my half bro

[johnathan]

when i was 12 my father was sued by my half bro's mom for child support. my father honestly believed that he was not the father of the child for reasons not important to the story. i was never told of him in all the 12 years of my life. i was such a shock to find out that i had another brother. anyways, my dad was indeed the father and my half bro wanted to meet my dad and my brother and i. by the way, i am a guy. so..... my brother met my family and i thought that he was extremly attractive. he is 3 years older than i am. so i was 12 going on 13 when i met him and he was 16. and he is half mexican. i have always found myself attracted to hispanic men. i had the hugest crush on him for years. i mean, i thought about him alllllllll the time. we have always been like friends. i dont have any sexual feelings for my full brother but i do for my half bro. he moved to my city a year after he graduated H.S. that was a major hassle for me b/c he was at my dad's house all the time and i was CONSTANTLY staring at him. so as i got older, got a job, liscense i was always out of the house and he moved in with his cousins so i never saw him all that much. i only see or hear from him every so often so it is really easy for me to deal with the whole situation. the whole thing sucks and i feel that if my dad had just been responsible i could have grown up knowing him as a brother rather than something else. i sorta feel disgusted with myself but i dont really think i should be blamed. i mean, if i dont have any feelings like that for my full bro and i do for my half bro that i didnt know that has to mean something!!! gah, the whole thing is sooo retarded...