My Secret - Exposed Thankfully...Finally

Rareone · 02-22-2007, 09:48 PM

Wow…I’m glad I watched Primetime on ABC by accident! It opened my eyes to this site and I am so glad I can FINALLY tell my story with GSA without anyone thinking that I was crazy or just 'nasty' :roll: :evil:

I wasn’t raised with either of my birth parents. I was raised by my aunt. When I was about 12, my bio father showed up at my door with 6 of my siblings. Before that point, I thought I only had 1 full blood brother. But with this new revelation, I found that I was 1 of 8 children.

I began visiting my ‘new’ family during the summer during my high school years. Out of all of my siblings, there was 1 that I just instantly took to. My younger half brother (4 years my junior). At the time, I didn’t have any sexual feelings towards him or him towards me that I knew of. He, in his early teens and me in my late teens, we became very close and protective of each other. We were so close that family members started making remarks in jest and our father went so far as to threaten my brother about what he would do if he found out that he was having sex with me. He was only 14 at the time and the thought was just sick to the both of us. We thought that our father was even sicker for even thinking that way!

Years later I got married, had kids and got divorced by the age of 23. He was dating every woman he could find at 19. We seen each other every now and then but our lifestyles prevented us from being as close as we used to be.

One day he came to visit me at my home and we were talking in the dark like we usually did (light after a certain time of day was just unnecessary). As we talked, the mood slowly changed. That was the 1st time that I felt something odd about our relationship. I had the same, heart fluttering feeling that one would have for their lover. I sensed he felt it too, because we both just sat in silence and waited for the awkward moment to pass and I quickly went to bed and he went to sleep on the couch.

Soon after, I fell onto hard times and I had to move from my home into a weekly hotel. My brother was floating from here to there with really no place to stay. I was scared and didn’t want to be in a hotel room with me and my kids alone, so I asked him to come stay for a few days.

At the time, I was dating this guy who wasn’t physically satisfying. When I was younger, I use to be very vocal about my sexuality to anyone who would listen (I’ve definitely learned my lesson with that). So naturally I started complaining to my brother about the guy. We’ve had conversations like this all the time, so it wasn’t abnormal. But, I wasn’t aware that this day would be the 1st day of the rest of our lives. My brother made the 1st move and we had sex (I was reluctant at first). We talked about what happened extensively afterwards. I thought that I was going to be plagued with feelings of guilt or at least shame, but I wasn’t. And he said he wasn’t either. Funny how society can dictate how you should feel. From that day, our physical relationship continued. So the days that were spend utlimately turned into 2 years of living together on and off.

It is going on 9 years now. In the very beginning, it was more physical and sibling attachment to each other. But somewhere during our 1st year, it turned into love and that was when things got difficult. Since we both were trying to convince ourselves every time we had jealous feelings towards a girlfriend or boyfriend that one of us would have, we would tell ourselves “That’s my brother/sister” to try to bury the true feelings that were inside. It worked to the extent that we would have relationships with other people, but we kept our relationship going under cover. I purposely did not get into anything too serious because I knew I would go back to him, no matter what and I didn’t want to cheat or hurt anyone. I loved my brother and he loved me. But I wouldn’t let my feelings go too far with him. After all, he was my brother…we couldn’t have a ‘real’ relationship right?

The last guy I was seeing figured it out. I denied it the whole time, but he knew. I tried to just stop wanting my brother. Just move on. Live my life like a ‘normal’ person. I tried to just dive into a relationship with this guy that everyone felt was ‘the one’ for me. But I couldn’t. The attraction and affection between my brother and I was unmistakable.

I regret to say that we have put each other through absolute hell trying to get over each other throughout the years. And last year was the worse between me and him. I was the ‘bad guy’ this time. I forced myself to be with the last guy that I was seeing because it was more ‘acceptable’ to the world. I hurt my brother bad, inadvertently flaunting it almost. I wasn’t aware of his pain, until later. We stopped speaking for months.

Finally, December of last year, I got up enough nerve to contact him. He agreed to see me (even though I knew more than half of him didn’t want to). I decided to stop living a lie and I let go of the 5 year relationship that I was in. I professed my love to my brother and told him that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I had to. I begged him to forgive me and that I made a mistake. I thought I lost him forever. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I did. We’ve shared too much together. I poured my soul out to him, which was something I had never done in my life to anyone and he did the same. In all the years that we were ‘together’ I had no idea he felt as deep (if not deeper) than I did. Us being open and honest with each other about our feelings, instead of suppressing them not to scare the other off, proved to be what we needed to move forward. So now we are a true couple (not just siblings who have deep feelings for each other but not expressing them) and looking towards a bright future together.

The bottom line to it is that no matter who I was with, I was never going to be truly happy unless I was with him. My brother and I share a bond that is rare. I have yet to see or even hear of it in a relationship (before I read some of the posts on here, that is). We can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking or feeling. We are so in tuned with each other emotionally and mentally, it is almost scary. We have never felt as deep for anyone else as we do for each other and yes, we really tried to. We tried to get 'over' us because the world said it wasn't right. But in our hearts and minds, it was completely natural and necessary.

But now, we have a few obstacles. Even though we have finally accepted our reality, we both have children. We’ve almost gotten to the point to confirm what our family has thought for years. We just got tired of the smart remarks and stares. The kids are the only reason why we haven’t. But we have something that the family can see without us saying a word. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter that looks exactly like him…and she is PERFECTLY NORMAL (for those people who think that having children with a family member automatically causes birth defects) She was conceived during the time we were living together, years ago. She doesn’t know her uncle is her father, but we vowed that if one of us died, the other would have to tell her. But it may be sooner than that because even she can see the resemblance. He is in her life on a regular basis. So hopefully she will understand why we had to do things how we did.

Coming to grips with who we really are and what truly makes us happy, no matter what society says, is the best thing that we could have done. I thank god everyday for him in my life and those thoughts and feelings are reciprocated. If at all possible we plan to marry soon. Simply put we love each other and instead of being miserable and living a lie, we chose to be true to our spirits and let our love grow. I wish we could show our love to the world, but for now, we can’t. We must continue to ‘sneak’ in the open, so to speak, for the kids’ sake. And we are content with that.

It feels so good to know that we are not alone in this! We truly feel that we are living the dream that most who have these types of feelings are too afraid to explore. We hear people talk about being with someone in their family all the time and the wishfulness in their voices. We just share a secret smile and not say a word about it. Maybe it is for a good reason that some don’t pursue it. But for us, we couldn’t be happier.

Thank you for reading and/or responding.

Martin1932 · 01-22-2008, 07:31 PM

Even though your wonderful story is eleven months old today, it is still marvelous to read of such a happy outcome. Since you have a beautiful 7 y/o daughter, we would all like to learn of any babies that we encourage the two of you to make.

magmar · 01-23-2008, 04:13 AM

wow, that was a very moving and heart felt post

made me almost cry in the middle part and im a guy lol! only bcos i am in a similar situation atm..met my half sister 3 years ago whos living in a different country than i. She is 22 and i am 25. We share the same bio father whom left both of us when we were babies. We grew up separately with our bio mothers. we fell in love instantly like its meant to be..but i am confused and kind of scared if what will happen if we pursue this relationship. Last month, I came over to see her with my family and some things did happen and now she want me to go back again soon..

I tried to date other women since to try and live a normal life and she got so jealous she also dated a guy..but when we met again last month we can't help the feelings we have with each other.. i understand what u mean about just looking at each other and knowing what we thinking. We're in tuned of eahc other feelings and emotions..i guess thats bcos we are related? lol. She really loves me and says that if i leave her she will lose hope with all guys bcos her own half bro hurt her... and i really don't want to hurt her.

I really don't know what to do and i think she may even be pregnant.. but i do love her and she feels the same way. But there is so much complications to it that im not sure if its all worth it..

But this website has at least assured me a little that its not only me who has stumbled to this situation and its good to hear stories like that above which at least have a happy ending

02-22-2007, 09:48 PM	#1
Rareone Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Georgia Posts: 9	My Secret - Exposed Thankfully...Finally Wow…I’m glad I watched Primetime on ABC by accident! It opened my eyes to this site and I am so glad I can FINALLY tell my story with GSA without anyone thinking that I was crazy or just 'nasty' :roll: :evil: I wasn’t raised with either of my birth parents. I was raised by my aunt. When I was about 12, my bio father showed up at my door with 6 of my siblings. Before that point, I thought I only had 1 full blood brother. But with this new revelation, I found that I was 1 of 8 children. I began visiting my ‘new’ family during the summer during my high school years. Out of all of my siblings, there was 1 that I just instantly took to. My younger half brother (4 years my junior). At the time, I didn’t have any sexual feelings towards him or him towards me that I knew of. He, in his early teens and me in my late teens, we became very close and protective of each other. We were so close that family members started making remarks in jest and our father went so far as to threaten my brother about what he would do if he found out that he was having sex with me. He was only 14 at the time and the thought was just sick to the both of us. We thought that our father was even sicker for even thinking that way! Years later I got married, had kids and got divorced by the age of 23. He was dating every woman he could find at 19. We seen each other every now and then but our lifestyles prevented us from being as close as we used to be. One day he came to visit me at my home and we were talking in the dark like we usually did (light after a certain time of day was just unnecessary). As we talked, the mood slowly changed. That was the 1st time that I felt something odd about our relationship. I had the same, heart fluttering feeling that one would have for their lover. I sensed he felt it too, because we both just sat in silence and waited for the awkward moment to pass and I quickly went to bed and he went to sleep on the couch. Soon after, I fell onto hard times and I had to move from my home into a weekly hotel. My brother was floating from here to there with really no place to stay. I was scared and didn’t want to be in a hotel room with me and my kids alone, so I asked him to come stay for a few days. At the time, I was dating this guy who wasn’t physically satisfying. When I was younger, I use to be very vocal about my sexuality to anyone who would listen (I’ve definitely learned my lesson with that). So naturally I started complaining to my brother about the guy. We’ve had conversations like this all the time, so it wasn’t abnormal. But, I wasn’t aware that this day would be the 1st day of the rest of our lives. My brother made the 1st move and we had sex (I was reluctant at first). We talked about what happened extensively afterwards. I thought that I was going to be plagued with feelings of guilt or at least shame, but I wasn’t. And he said he wasn’t either. Funny how society can dictate how you should feel. From that day, our physical relationship continued. So the days that were spend utlimately turned into 2 years of living together on and off. It is going on 9 years now. In the very beginning, it was more physical and sibling attachment to each other. But somewhere during our 1st year, it turned into love and that was when things got difficult. Since we both were trying to convince ourselves every time we had jealous feelings towards a girlfriend or boyfriend that one of us would have, we would tell ourselves “That’s my brother/sister” to try to bury the true feelings that were inside. It worked to the extent that we would have relationships with other people, but we kept our relationship going under cover. I purposely did not get into anything too serious because I knew I would go back to him, no matter what and I didn’t want to cheat or hurt anyone. I loved my brother and he loved me. But I wouldn’t let my feelings go too far with him. After all, he was my brother…we couldn’t have a ‘real’ relationship right? The last guy I was seeing figured it out. I denied it the whole time, but he knew. I tried to just stop wanting my brother. Just move on. Live my life like a ‘normal’ person. I tried to just dive into a relationship with this guy that everyone felt was ‘the one’ for me. But I couldn’t. The attraction and affection between my brother and I was unmistakable. I regret to say that we have put each other through absolute hell trying to get over each other throughout the years. And last year was the worse between me and him. I was the ‘bad guy’ this time. I forced myself to be with the last guy that I was seeing because it was more ‘acceptable’ to the world. I hurt my brother bad, inadvertently flaunting it almost. I wasn’t aware of his pain, until later. We stopped speaking for months. Finally, December of last year, I got up enough nerve to contact him. He agreed to see me (even though I knew more than half of him didn’t want to). I decided to stop living a lie and I let go of the 5 year relationship that I was in. I professed my love to my brother and told him that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I had to. I begged him to forgive me and that I made a mistake. I thought I lost him forever. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I did. We’ve shared too much together. I poured my soul out to him, which was something I had never done in my life to anyone and he did the same. In all the years that we were ‘together’ I had no idea he felt as deep (if not deeper) than I did. Us being open and honest with each other about our feelings, instead of suppressing them not to scare the other off, proved to be what we needed to move forward. So now we are a true couple (not just siblings who have deep feelings for each other but not expressing them) and looking towards a bright future together. The bottom line to it is that no matter who I was with, I was never going to be truly happy unless I was with him. My brother and I share a bond that is rare. I have yet to see or even hear of it in a relationship (before I read some of the posts on here, that is). We can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking or feeling. We are so in tuned with each other emotionally and mentally, it is almost scary. We have never felt as deep for anyone else as we do for each other and yes, we really tried to. We tried to get 'over' us because the world said it wasn't right. But in our hearts and minds, it was completely natural and necessary. But now, we have a few obstacles. Even though we have finally accepted our reality, we both have children. We’ve almost gotten to the point to confirm what our family has thought for years. We just got tired of the smart remarks and stares. The kids are the only reason why we haven’t. But we have something that the family can see without us saying a word. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter that looks exactly like him…and she is PERFECTLY NORMAL (for those people who think that having children with a family member automatically causes birth defects) She was conceived during the time we were living together, years ago. She doesn’t know her uncle is her father, but we vowed that if one of us died, the other would have to tell her. But it may be sooner than that because even she can see the resemblance. He is in her life on a regular basis. So hopefully she will understand why we had to do things how we did. Coming to grips with who we really are and what truly makes us happy, no matter what society says, is the best thing that we could have done. I thank god everyday for him in my life and those thoughts and feelings are reciprocated. If at all possible we plan to marry soon. Simply put we love each other and instead of being miserable and living a lie, we chose to be true to our spirits and let our love grow. I wish we could show our love to the world, but for now, we can’t. We must continue to ‘sneak’ in the open, so to speak, for the kids’ sake. And we are content with that. It feels so good to know that we are not alone in this! We truly feel that we are living the dream that most who have these types of feelings are too afraid to explore. We hear people talk about being with someone in their family all the time and the wishfulness in their voices. We just share a secret smile and not say a word about it. Maybe it is for a good reason that some don’t pursue it. But for us, we couldn’t be happier. Thank you for reading and/or responding.

01-23-2008, 04:13 AM	#3
magmar Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1	wow, that was a very moving and heart felt post made me almost cry in the middle part and im a guy lol! only bcos i am in a similar situation atm..met my half sister 3 years ago whos living in a different country than i. She is 22 and i am 25. We share the same bio father whom left both of us when we were babies. We grew up separately with our bio mothers. we fell in love instantly like its meant to be..but i am confused and kind of scared if what will happen if we pursue this relationship. Last month, I came over to see her with my family and some things did happen and now she want me to go back again soon.. I tried to date other women since to try and live a normal life and she got so jealous she also dated a guy..but when we met again last month we can't help the feelings we have with each other.. i understand what u mean about just looking at each other and knowing what we thinking. We're in tuned of eahc other feelings and emotions..i guess thats bcos we are related? lol. She really loves me and says that if i leave her she will lose hope with all guys bcos her own half bro hurt her... and i really don't want to hurt her. I really don't know what to do and i think she may even be pregnant.. but i do love her and she feels the same way. But there is so much complications to it that im not sure if its all worth it.. But this website has at least assured me a little that its not only me who has stumbled to this situation and its good to hear stories like that above which at least have a happy ending Last edited by magmar : 01-23-2008 at 04:22 AM.

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01-22-2008, 07:31 PM	#2
Martin1932 Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New Mexico, USA Posts: 29	Even though your wonderful story is eleven months old today, it is still marvelous to read of such a happy outcome. Since you have a beautiful 7 y/o daughter, we would all like to learn of any babies that we encourage the two of you to make.