New to this..My first message

lovebro · 08-18-2007, 04:47 AM

Hi, I joined about 5 minutes ago. Am a bit nervous, but relieved Im not the only one out there that feels the way I do about my sibling. Here's a quick synopsis....

I found out that i had a brother. We are only a year apart in age so we have a lot in common. When we met, there was instant attraction although we did not act on or talk about it for about 7 months. Its an emotional rollercoaster. He is my best friend, filling a part of me that I didnt know was empty to start with. Now, 5 years after our first meeting, I love him more than anybody in this world. I used to think I was in love with him. I may still be, who knows. We hav since stopped our physical relationship, but every now and then something will happen. We both just want to feel close to each other. We have been to a councillor which helped me, but not my brother. We both have partners now, but at any moment, we could fall back into our old ways. It is in no way a relection of how we feel about our partners. Its something that we feel we have no control over.

Anyway, I'm glad Ive found this site. Its helping me understand and deal with what Ive been going through for so long.

jen · 08-21-2007, 12:30 PM

hi - i too am quite new to this site and like you have found it a tremendous help in dealing with some of the feelings i have been experiencing. I was very recently reunited with my father and totally unprepared for this aspect of the reunion. One of the most helpful things was discovering i was not alone or in fact some freak of nature. It was summed up very nicely by another member of the group when she explained we were simply reacting normally to an abnormal situation.
I hope things are going well for you and your brother and you have found happiness or at least a degree of peace. I am still trying to decide exactly what i want from my relationship with my father - we are taking things one day at a time and are doing an awful lot of talking and soul searching. I sometimes think its very difficult for parents experiencing feelings of gsa especially fathers - i guess they can be judged more harshly because they are in fact the parent even though i am a grown woman of 35 years. Luckily we have this place to vent. Anyway welcome to the group - i hope you find it as supportive as i have

Best wishes
Jen

lovebro · 08-22-2007, 07:27 AM

Hi Jen,

Thanks for your reply. Its so nice to hear someone say "i know how you feel". My brother and I are good for the moment. The feelings are there and the thoughts are there, but we have stopped acting on those for the moment. I often wonder if he will "feel" like a brother. I have another brother i grew up with and the feelings I have are totally different. With the brother I grew up with, I feel safe and secure and all the other normal sibling stuff. With my "new" brother, he feels more like a best friend, sometimes a boyfriend. There is no sibling feeling yet. Even after all this time. I really want that "normal" feeling.

jen · 08-22-2007, 12:15 PM

Hi - I've been thinking about what you have written and i dont know if this will help but i thought i would share my experiences with you. I have two brothers and a sister (i havent any gsa feelings towards any of them). One of my brothers was raised seperately - technically hes my half brother. Any way my point is although i love the three of them dearly and purely as siblings i dont feel the same way about any of them. Different people bring out different parts of our nature and respond to different things. I don't think you will ever feel the same way about your two brothers - but that doesnt mean one set of feelings is right and the other wrong. The fact that gsa is complicating one part of your relationship with one brother should'nt detract from the rest of the relationship. I think because we find the feelings of gsa difficult to deal with we can sometimes focus on them - but in my opionion your relationship with your brother is not based on these feelings - they are simply one aspect of the relationship and that is true whether the feelings are acted upon or not. Try to enjoy the good times with your brother - you two have already missed out on alot and shouldnt feel guitly about enjoying one anothers company - and if things get too much for you come on here and vent. I have found things much easier to deal with now i have a safe place to talk.

Jen

Jacob · 08-22-2007, 10:45 PM

hello,
i am a new member as well...this is my first time here and after reading some of the posts, its hard to describe the feeling...realizing there are others out there who can understand the things i've felt... I have had very strong feelings for my older sister for many years now..she is 12 years older than me and when she was 18 she moved out of state for about 10 years and in that time i was only able to see her a couple of times.. when she returned home i was instantly attracted to her physically, and shortly after became attracted to her emotionally as well...all this time i've wondered if i was crazy..my feelings haven't changed for her, but i have never told her or anyone about it... i still feel what is as best as i can describe, a very strong crush on her...and if the opportunity arose to be closer to her or actually have an intimate bf/gf type relationship with her, i am sure i would jump at the chance... but anyway, just wanted to post and say hello and i am so thankful that this forum exists.. thank you
jacob

sislovesbro · 08-24-2007, 01:15 PM

Hi everyone! I also just joined about 10 minutes ago. I saw this special on Primetime a few nights ago on this subject and was shocked, amazed and relieved there are others out there! I feel so alone and I can't talk to anyone about this. In 2005 I searched for my biological mother. I learned that she has passed away in 2001 but there was a half sister and brother that were raised together and living locally. My brother and I instantly clicked (we are approx 1.5 years apart in age). We talked on the phone or saw each other several times a week. Then in the spring of 2006, we got drunk together and he made a pass at me. I completely responded to it. The next day I was shocked, disgusted and horrified. I told him it would never happen again. Well, within 3-4 months we were engaged in a full on sexually intimate relationship (I just couldn't stop it). It has been blissful and painful all at the same time. I'm married and betraying my husband (we have been going through maritial problems for a few years, especially sexual issues). My brother has had girlfirends and is in fact married (but the wife is in prison). I've tried to stop our affair but it never lasts for long. There is so much more to explain, but I don't want to make this a novel. Basically, we are very different from each other and I would NEVER become involved with someone like him, but here I am. I know this has moved from lust to love and I know this can only lead us and others to heartache and despair. I can't stop thinking about him, wanting him and loving him, but I know I have too. I had no idea this could happen - NEVER saw it coming. I even read some damn book that was supposed to prepare me for finding my biological family. There was never any mention of this!

2fiddle · 08-24-2007, 04:55 PM

Hello,
I am also new to this site, I saw the program the other night and boy was I relieved that there are other people out there to talk to about this. I was just recently reunited with my son after a 23 year separation.

We have met twice and talk daily. Reading through other posts we have the same issue of constantly wanting to touch each other and hug. As the parent I realize this is the bonding that I missed out on. I'm not sure how he feels. He is in the service and will be going to Iraq shortly which makes me even more anxious.
His dad is totally against us having any contact which is making it even harder on him.
So that is my story and I'm very thankful for this site as it helps me sort out my feelings towards my oldest son. And why I constantly want to be touching him.

jen · 08-24-2007, 08:48 PM

hello 2fiddle

i dont know if you know my story but i am a daughter who was reunited with her father after 27 years - its hard and its confusing. If i can be of any help please contact me - as the rediscovered child i suspect your son needs to feel loved and accepted. Please don't worry about how you are feeling - you always have choices and there is not always a right or wrong choice.

Jen

Victor · 08-24-2007, 11:18 PM

Hi Jen,

I'm a father who recently met his 30+ y/o daughter for the first time and are struggling with GSA. I just wanted you to know you are not alone...even here.

Vic

jen · 08-25-2007, 07:24 AM

Hi Vic

I just wanted to say hello and thank you. It sounds as though we are in very similar situations - believe it or not alot of what you say reminds me very much of my father. How are things currently with your daughter - are you still staying with her. I recenly spent some time with my father (and his wife) at his home and it was quite a bittersweet experience. It was fabulous being able to spend so much time with him, but very difficult having to share him and keep our true feelings hidden. Even without the gsa there is so much we have to talk about and share - and both our other halves are struggling with jealousy. OMG if they only knew.

Thanks again for posting - it really does help knowing there are others going through the same sort of thing

Jen

08-18-2007, 04:47 AM	#1
lovebro Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 5	New to this..My first message Hi, I joined about 5 minutes ago. Am a bit nervous, but relieved Im not the only one out there that feels the way I do about my sibling. Here's a quick synopsis.... I found out that i had a brother. We are only a year apart in age so we have a lot in common. When we met, there was instant attraction although we did not act on or talk about it for about 7 months. Its an emotional rollercoaster. He is my best friend, filling a part of me that I didnt know was empty to start with. Now, 5 years after our first meeting, I love him more than anybody in this world. I used to think I was in love with him. I may still be, who knows. We hav since stopped our physical relationship, but every now and then something will happen. We both just want to feel close to each other. We have been to a councillor which helped me, but not my brother. We both have partners now, but at any moment, we could fall back into our old ways. It is in no way a relection of how we feel about our partners. Its something that we feel we have no control over. Anyway, I'm glad Ive found this site. Its helping me understand and deal with what Ive been going through for so long.

08-22-2007, 07:27 AM	#3
lovebro Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 5	second time... Hi Jen, Thanks for your reply. Its so nice to hear someone say "i know how you feel". My brother and I are good for the moment. The feelings are there and the thoughts are there, but we have stopped acting on those for the moment. I often wonder if he will "feel" like a brother. I have another brother i grew up with and the feelings I have are totally different. With the brother I grew up with, I feel safe and secure and all the other normal sibling stuff. With my "new" brother, he feels more like a best friend, sometimes a boyfriend. There is no sibling feeling yet. Even after all this time. I really want that "normal" feeling.

08-24-2007, 01:15 PM	#6
sislovesbro Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 10	I'm new and need support Hi everyone! I also just joined about 10 minutes ago. I saw this special on Primetime a few nights ago on this subject and was shocked, amazed and relieved there are others out there! I feel so alone and I can't talk to anyone about this. In 2005 I searched for my biological mother. I learned that she has passed away in 2001 but there was a half sister and brother that were raised together and living locally. My brother and I instantly clicked (we are approx 1.5 years apart in age). We talked on the phone or saw each other several times a week. Then in the spring of 2006, we got drunk together and he made a pass at me. I completely responded to it. The next day I was shocked, disgusted and horrified. I told him it would never happen again. Well, within 3-4 months we were engaged in a full on sexually intimate relationship (I just couldn't stop it). It has been blissful and painful all at the same time. I'm married and betraying my husband (we have been going through maritial problems for a few years, especially sexual issues). My brother has had girlfirends and is in fact married (but the wife is in prison). I've tried to stop our affair but it never lasts for long. There is so much more to explain, but I don't want to make this a novel. Basically, we are very different from each other and I would NEVER become involved with someone like him, but here I am. I know this has moved from lust to love and I know this can only lead us and others to heartache and despair. I can't stop thinking about him, wanting him and loving him, but I know I have too. I had no idea this could happen - NEVER saw it coming. I even read some damn book that was supposed to prepare me for finding my biological family. There was never any mention of this! Last edited by sislovesbro : 08-24-2007 at 07:46 PM.

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08-21-2007, 12:30 PM	#2
jen Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 8	hi - i too am quite new to this site and like you have found it a tremendous help in dealing with some of the feelings i have been experiencing. I was very recently reunited with my father and totally unprepared for this aspect of the reunion. One of the most helpful things was discovering i was not alone or in fact some freak of nature. It was summed up very nicely by another member of the group when she explained we were simply reacting normally to an abnormal situation. I hope things are going well for you and your brother and you have found happiness or at least a degree of peace. I am still trying to decide exactly what i want from my relationship with my father - we are taking things one day at a time and are doing an awful lot of talking and soul searching. I sometimes think its very difficult for parents experiencing feelings of gsa especially fathers - i guess they can be judged more harshly because they are in fact the parent even though i am a grown woman of 35 years. Luckily we have this place to vent. Anyway welcome to the group - i hope you find it as supportive as i have Best wishes Jen

08-22-2007, 12:15 PM	#4
jen Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 8	Hi - I've been thinking about what you have written and i dont know if this will help but i thought i would share my experiences with you. I have two brothers and a sister (i havent any gsa feelings towards any of them). One of my brothers was raised seperately - technically hes my half brother. Any way my point is although i love the three of them dearly and purely as siblings i dont feel the same way about any of them. Different people bring out different parts of our nature and respond to different things. I don't think you will ever feel the same way about your two brothers - but that doesnt mean one set of feelings is right and the other wrong. The fact that gsa is complicating one part of your relationship with one brother should'nt detract from the rest of the relationship. I think because we find the feelings of gsa difficult to deal with we can sometimes focus on them - but in my opionion your relationship with your brother is not based on these feelings - they are simply one aspect of the relationship and that is true whether the feelings are acted upon or not. Try to enjoy the good times with your brother - you two have already missed out on alot and shouldnt feel guitly about enjoying one anothers company - and if things get too much for you come on here and vent. I have found things much easier to deal with now i have a safe place to talk. Jen

08-22-2007, 10:45 PM	#5
Jacob Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 3	hello, i am a new member as well...this is my first time here and after reading some of the posts, its hard to describe the feeling...realizing there are others out there who can understand the things i've felt... I have had very strong feelings for my older sister for many years now..she is 12 years older than me and when she was 18 she moved out of state for about 10 years and in that time i was only able to see her a couple of times.. when she returned home i was instantly attracted to her physically, and shortly after became attracted to her emotionally as well...all this time i've wondered if i was crazy..my feelings haven't changed for her, but i have never told her or anyone about it... i still feel what is as best as i can describe, a very strong crush on her...and if the opportunity arose to be closer to her or actually have an intimate bf/gf type relationship with her, i am sure i would jump at the chance... but anyway, just wanted to post and say hello and i am so thankful that this forum exists.. thank you jacob

08-24-2007, 04:55 PM	#7
2fiddle Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 1	Hello, I am also new to this site, I saw the program the other night and boy was I relieved that there are other people out there to talk to about this. I was just recently reunited with my son after a 23 year separation. We have met twice and talk daily. Reading through other posts we have the same issue of constantly wanting to touch each other and hug. As the parent I realize this is the bonding that I missed out on. I'm not sure how he feels. He is in the service and will be going to Iraq shortly which makes me even more anxious. His dad is totally against us having any contact which is making it even harder on him. So that is my story and I'm very thankful for this site as it helps me sort out my feelings towards my oldest son. And why I constantly want to be touching him.

08-24-2007, 08:48 PM	#8
jen Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 8	hello 2fiddle i dont know if you know my story but i am a daughter who was reunited with her father after 27 years - its hard and its confusing. If i can be of any help please contact me - as the rediscovered child i suspect your son needs to feel loved and accepted. Please don't worry about how you are feeling - you always have choices and there is not always a right or wrong choice. Jen

08-24-2007, 11:18 PM	#9
Victor Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 106	Hi Jen, I'm a father who recently met his 30+ y/o daughter for the first time and are struggling with GSA. I just wanted you to know you are not alone...even here. Vic

08-25-2007, 07:24 AM	#10
jen Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 8	Hi Vic I just wanted to say hello and thank you. It sounds as though we are in very similar situations - believe it or not alot of what you say reminds me very much of my father. How are things currently with your daughter - are you still staying with her. I recenly spent some time with my father (and his wife) at his home and it was quite a bittersweet experience. It was fabulous being able to spend so much time with him, but very difficult having to share him and keep our true feelings hidden. Even without the gsa there is so much we have to talk about and share - and both our other halves are struggling with jealousy. OMG if they only knew. Thanks again for posting - it really does help knowing there are others going through the same sort of thing Jen