Ending it

0410 · 12-09-2010, 12:51 PM

I have told my story on here before but now I am ready to move on. My dad and I started a sexual relationship about 3 years ago and he was all I wanted and needed. I am now ready to move on and live my life a bit more but am not sure how to tell him. We are still close and I love him, but only as a dad now. I have started avoiding going to his house coz I know hell want to have sex with me and I dont want to any more. How do I go about telling him? Any advice welcome please.

open2both · 12-09-2010, 02:10 PM

0,
Jeez. Just my 2 cents worth...
Does he have a temper or is he more on the "calm" side? Do you think he might get violent at hearing his "good time" is getting shut down or will he try and "guilt" you into continuing your love making and go into sulk mode? A possible way to go is write a thoughtful, EMPHATIC, clear, firm letter stating YOUR feelings, concerns, progress, maturity, evolving and independence. Hopefully, he will still cherish you as his daughter in the "traditional" way and he can move on too, so to speak. Pick a quiet time and place to read your letter to him and don't let him COMMENT until you completed your task. Take your time and have a CLEAR, UNMISTAKABLE tone that you're moving FORWARD and this is NON-negotiable.
Keep me posted, I'm pulling for ya'.
Big hug!

lostsister · 12-09-2010, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0410

How do I go about telling him? Any advice welcome please.

~ My Dearest Darling Daddy,

I love you with all my heart,
but Im no longer able to continue our relationship as it was.
Suddenly the " father " in you is what I cherish the most, its what I have needed from you for the longest time
I feel so blessed that somehow we managed to experience the LOVE that we both ached for . It has healed what was an ugly open wound for us both and now I look forward to a life that has you in it ,always.
Lovingly and respectfully
your Daughter
0410 ~

0410 · 12-09-2010, 07:17 PM

Thank you both! He is most likely to go in a sulk! Thats why its so hard coz i dont like it when hes in a sulk! I just feel like i need to live my own life and i cant do that! I cant meet guys coz he gets jealous and ends up sulking for days! I try to avoid going round to his house and I dont want things to be like that! im just so lost!!!

lostsister · 12-09-2010, 07:37 PM

sweetheart..

Let him SULK..
His feelings are his Choice NOT your responsibility...

You have a right to draw boundaries to protect yourself..
First you must give him the opportunity to work this through...Dont be afraid..
tell him YOUR Truth....Maybe just maybe HE will act like the mature one...
You are not lost, you are here amongst us....

0410 · 12-10-2010, 11:10 AM

Thank you! I think I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and tell him! Ill figure out a way i suppose. Im just worried that hes not going to want a 'normal' father/daughter relationship after all this time! Just gonna have to be brave.

open2both · 12-10-2010, 12:43 PM

Sweetheart,
The "letter" was PERFECT and I'm soooo pleased you're taking the BOLD and NECESSARY steps putting YOUR life on the RIGHT track. Gawd bless. Life is complicated, infuriating, glorious, situational, joyful, destructive, and brief, ya' know? Many on this site (me included) are deleriously happy and in loving relationships with family BUT I readily acknowledge there are far more people who are... you know the deal.
So again, HUGE hugs and you'll be just fine. Embrace the new year and the new YOU!

jagnostic · 12-10-2010, 07:20 PM

Somewhere in there is your father, as you want him and he wishes he could be, appeal to that --- tell him you are not happy --- this is what he needs to hear --- let him cry, let him sulk, let him get through it, but don't for one more second put yourself in a situation you don't want to be in. You just have to be honest because if you are not it will just hurt you both even more --- he will be ok ---- deep down I bet he just wants you to be happy ---- he probably gets caught up with thoughts of losing you ---- let him know he wont. You both seem to have done a lot of back and forth in your relationship and that takes a huge toll ----- be honest and don't waiver. No one can say it will all work out but honesty is the best tool you have to make it work

0410 · 12-13-2010, 11:31 AM

Thank you to you all for your advice and support! It is very much appreciated! Will speak to him this week I think as we both have quiet weeks on the work front so neither of us are stressed out! I will post and let you know how I get on! Thank you again!!!

12-09-2010, 12:51 PM	#1
0410 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 12	Ending it I have told my story on here before but now I am ready to move on. My dad and I started a sexual relationship about 3 years ago and he was all I wanted and needed. I am now ready to move on and live my life a bit more but am not sure how to tell him. We are still close and I love him, but only as a dad now. I have started avoiding going to his house coz I know hell want to have sex with me and I dont want to any more. How do I go about telling him? Any advice welcome please. __________________ 0410

12-09-2010, 07:17 PM	#4
0410 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 12	Thank you both! He is most likely to go in a sulk! Thats why its so hard coz i dont like it when hes in a sulk! I just feel like i need to live my own life and i cant do that! I cant meet guys coz he gets jealous and ends up sulking for days! I try to avoid going round to his house and I dont want things to be like that! im just so lost!!! __________________ 0410

12-09-2010, 07:37 PM	#5
lostsister Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 377	sweetheart.. Let him SULK.. His feelings are his Choice NOT your responsibility... You have a right to draw boundaries to protect yourself.. First you must give him the opportunity to work this through...Dont be afraid.. tell him YOUR Truth....Maybe just maybe HE will act like the mature one... You are not lost, you are here amongst us.... __________________ !!!!!!! PLEASE READ OUR HOME PAGE !!!!!!!! / ~ L o V e is its own R E W A R D ~ [email protected] Last edited by lostsister : 12-10-2010 at 03:10 PM.

12-10-2010, 11:10 AM	#6
0410 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 12	Thank you! I think I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and tell him! Ill figure out a way i suppose. Im just worried that hes not going to want a 'normal' father/daughter relationship after all this time! Just gonna have to be brave. __________________ 0410

12-10-2010, 07:20 PM	#8
jagnostic Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 96	Somewhere in there is your father, as you want him and he wishes he could be, appeal to that --- tell him you are not happy --- this is what he needs to hear --- let him cry, let him sulk, let him get through it, but don't for one more second put yourself in a situation you don't want to be in. You just have to be honest because if you are not it will just hurt you both even more --- he will be ok ---- deep down I bet he just wants you to be happy ---- he probably gets caught up with thoughts of losing you ---- let him know he wont. You both seem to have done a lot of back and forth in your relationship and that takes a huge toll ----- be honest and don't waiver. No one can say it will all work out but honesty is the best tool you have to make it work Last edited by jagnostic : 12-10-2010 at 08:09 PM.

12-09-2010, 02:10 PM	#2
open2both Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 49	0, Jeez. Just my 2 cents worth... Does he have a temper or is he more on the "calm" side? Do you think he might get violent at hearing his "good time" is getting shut down or will he try and "guilt" you into continuing your love making and go into sulk mode? A possible way to go is write a thoughtful, EMPHATIC, clear, firm letter stating YOUR feelings, concerns, progress, maturity, evolving and independence. Hopefully, he will still cherish you as his daughter in the "traditional" way and he can move on too, so to speak. Pick a quiet time and place to read your letter to him and don't let him COMMENT until you completed your task. Take your time and have a CLEAR, UNMISTAKABLE tone that you're moving FORWARD and this is NON-negotiable. Keep me posted, I'm pulling for ya'. Big hug!

12-10-2010, 12:43 PM	#7
open2both Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 49	Sweetheart, The "letter" was PERFECT and I'm soooo pleased you're taking the BOLD and NECESSARY steps putting YOUR life on the RIGHT track. Gawd bless. Life is complicated, infuriating, glorious, situational, joyful, destructive, and brief, ya' know? Many on this site (me included) are deleriously happy and in loving relationships with family BUT I readily acknowledge there are far more people who are... you know the deal. So again, HUGE hugs and you'll be just fine. Embrace the new year and the new YOU!

12-13-2010, 11:31 AM	#9
0410 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 12	Thank You Thank you to you all for your advice and support! It is very much appreciated! Will speak to him this week I think as we both have quiet weeks on the work front so neither of us are stressed out! I will post and let you know how I get on! Thank you again!!! __________________ 0410

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