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11-30-2010, 12:39 PM
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#1 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 7
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Does time heal all wounds??
It has been two years now since I last spoke to my hb. He hates me for no reason, will not have any contact with me & I have no idea what I have done. I thought that the love I feel and the heartache would lessen by now - but I was wrong. From reading the posts I see that others have been in this situation, does it get better? Is there any way to retain any type of relationship with each other someday?
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Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than his or her reaction to you. When you dare to fully reveal yourself, when you are completely vulnerable. |
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11-30-2010, 02:06 PM
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#2 |
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 49
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Time "heals" for some and "scars" over for others.
Be strong and keep moving forward. Hugs |
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11-30-2010, 02:26 PM
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#3 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 331
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Oh yes, it gets better, slowly, painfully, but surely. Especially when you choose to focus on the right things, & for the right reasons. IMO, the first thing to do, is to just stop with the, "What can I do to make him/her behave as I'd like them to". You can't, & you'll only get further frustrated, if you continue that thought pattern. The second thing, probably the most important thing, is to just focus on yourself, & the process of healing. You've had a hole in your heart, that was temporarily filled. And now that's gone, & it's like you've been ripped apart. The timing was all wrong. The bonding, the intimacy was to have been as an infant, long before romantic/sexual feelings would have ever played a part. But because of the actions of others (typically our parents), this wasn't allowed to happen in it's allotted time. We truly are victims here, you need to realize that. There is a time & place for the family bonds to take place, & we were denied that most vital process. But you don't have to stay a victim. Just as Paul, Lost, My Shadow, & Vic, all know & maintain, there is life on the other side. Even, better life than before. I KNOW that's the case with me, & others here too. You must claim your place & your victory, from this terrible tragedy. You're in the right place to do just that. We are like a fraternity here, continue reading & posting. Get all the anger & pain out, because it's poison as long as you try to keep it to yourself & bear the pain alone. Just knowing there IS hope, & being able to talk to others that understand exactly what you feel, makes a huge difference. It's you that has to do the hard, difficult, & seemingly endless work of recovery, but it's us who will help you when you reach out to us. It's a tough fight, maybe tougher than anything you've ever done. But, it's WORTH IT. Go get your life back, a life even BETTER than before. Bless you.--cedarforest
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11-30-2010, 03:15 PM
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#4 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 23
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Thank you for the PM Paul
Time seems to be all about those in the GSA relationships what about those left behind by this nightmare? I find that time helps a little but as soon as in my case a email from my wife wishing us all love and at the same time saying she needs to spend more time with her Dad, And I know its a deceit in progress I become angry and feel opposite that i did in my last post that they should not be reported. I don't feels so strong now as i did when I wrote that and understand how that call could be made to authoroities . It would be so easy to do but fear that would kill any chance for the future, not that there is much I think. I feel agrieved by her making me a fool, more of a fool some would say. There are few If any husbands in my situation on site, perhaps daughters with their fathers could give me their opinion...am I wasting my time? Those that had a husband and left or styed with him and why they did either. what their husband did to help or make it worse. If I had no children it would be easier I think, I too could run away and get 'distracted'. Maybe I search for advice where none exists that I want to hear. There are so many sad stories on this site and so few solutions for those that wait for GSA to wear off. I know it could be worse all I need now is for it to snow Thank you Barca |
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12-02-2010, 08:41 PM
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#5 |
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 80
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"QUOTE flafamily"-It has been two years now since I last spoke to my hb. He hates me for no reason, will not have any contact with me & I have no idea what I have done. I thought that the love I feel and the heartache would lessen by now - but I was wrong. From reading the posts I see that others have been in this situation, does it get better? Is there any way to retain any type of relationship with each other someday?
Hey Flafamily, Im sure your hb does not hate you, he probly loves you more than you will ever know. It isnt anything you have done, Its what he has done and he is dealing with it in his own way. Some people just shut down because they cannot express their feelings and say what they are really thinking and feeling. My best guess is he doesnt want to hurt you anymore and silence is the only way to do it. Unfortunately that sometimes hurts worse, believe me I know. 2 years, wow, thats a long time to be still carrying this. I had to let him go, Thats when it got better, When I realized that I could not change his thoughts and actions. I wasted so much time begging and pleading to make things right for us. When you decide to finally let him go, you will find peace and the hurting will end. Live and Enjoy YOUR life, You deserve it, We all do. Best wishes MyShadow |
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