Has anyone accomplished this????

[chele]

I haven't been on this site in a very long time. Long story short, I am adopted and met one of my half-brothers two years ago. The attractions was instant. I'm married and have three children. I have been married for 20 years. At the time I met my brother , the GSA was overwhelming, and my marriage was in a bad place. I took the feelings of GSA and ran with it. My brother felt the same. We met constantly and were sneaky and deceitful to my husband and family. We had a very intense emotional affair that bordered dangerously on physical. My husband figured out what was going on ....contact was cut off for a while. My husband, though, knew how important this blood relationship was to me in the midst of figuring out my identity. So, we have tried to keep my brother in our lives because he is my brother and my children's uncle. It has been difficult because he seems to still want to cross the line in conversation. This has been incredibly hard on my husband. I have had lots of therapy over the last year and a half and have grown a lot. I don't have the GSA feelings anymore, but I can't speak for my brother.

So.......has anyone survived an affair like this and been able to maintain a relationship with this person in a "safe" wayj??????

[blueeyes77]

Hi Chele, Thanks again for your reply to my post. Thought I'd bump your post up since we have very similar stories! I too would love to know how to maintain a 'normal' relationship now. How do we stop trying to cross the line in conversation??
Wishing you the best.

[Victor]

Originally Posted by chele

My husband, though, knew how important this blood relationship was to me in the midst of figuring out my identity. So, we have tried to keep my brother in our lives because he is my brother and my children's uncle. It has been difficult because he seems to still want to cross the line in conversation. This has been incredibly hard on my husband. I have had lots of therapy over the last year and a half and have grown a lot. I don't have the GSA feelings anymore, but I can't speak for my brother.

You need to tell your brother that crossing that line, even in conversation, is too far. Let him know that you no longer feel these feeings for him and that he needs to let go of his for you. You want him in your life and your kids' lives but that you won't do so at their risk and peril of letting them see his bad behavior toward you. If his relationship as your brother and their uncle is important to him, he'll modify his behavior. If not, then let him keep a safe distance. You have resolved to stay in your marriage and he needs to respect that, regardless.

Vic