to think about there - I have been reading every response to my posting but don't get the opportunity to respond as my access is limited at the moment. Something has to happen as I am miserable and that isn't a way to live - but my misery also comes from the pain that I am causing my kids and husband - it is not their fault just as much as it is not mine. As said before I guess only time will tell - plus a bit of courage and effort.

Hemmingway69 · 12-23-2005, 02:04 AM

Oh luvsbuddy you are so supportive and I wish we were where you are, six years on and still passionately in love. I envy you and your bro.

Your words give me strength and hope that some day L and I will be together.

I dont think moving to the USA will solve our problems, apart from Green Card issues there would still be the distance for L from her children, the same as there would be down here, immigration and distance.

All I can hope is "that I will get my love in the end" before too much time has been wasted.

luvsbubby · 12-23-2005, 08:03 AM

R&L
I have no doubt in my belief that what u love gets you in the end, so i know you will be together. It is just a matter of time. I just feel so sad for you both. It worries me thought that you dont let too much time come between you being together. Obviously we all understand here that a year can be a drop in the bucket of time. When the youngest child is 18 or of legal age ( dont know what that is in your country) make your move then. In the meantime tell the kids often that you will be with R, when the time is right. That way they will be somewhat prepared when it happens. I dont mean to sound harsh L, but woman to woman: If your kids decided to go to college far away or if something happened to put phys distance btween you, and it was their choice or if God forbid one died, where would you be? Are you the kind of woman who if, you take the kids out of the picture, you would be nothing with out them? You cant put them above your own needs forever.
I take it your comp time is limited because they monitor your comp activities also, maybe you can communicate on the comp at the library? Also btw, i wasnt suggesting that you move to usa, i know that would be way too hard for you both, i just wanted you to know how it is that we *get away* with it so easily. I just wish it were as easy for you also. Someday it will be. Being a sib couple is so much different from a non sib couple as i'm sure u know. You can only lie to yourself for so long, until the truth finds its way out. What I mean is that if you try to keep telling yourself that you can go on w/o each other, eventually you will realize that you cant and never could. So please do not *move on* to different relationships because you've given up on each other. I dont mean not to have any sexual relationships and make yourself completely unhappy. I mean dont get married to someone else because you think you wont make your way back to each other because you will. Right now, you just gotta do what you have to and know that someday you will be together. Because this is not an ordinary love. You also cant *pick* the one you fall in love with, it just happens. I want you both to know that I am here for you. Anytime you want to talk you can send a private message to me, and eventually we can trade our reg email address. Please dont be so hard on yourselves, you both deserve happiness and love. Be hopeful. I have you in my prayers. Take care of yourselves.
luvsbubby

Hemmingway69 · 12-24-2005, 01:36 AM

Here I sit all alone
My love departed to her home

Drinking wine, a party for one
The joys of life, I have none

But still I sit, in front of this box
With the hope of seeing, her golden locks

My time will come, I can but pray
When we will be together, her home to stay

To you my love, another drink
To much time, to sit and think

Christmas eve,all alone
Until tomorrow, when we talk on the phone

So goodnight my love, till the morrow
Alone and drunk, in pain and sorrow

luvsbubby · 12-24-2005, 09:28 AM

R,

dont drink too much its not good for you. Keep your head up, you and L are in my prayers.
luvsbubby

12-19-2005, 03:10 AM	#1
buttercup Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 4	Confused and in pain I first met my brother nearly 2 years ago - although were communicating via email for some time before that. There was an attraction immediately and following much communication both written and by word about our feelings and the GSA issues we met again - he is across the other side of the globe! This year we have been fortunate enough to spend 16 weeks together - the latter union lasting 10 weeks living as husband and wife - except the objective was initially to get the relationship "into its proper place". That failed instantly on meeting at the airport - however the underlying objective was sort of there! Hopeless really. Anyway - during my time with him my family - 4 children and a husband were in touch - they were all aware of my objectives - although choosing to believe that we weren't sleeping together. For reasons I still don't understand myself - I have returned to the family home for Xmas and to do the right thing by all. Desite my heart screaming inside my head that I want to be with my brother R for ever and the fact that my marriage has been existing I somehow cannot make the break. I have been married for 26 years and together with my husband for 31 - my children are 17 and upwards - so not babies - but hugely opinionated. Constantly I am told that any relationhship with my R cannot survive - I will end up alone and miserable - and I guess that is my underlying fear - they all say they will never want to see me again if I go with "him". So I have returned - and feel I have sacrificed my happiness and my true love. My husband said that he didn't want to be the consolation prize - but frankly that is what he is. And of course I feel alone and miserable in the house - not with the children but certainly with my husband - and of course in time it will just be us! I can't live with R in NZ, his home, despite the fact that my birth mum and my two other sisters (full biological) live there. However he can live in England. So in some ways it looks simple - but many people around me know of my relationship and my fears are that in time - wherever I live the news would get out - and life would be a hiding game. I guess my fears are so many - but still I am aching to be with him - I am only half existing - not living at all. Each passing day is in a fog of misery. I don't know why I am writing really except that I have been reading alot of stories on this forum and hoped that I might get some relief from the turmoil that is constantly running through my head and my heart. Buttercup

12-19-2005, 05:15 PM	#2
BarbGonyo Administrator Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 269	looking for relief Dear Buttercup,. I hear you crying out for relief from your wants and desires but don't know how to give it to you. If it was in my power I would certainly give you the wisdom of Solomon and vanish your pain and make all of it be what you wish. But is there really any relief for your situation? I don't think so because you are in love and the forbiddeness of this relationship can be very appealing. The distance you have from your sibling makes it even more enticing. Losing your whole family over this needed feeling of belonging to your birthfamily is not an ideal swap. In time having ones children disown them and have a marriage that may or may not be in its honeymoon stages any longer, die and leave you to do what you want, might seem like a soulution but in the long term it may be the thing that would separate your sibling and you anyway. Since I don't have the wisdom of Solomon an can only rely on God to guide me, I will call on Him to help you find a happy solution for everyone concerned. If you haven't tried that method, I strongly advise it as it can give you some real wisdom and hopefully some comfort. I hope you will keep in touch if you feel the need to share your sorrows and successes. Barb Gonyo __________________ Barbara is the author of "I'm His Mother,but He's Not My Son" (formerly titled "The Forbidden Love, GSA". In the paper back edition of Forbidden Love, there are a total of 20 books left in that form. "The Forbidden Love Genetic Sexual Attraction is $15.00 plus postage and handling. Postage varies in places. In the U.S. postage comes to $2.31 Austrailia Fast Slower $8.40 one week $4.05- 4 weeks New I'm His Mother, but, He's Not My Son" will now be available electronically for your convience. The price is $15.00 check made out to Barbara Gonyo 906 Ioka Mt. Prospect, IL 60056 Upon receiving the order you will be given instructions on how to obtain the book. I hope this will be helpful to all of you who were having trouble getting the book. Barb Gonyo

12-21-2005, 01:08 PM	#4
Hemmingway69 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 7	Intensity It is very frustrating, apart from the fact that I do not see or think of Buttercup as my sister there is the age factor, I am 46 and have been fixed, she is 49 and nearing menopause, it doesent take a rocket scientist to realise that there will be no off spring from this union. It is purely love, a need to be together, why cant society recognise this. I have been looking back over posts to see if I can find where GSA was accepted, if memory serves me Buttercup did mention "Holland", we surfed this forum at length before she returned to UK so there were many pages and they all seem to run together. Can anyone help? There does seem to be a common thread amongst all the bro/sis relationships, especially the ones that have stepped over to the "dark side", and that is the intensity. Whether it is the sexual intensity or the heart and a need to be together, the thread is there. Why is this?, Why do GSA ppl get so passionate that they are willing to destroy their marrraiges for their bro/sis? Look I can understand lust, I am ex navy, I have travelled the world, had many encounters, some longer term than others. I was married for 20yrs but in all those relationships there has never been anything near the feelings , or passion, that I feel for buttercup and it isnt because it is heightened by breaking the taboos of incest that arouses me. It isnt that we are bro/sis. We dont look alike, there are some similarities in mannerism, some quirks we share, we both sleep on our stomachs hugging the pillow for example. It is that I have found the perfect woman, even a female version of me, we have the same likes and tastes, though not in movies, does this mean I am Narcissistic? It is all so unfair, you meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with and the law says you cant. Im sorry to have rambled on. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

12-23-2005, 12:53 AM	#6
buttercup Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 4	Confused and in Pain Thanks for your words luvsbubby there is serious stuff to think about there - I have been reading every response to my posting but don't get the opportunity to respond as my access is limited at the moment. Something has to happen as I am miserable and that isn't a way to live - but my misery also comes from the pain that I am causing my kids and husband - it is not their fault just as much as it is not mine. As said before I guess only time will tell - plus a bit of courage and effort.

12-24-2005, 01:36 AM	#9
Hemmingway69 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 7	An ode to my buttercup Here I sit all alone My love departed to her home Drinking wine, a party for one The joys of life, I have none But still I sit, in front of this box With the hope of seeing, her golden locks My time will come, I can but pray When we will be together, her home to stay To you my love, another drink To much time, to sit and think Christmas eve,all alone Until tomorrow, when we talk on the phone So goodnight my love, till the morrow Alone and drunk, in pain and sorrow

12-19-2005, 08:10 PM	#3
Hemmingway69 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 7	My heart screams out to hold you, to wrap you in my protective arms and comfort you. I too am alone, globally separated from my one true love, my soul mate. You see I am R. October and November have been the most precious and fulfilling months of my life and now I am lost, set adrift in an ocean of isolation and despair. Little things that people take for granted, like grocery shopping or having a drink bring back painful memories of our recent, fantastic, past. I was never so complete as when we were together, we seemed so in-sync, we knew each other’s thoughts and moods. There wasn't a day passed when either of us spoke what the other was thinking. I feel that I should point out to our fellow readers that this in-sync feeling and the deep heartfelt need to be together has been a part of our relationship from our first meeting. The solution does seem plainly obvious and that would be for me to move the UK. My marriage has ended, because of my love for L, and, because it wasn’t that strong anyway. I too have children, 3, sixteen and upward. The concerns of the law are ever present and unless someone can suggest a location where incest between consenting adults has been decriminalised we will have to live with that constant fear of being found out until society evolves to a point where consenting adults can love whom they please without fear of retribution. Barb I hear your comments about “the forbiddeness of this relationship can be very appealing. The distance you have from your sibling makes it even more enticing” and would like to point out that although I acknowledge genetically we are siblings we are not brother and sister, we were not raised as brother and sister and until I was forty did not even know of L’s existence. There is no thrill or stimulation from knowing I am in love with my sister, nor do I find it very appealing that my one true love lives on the other side of the world. The love we have is the love any two people in-love have for each other albeit with a need and intensity far greater that I have ever experienced in my life. I don’t know if there will be a happy ending to this story, only time will tell.

12-22-2005, 08:55 PM	#5
luvsbubby Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 84	R & L, O my gosh. My heart is breaking for you both!!! I just couldnt stand to be away from J for more than half a day. I look forward to coming home to him rain or shine everyday. We werent raised around each other each but we've been together for 6 years, and never too long apart. We moved in together after two weeks of meeting each other. We both had our own place at the time but we started staying at his mom's, we slept in the same room but not together. We got a place together and have been with each other almost every hour since then. You have no idea how bad i feel for you two. I went on vacation with my mom for 4 days once and it was horrible, i missed him so much. So i can feel your actual aching, crying, more than longing (its like death). I wish it were easier for society to accept our kind of relationship. Have you two thought of relocating together to somewhere you arent known? In the USA they dont really seek out these types of crimes and enforce any issues. You just dont have the option of a legal marriage, but you can live with anyone you want to live with. I really feel for you, I just feel so bad that you both are probably sick and miserable wherever you are. and J is here safe, happy, and all mine. You both are too old to be letting someone else control your life like this. Dont walk, run back to each other. Find a way!! Ya got money? Move... go get you a place together. L~~~~your kids will always love you and they will come back. Just tell them that you arent choosing btween them, they are giving you an ultimatum, so therefore they are making your choice for you. You need to be living for your own happiness, and when they realize this, the will be back. Please be kind to yourselves, dont reject your true feelings. Besides "what you love always gets you in the end" so the time it takes to hold onto what you love is merely a waste of time. Get there and stop wasting time, and your lives, and making yourselves so sick. Oh the pain I feel right now when I think of him and I being put in a position as you are now. I quiver while the feeling of cold and lonely brushes my heart as i ponder your situations. I am a 33 year old woman and I know I would get over it with my parent leaving to be with someone other than father/mother. They most likely wont like anyone else if you left and once you give them that power then they are choosing your every move. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to keep what mankes you happy close to your heart. No one should make that choice other than you two. At least you found a place to communicate. Peace and Prayers to both of you, LuvsbubbyJ

12-23-2005, 02:04 AM	#7
Hemmingway69 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 7	Oh luvsbuddy you are so supportive and I wish we were where you are, six years on and still passionately in love. I envy you and your bro. Your words give me strength and hope that some day L and I will be together. I dont think moving to the USA will solve our problems, apart from Green Card issues there would still be the distance for L from her children, the same as there would be down here, immigration and distance. All I can hope is "that I will get my love in the end" before too much time has been wasted.

12-23-2005, 08:03 AM	#8
luvsbubby Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 84	R&L I have no doubt in my belief that what u love gets you in the end, so i know you will be together. It is just a matter of time. I just feel so sad for you both. It worries me thought that you dont let too much time come between you being together. Obviously we all understand here that a year can be a drop in the bucket of time. When the youngest child is 18 or of legal age ( dont know what that is in your country) make your move then. In the meantime tell the kids often that you will be with R, when the time is right. That way they will be somewhat prepared when it happens. I dont mean to sound harsh L, but woman to woman: If your kids decided to go to college far away or if something happened to put phys distance btween you, and it was their choice or if God forbid one died, where would you be? Are you the kind of woman who if, you take the kids out of the picture, you would be nothing with out them? You cant put them above your own needs forever. I take it your comp time is limited because they monitor your comp activities also, maybe you can communicate on the comp at the library? Also btw, i wasnt suggesting that you move to usa, i know that would be way too hard for you both, i just wanted you to know how it is that we get away with it so easily. I just wish it were as easy for you also. Someday it will be. Being a sib couple is so much different from a non sib couple as i'm sure u know. You can only lie to yourself for so long, until the truth finds its way out. What I mean is that if you try to keep telling yourself that you can go on w/o each other, eventually you will realize that you cant and never could. So please do not move on to different relationships because you've given up on each other. I dont mean not to have any sexual relationships and make yourself completely unhappy. I mean dont get married to someone else because you think you wont make your way back to each other because you will. Right now, you just gotta do what you have to and know that someday you will be together. Because this is not an ordinary love. You also cant pick the one you fall in love with, it just happens. I want you both to know that I am here for you. Anytime you want to talk you can send a private message to me, and eventually we can trade our reg email address. Please dont be so hard on yourselves, you both deserve happiness and love. Be hopeful. I have you in my prayers. Take care of yourselves. luvsbubby

12-24-2005, 09:28 AM	#10
luvsbubby Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 84	R, dont drink too much its not good for you. Keep your head up, you and L are in my prayers. luvsbubby

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