How can I have a normal brother/sister relationship with my

07-01-2006, 04:05 PM

How can I have a normal brother/sister relationship with my h/b now after we have been so much more. I feel so rejected by him now he only wants to be a brother and I have a lot of bitterness for him because of it. He says he just wants to be normal, that comment hurts because I feel why did he cross the line in the first place. It is so difficult, he does love me a lot (as a sister). He acts like nothing has happened and like we have just been brother and sister all our lives. I am finding it all so difficult, it has brought such depression into my life, it's been terrible. I would advise those of thinking of crossing the line to think twice as it could ruin your life. Would appreciate any advice and would love to talk to someone who has or is going through the same stage, It's been so so hard not been able to talk to someone

Fie & John · 07-03-2006, 09:29 PM

Hi Ruby,

I can imagine how sad you feel. I am in a GSA relationship with my brother and the other week he told me he needed some time alone to think everything over etc. I thought the world had ended because we had been together non-stop for almost 3 months! I couldn't bear the thought of losing him now.

It took him some serious efforts before I was convinced he didn't intend to break up our relationship. He took the time to re-assure me before he left, and told me exactly when I could come get him to go home with me again. He promised no more than 5 days, and even called me later, when he was already at his own place, that he couldn't bear to be without me that long and could I please come a day earlier. Mymy was I relieved.

I don't think it's fair of your brother to act as if nothing happenend. If he loves you so much, he should take the time to talk to you about why he wants to stop the gsa relationship. He should have talked about it before he ended that to give you the chance to grow out of the relationship together with him and transform it into a normal bro-sis thing, just as you started it together. He should support you, not let you down!

Please try to convince him that you need his help in this. If he doesn't want to do that for you, please seek a therapist who can help you, because you need to heal yourself from this wound in your heart!

Sorry I don't have any good advice for you, I just hope you can come over this and I also hope your brother will help you to do so.

All the best, have courage, you are stronger than you think!

Fie

carrie · 07-04-2006, 02:49 PM

hello

I can really empathise with how you feel about your brother just acting as though nothing has ever happened. My full blood birth brother (he was adopted), and I had a gsa relationship for the 5 months that I knew him about 5 years ago. During that time, he was also very emotionally, verbally and psychologically abusive towards me and a lesser extent towards the rest of my family (our full mum, dad, and two other sisters). afterwards he just got up and left to go to thailand, changed all his phone numbers, his email address, everything. he just got up and left. Leaving a trail of depair behind him. I had just had an abortion. He was married and had two kids. But he ran away, and left a whole mess behind him for five whole years, with no contact all this time. Eventually I got on with my life, and gsa feelings towards him diminished. I began to feel happy again, and met a wonderful guy who I love dearly and who cares so much for me.
Sometimes I felt I wanted to see my brother again, but then I remembered exactly what he had done and made me feel I never wanted to set eyes on him again.
Shock horror, only this weekend he has just got back in touch, just out of the blue ringing my father and talking as though nothing had ever happened. As if he could just pick up things were he left them. And my parents are delighted to have him back (despite the fact he also caused them alot of heartache). I have spoken to him, and tried to talk to him about what happened those years ago, but he tries to avoid it, and when he does say anything, he is only concerned with his own feelings, and how it took him ages to get over, and how he never wants to think of it again. Not once did he ask how I was, how I coped with it all, how I have coped with the abortion etc etc............
I dont know what to do......
my parents dont know a thing that went on, about our gsa etc.
I am meeting my counsellor to talk it through and decide what my best plan of action is...........
But I understand, it is the worst feeling in the world to be left with all the baggage while the other person just decides they dont want to know..........

Carrie x

mwoo6i1485 · 07-07-2006, 11:08 AM

hello ruby and carry
i have also experienced alot of what both of you have been through,still trying to reconcyl some sort of relationship its not easy and seems to be taking forever,perhaps if you read my posts youll understand but i just wanted to wish you both well and say if you would like to talk you can pm me .take care x
mwoo

nutstobeme · 07-28-2006, 04:25 PM

Hey there,
real quick post just to say I am in this boat too. My full blood bro and I have crossed that line and are now trying to just be siblings. While it has not been easy it is something we both want so we just keep trying. It's only been 4 months since we crossed that line and we only crossed it once, but we also live 1500 miles apart and haven't seen each other since, so I guess that helps keep it safe

. I will have to write more at a later time, but just wanted to let you guys know that your not paddling this boat alone

nuts-O-

07-01-2006, 04:05 PM	#1
Posts: n/a	How can I have a normal brother/sister relationship with my How can I have a normal brother/sister relationship with my h/b now after we have been so much more. I feel so rejected by him now he only wants to be a brother and I have a lot of bitterness for him because of it. He says he just wants to be normal, that comment hurts because I feel why did he cross the line in the first place. It is so difficult, he does love me a lot (as a sister). He acts like nothing has happened and like we have just been brother and sister all our lives. I am finding it all so difficult, it has brought such depression into my life, it's been terrible. I would advise those of thinking of crossing the line to think twice as it could ruin your life. Would appreciate any advice and would love to talk to someone who has or is going through the same stage, It's been so so hard not been able to talk to someone

07-03-2006, 09:29 PM	#2
Fie & John Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 2	HI Hi Ruby, I can imagine how sad you feel. I am in a GSA relationship with my brother and the other week he told me he needed some time alone to think everything over etc. I thought the world had ended because we had been together non-stop for almost 3 months! I couldn't bear the thought of losing him now. It took him some serious efforts before I was convinced he didn't intend to break up our relationship. He took the time to re-assure me before he left, and told me exactly when I could come get him to go home with me again. He promised no more than 5 days, and even called me later, when he was already at his own place, that he couldn't bear to be without me that long and could I please come a day earlier. Mymy was I relieved. I don't think it's fair of your brother to act as if nothing happenend. If he loves you so much, he should take the time to talk to you about why he wants to stop the gsa relationship. He should have talked about it before he ended that to give you the chance to grow out of the relationship together with him and transform it into a normal bro-sis thing, just as you started it together. He should support you, not let you down! Please try to convince him that you need his help in this. If he doesn't want to do that for you, please seek a therapist who can help you, because you need to heal yourself from this wound in your heart! Sorry I don't have any good advice for you, I just hope you can come over this and I also hope your brother will help you to do so. All the best, have courage, you are stronger than you think! Fie

07-04-2006, 02:49 PM	#3
carrie Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1	my full blood brother has come back after over 5 years away hello I can really empathise with how you feel about your brother just acting as though nothing has ever happened. My full blood birth brother (he was adopted), and I had a gsa relationship for the 5 months that I knew him about 5 years ago. During that time, he was also very emotionally, verbally and psychologically abusive towards me and a lesser extent towards the rest of my family (our full mum, dad, and two other sisters). afterwards he just got up and left to go to thailand, changed all his phone numbers, his email address, everything. he just got up and left. Leaving a trail of depair behind him. I had just had an abortion. He was married and had two kids. But he ran away, and left a whole mess behind him for five whole years, with no contact all this time. Eventually I got on with my life, and gsa feelings towards him diminished. I began to feel happy again, and met a wonderful guy who I love dearly and who cares so much for me. Sometimes I felt I wanted to see my brother again, but then I remembered exactly what he had done and made me feel I never wanted to set eyes on him again. Shock horror, only this weekend he has just got back in touch, just out of the blue ringing my father and talking as though nothing had ever happened. As if he could just pick up things were he left them. And my parents are delighted to have him back (despite the fact he also caused them alot of heartache). I have spoken to him, and tried to talk to him about what happened those years ago, but he tries to avoid it, and when he does say anything, he is only concerned with his own feelings, and how it took him ages to get over, and how he never wants to think of it again. Not once did he ask how I was, how I coped with it all, how I have coped with the abortion etc etc............ I dont know what to do...... my parents dont know a thing that went on, about our gsa etc. I am meeting my counsellor to talk it through and decide what my best plan of action is........... But I understand, it is the worst feeling in the world to be left with all the baggage while the other person just decides they dont want to know.......... Carrie x

07-07-2006, 11:08 AM	#4
mwoo6i1485 Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 37	in same boat hello ruby and carry i have also experienced alot of what both of you have been through,still trying to reconcyl some sort of relationship its not easy and seems to be taking forever,perhaps if you read my posts youll understand but i just wanted to wish you both well and say if you would like to talk you can pm me .take care x mwoo

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07-28-2006, 04:25 PM	#5
nutstobeme Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 8	Hey there, real quick post just to say I am in this boat too. My full blood bro and I have crossed that line and are now trying to just be siblings. While it has not been easy it is something we both want so we just keep trying. It's only been 4 months since we crossed that line and we only crossed it once, but we also live 1500 miles apart and haven't seen each other since, so I guess that helps keep it safe . I will have to write more at a later time, but just wanted to let you guys know that your not paddling this boat alone nuts-O-