My half-sister

Allenbird · 10-03-2011, 02:47 PM

I guess I need to explain my story really for my own sake if just to write it down somewhere.

I had never known my father my entire life. I was raised by my grandmother and have always had issues as a child with my mother. Pretty much the only thing I have had to go on is a picture and a name and one day early 2000's I looked him up and found out he had passed away so I figured all issues had passed for me.

Then my mother passed away and I started revisiting old feelings of wanting to find out if this person who was mention was actually my real father. Finally earlier this year I made the step and directly looked for information regarding my paternity and found that I have 3 half sisters and one half brother on that side of the family.

I contacted the eldest sister ,and she agreed to have a sibling paternity test done with me We got the tests back that pretty much confirmed we were half siblings.

That was earlier this year, maybe around March. We haven't really spoken that much since then before September. In September she reached out to me because she was having some serious mental problems coping and dealing with where she lives and the people that had been around her that pretty much left her in a state of depression.

It pulled on me to help her out since she was needing someone and being the brother that she never knew, I felt I was at least obligated to do something, so I spent time with her through this entire past month. I helped her clean stuff up, helped her focus more on things she needed to do and just provided an adult presence for her to rely on. I am 37 and she is 29. I am married and she has a BF.

The GSA started almost immediately upon being around her for an extended period of time and she was the first to bring it up. I knew I was feeling it too but more confused than anything about the situation.

Anyways, without really going into more detail, it is a situation I am not sure what to do about. I have half brothers and sisters that I have been their brother all my life. I have met one of my other new half siblings and the GSA is not there with her at all.

She told me that if she let herself, she could easily fall head over heels in love with me, one that she knew she could never let go. I have already had those feelings very strongly and have to temper them daily. I feel she is pulling away from me and I feel hurt but also understanding because of our own personal lives yet I feel this stronge urge to still be around her. I will see her again this saturday evening and night and her BF will be there and everything so it will almost be an acting job for me to not show any emotion in that way. I'm sure she can keep her composure but it's almost like ripping my soul apart in ways yet I want her to be happy in her relationship.

I am so torn inside. I know that finding her was basically finding my father who I have never had in my life so the connection is extremely strong. She lost her father 10 years ago so I know I am a connection to a father that she lost. It is all so very strange and real and powerful. A love I know I could never let go of ,nor ever want to let go of, yet not being able to be with her or around her without feeling the pain.

The safest thing we can do is hug, and even around other people our hugs probably go on for way too long than they should. She even kisses me on the cheek in front of her BF. Which means nothing really to most people especially those between brother and sister, but it means so much more to me.

IDK if any of that makes sense. I know I needed to write it down.

cedarforest · 10-03-2011, 03:18 PM

We understand your confusion, exhillaration, & frustrations. It's just good to be able to release all that pent up emotion, to those who understand you. I'm glad you found us. We are happy to help, if we can.--cedarforest

Witts_end · 10-03-2011, 04:36 PM

Welcome Allen,

I understand the feelings all to well, I have them also for my half sis.
It's a struggle for sure and there is no yellow brick road or magic pill to take
unfortunately, BUT there are folks here that are more than willing to help and most of all listen and support you when it all seems too much to handle.
Allen just remember, youre not alone in your feelings and not the first one to feel this way.
All the best !

soconfused · 10-03-2011, 06:09 PM

Hey Allen!

This is definitely a hard situation and one that will not go away on its own thats for sure. I met my h/b back a few months back and haven't been the same since. Reading the posts here and asking for help is really a lifesaver as I would have thought I was going crazy without it.
Find someone you connect with and talk to them. It helps. My gsa buddy "Witts End" has helped take the edge off thats for sure!

art4me · 10-03-2011, 09:55 PM

Welcome Allen.

Genetic attraction is a normal response to a very unique and powerful situation of reuniting with lost loved one's. It is experienced as a surge of a fierce need to connect through physical, emotional and mental bounding, yoking the reunited family members in an enigma of love, lust, need, and attachment. It can become embarrassing, confusing, amazing, overwhelming, extremely frustrating, and perplex as each individual experiencing genetic attraction is bewildered by the immensity of yearning to unite and secure the bound that has been missing from their lives thus far and now seems impossible to live without.

It is the bodies design to help with the bonding process when we meet family members. A hormone called oxytocin is released. It is the same hormone mom's and father's have as well as the infant after their baby is born to help bound and fall madly in love with each other. As adults oxytocin is released when we fall in love and have sex. That is why genetic attraction becomes utterly confusion. Our minds have a hold of our hearts and what nature design for family establishment and strength has now ambush us to fall in love as half sister's and half brother's.

With support and mindfulness you can develop a meaningful lifelong friendship, soul-mate and best friend with your h/s. The emotional cravings to bond deeply with her will change and transform.

Do you have children?

Glad you found another 'new' family here.

myshadow · 10-03-2011, 10:17 PM

Hi Allen,

Thanks for sharing your story with us.
How do you feel after sharing? It sure helps to get it out, yea?

You are in a good place here. I hope you stay with us awhile.

There are people here that are in the same boat as you.
We understand!

I LOVE what soconfused said about having a "gsa buddy"
I had one too that was "goin crazy" like me. We helped eached other
through some difficult stuff when it seemed there was no one
else to talk to.
We really are like "family" here.

Welcome to the site

Allenbird · 10-04-2011, 07:26 AM

I do feel better in ways for saying something. I do invariably feel extremely guilty as in both our lives we are now in full relationships with other people and after spending almost the entire month of September with her, having to come back and be in a relationship with someone else is very very hard to do emotionally.
I feel guilt over the relationship I am in, the relationship she is in and yet I can't help but feel so much joy when I talk to her, just always thinking in my mind what I can do for her just to be close to her.
This upcoming weekend will prove interesting as I will be going back down and spending the night with one of my other new sisters and the one I haven't met is coming into town because she wants to meet me as well.
I have a daughter by someone else from a while back whom I see as much as I want and she has a daughter who lives with her. In fact, our daughters have quickly become best friends. Her daughter spent the night over this weekend with my daughter and they just get along famously.

soconfused · 10-04-2011, 08:01 AM

I feel your pain as far as the relationship with your wife. It is hard to have such strong feelings for someone else and come home and act like everything is normal with the significant other. I have a VERY hard time being intimate with my husband now that this has all happened. Let me clarify, nothing has happened with the h/b at all and I dont know if he has the feelings or not. I just know that when I am with him, nothing else matters to me and I am all giddy and its a high! Then the bad part comes later when I crash and feel horrible!
The good part for you is, you know that she feels the same. I am not saying that you should just go ahead and move forward with acting on your feelings but at least you know you two are in the same place emotionally.
Has your wife noticed a difference in you yet? I know I have changed ALOT since meeting my hb.

Allenbird · 10-04-2011, 08:36 AM

Well I don't know that she feels exactly the same. She has expressed that she would fall head over heals if she let herself. Honestly I think she is concentrating on her relationship now and I respect that. She keeps that as her focus so it probably makes it easier for her. Not much can be done in our situation anyways so I suppose making the best of it is the best course of action if anything.

I can't deny how I feel though. Just last night my wife and I were intimate and it seriously hurt. Like I was just not even there, yet I have been passionate with her many times so it's not like I can't be like that but it just seems fake to me. Yet I know nothing can be done, so it's like alot of frustration and pain. I was miles away.

No, no change really. I have always been sad in a way in a general sense just because I have lost both parents and grandparents so there is always this pervading sadness inside. but now I have it magnified by the feeling that I cannot be close to her at all, she cannot reciprocate anything seeing how she is concentrating on making her life. it really is hard.

soconfused · 10-04-2011, 10:03 AM

Oh wow, how you hit the nail on the head with the intimacy thing. I had a episode last week where after my husband and I were intimate I went in the bathroom and cried. That cannot be good! I have to wonder when and if this will ever pass.
From what others say on here, there is hope so I am just waiting for the day that I will feel better. Only 4 months out so I have a feeling I have a ways to go.
Just keep coming here and reading others situations, share when you feel like you have to let things out ( I let a whole lot of crap out here last week and it felt good) and hopefully things will get better for you soon.
Confused

10-03-2011, 02:47 PM	#1
Allenbird Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: North Carolina Posts: 15	My half-sister I guess I need to explain my story really for my own sake if just to write it down somewhere. I had never known my father my entire life. I was raised by my grandmother and have always had issues as a child with my mother. Pretty much the only thing I have had to go on is a picture and a name and one day early 2000's I looked him up and found out he had passed away so I figured all issues had passed for me. Then my mother passed away and I started revisiting old feelings of wanting to find out if this person who was mention was actually my real father. Finally earlier this year I made the step and directly looked for information regarding my paternity and found that I have 3 half sisters and one half brother on that side of the family. I contacted the eldest sister ,and she agreed to have a sibling paternity test done with me We got the tests back that pretty much confirmed we were half siblings. That was earlier this year, maybe around March. We haven't really spoken that much since then before September. In September she reached out to me because she was having some serious mental problems coping and dealing with where she lives and the people that had been around her that pretty much left her in a state of depression. It pulled on me to help her out since she was needing someone and being the brother that she never knew, I felt I was at least obligated to do something, so I spent time with her through this entire past month. I helped her clean stuff up, helped her focus more on things she needed to do and just provided an adult presence for her to rely on. I am 37 and she is 29. I am married and she has a BF. The GSA started almost immediately upon being around her for an extended period of time and she was the first to bring it up. I knew I was feeling it too but more confused than anything about the situation. Anyways, without really going into more detail, it is a situation I am not sure what to do about. I have half brothers and sisters that I have been their brother all my life. I have met one of my other new half siblings and the GSA is not there with her at all. She told me that if she let herself, she could easily fall head over heels in love with me, one that she knew she could never let go. I have already had those feelings very strongly and have to temper them daily. I feel she is pulling away from me and I feel hurt but also understanding because of our own personal lives yet I feel this stronge urge to still be around her. I will see her again this saturday evening and night and her BF will be there and everything so it will almost be an acting job for me to not show any emotion in that way. I'm sure she can keep her composure but it's almost like ripping my soul apart in ways yet I want her to be happy in her relationship. I am so torn inside. I know that finding her was basically finding my father who I have never had in my life so the connection is extremely strong. She lost her father 10 years ago so I know I am a connection to a father that she lost. It is all so very strange and real and powerful. A love I know I could never let go of ,nor ever want to let go of, yet not being able to be with her or around her without feeling the pain. The safest thing we can do is hug, and even around other people our hugs probably go on for way too long than they should. She even kisses me on the cheek in front of her BF. Which means nothing really to most people especially those between brother and sister, but it means so much more to me. IDK if any of that makes sense. I know I needed to write it down.

10-03-2011, 03:18 PM	#2
cedarforest Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 760	welcome aboard We understand your confusion, exhillaration, & frustrations. It's just good to be able to release all that pent up emotion, to those who understand you. I'm glad you found us. We are happy to help, if we can.--cedarforest __________________ PLEASE READ our HOME PAGE /

10-03-2011, 04:36 PM	#3
Witts_end Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: New Zealand now Posts: 41	Welcome Allen, I understand the feelings all to well, I have them also for my half sis. It's a struggle for sure and there is no yellow brick road or magic pill to take unfortunately, BUT there are folks here that are more than willing to help and most of all listen and support you when it all seems too much to handle. Allen just remember, youre not alone in your feelings and not the first one to feel this way. All the best ! __________________ you can fight and never win but never win without a fight.

10-03-2011, 09:55 PM	#5
art4me Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: on a peninsula Posts: 281	Welcome Allen. Genetic attraction is a normal response to a very unique and powerful situation of reuniting with lost loved one's. It is experienced as a surge of a fierce need to connect through physical, emotional and mental bounding, yoking the reunited family members in an enigma of love, lust, need, and attachment. It can become embarrassing, confusing, amazing, overwhelming, extremely frustrating, and perplex as each individual experiencing genetic attraction is bewildered by the immensity of yearning to unite and secure the bound that has been missing from their lives thus far and now seems impossible to live without. It is the bodies design to help with the bonding process when we meet family members. A hormone called oxytocin is released. It is the same hormone mom's and father's have as well as the infant after their baby is born to help bound and fall madly in love with each other. As adults oxytocin is released when we fall in love and have sex. That is why genetic attraction becomes utterly confusion. Our minds have a hold of our hearts and what nature design for family establishment and strength has now ambush us to fall in love as half sister's and half brother's. With support and mindfulness you can develop a meaningful lifelong friendship, soul-mate and best friend with your h/s. The emotional cravings to bond deeply with her will change and transform. Do you have children? Glad you found another 'new' family here. __________________ Weave the Love, Untangle the Confusion www.weavingloveuntanglingconfusion.blogspot.com

10-03-2011, 10:17 PM	#6
myshadow Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: tornado alley, USA Posts: 459	Hi Allen, Thanks for sharing your story with us. How do you feel after sharing? It sure helps to get it out, yea? You are in a good place here. I hope you stay with us awhile. There are people here that are in the same boat as you. We understand! I LOVE what soconfused said about having a "gsa buddy" I had one too that was "goin crazy" like me. We helped eached other through some difficult stuff when it seemed there was no one else to talk to. We really are like "family" here. Welcome to the site __________________ Rae READ:: / DOWNLOAD::Barbara Gonyo s e Book http://www.amazon.com/His-Mother-But...3684136&sr=8-1

10-03-2011, 06:09 PM	#4
soconfused Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 17	Hey Allen! This is definitely a hard situation and one that will not go away on its own thats for sure. I met my h/b back a few months back and haven't been the same since. Reading the posts here and asking for help is really a lifesaver as I would have thought I was going crazy without it. Find someone you connect with and talk to them. It helps. My gsa buddy "Witts End" has helped take the edge off thats for sure!

10-04-2011, 07:26 AM	#7
Allenbird Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: North Carolina Posts: 15	I do feel better in ways for saying something. I do invariably feel extremely guilty as in both our lives we are now in full relationships with other people and after spending almost the entire month of September with her, having to come back and be in a relationship with someone else is very very hard to do emotionally. I feel guilt over the relationship I am in, the relationship she is in and yet I can't help but feel so much joy when I talk to her, just always thinking in my mind what I can do for her just to be close to her. This upcoming weekend will prove interesting as I will be going back down and spending the night with one of my other new sisters and the one I haven't met is coming into town because she wants to meet me as well. I have a daughter by someone else from a while back whom I see as much as I want and she has a daughter who lives with her. In fact, our daughters have quickly become best friends. Her daughter spent the night over this weekend with my daughter and they just get along famously.

10-04-2011, 08:01 AM	#8
soconfused Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 17	I feel your pain as far as the relationship with your wife. It is hard to have such strong feelings for someone else and come home and act like everything is normal with the significant other. I have a VERY hard time being intimate with my husband now that this has all happened. Let me clarify, nothing has happened with the h/b at all and I dont know if he has the feelings or not. I just know that when I am with him, nothing else matters to me and I am all giddy and its a high! Then the bad part comes later when I crash and feel horrible! The good part for you is, you know that she feels the same. I am not saying that you should just go ahead and move forward with acting on your feelings but at least you know you two are in the same place emotionally. Has your wife noticed a difference in you yet? I know I have changed ALOT since meeting my hb.

10-04-2011, 08:36 AM	#9
Allenbird Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: North Carolina Posts: 15	Well I don't know that she feels exactly the same. She has expressed that she would fall head over heals if she let herself. Honestly I think she is concentrating on her relationship now and I respect that. She keeps that as her focus so it probably makes it easier for her. Not much can be done in our situation anyways so I suppose making the best of it is the best course of action if anything. I can't deny how I feel though. Just last night my wife and I were intimate and it seriously hurt. Like I was just not even there, yet I have been passionate with her many times so it's not like I can't be like that but it just seems fake to me. Yet I know nothing can be done, so it's like alot of frustration and pain. I was miles away. No, no change really. I have always been sad in a way in a general sense just because I have lost both parents and grandparents so there is always this pervading sadness inside. but now I have it magnified by the feeling that I cannot be close to her at all, she cannot reciprocate anything seeing how she is concentrating on making her life. it really is hard. Last edited by Allenbird : 10-04-2011 at 08:46 AM.

10-04-2011, 10:03 AM	#10
soconfused Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 17	Oh wow, how you hit the nail on the head with the intimacy thing. I had a episode last week where after my husband and I were intimate I went in the bathroom and cried. That cannot be good! I have to wonder when and if this will ever pass. From what others say on here, there is hope so I am just waiting for the day that I will feel better. Only 4 months out so I have a feeling I have a ways to go. Just keep coming here and reading others situations, share when you feel like you have to let things out ( I let a whole lot of crap out here last week and it felt good) and hopefully things will get better for you soon. Confused

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