A Family Reuinion gone wrong or right?

ozzy378 · 08-29-2007, 09:58 PM

I wouldn't say this is an extreeme case... but here it goes. My brother and I went on a trip to meet my moms side of the family. I don't live with my real parents... But they were there for the reunion, aswell as my half sister. I havn't seen her since I was 3 or 4? too young to remember anything. So now I'm 23, and she is 26. It started when something was on my mind and we went and talked... we bonded really well. We had the same outlooks and understandings in alot of topics. Towerds the end things seemed to be coupley? Like when you meet somone and you sit by them, or catch them looking at you and viceversa. I would go as far to see if she was looking at me, to see if I was the only one doing it. Not the case... But I started to think to myself when we bonded that I could see myself really falling for her and that she seemed like my ideal match... then it hit me. I liked her... I loved her?

When I left she came out crying and we held eachother for a good 5 minutes before I went. We took some photoes shortly after my brother and I left with the rest of my family. During that time we kept looking at eachother. I know whats moraly wrong. I am human. I'm not an advocat for incest. But there is a difference between growing up with a sibling and meeting them for really the first time and seeing it in a different perspective.

I don't know what to do... Should I tell her what I think... That I have this gsa thing going on? keep silent and pretend I don't feel that way? I'm worried that if I say something that I can ruin a good thing. But if I don't... then? well can't really explain the then... but I'm sure all who have been through this know what "then" is.

Victor · 08-30-2007, 09:19 AM

All of us here know that once you tell her, two things are likely....she will either tell you that she doesn't have that same sense of attraction for you, or that she does. If she doesn't, well then, you'll feel rejected and devistated, but that's an affect of unrequited GSA and that's the worse that can happen. If she does, then what? If you and her consumate your love she risks losing her husband and you both risk losing your otherwise normal lives. Are you willing to risk everything...your job, family, your friends....just to quench this strong thirst? Most of us here are suffering because of one of these many results. I wish it were different but it isn't.

I find myself fortunate that my daughter and I haven't yet acted on our feelings. But everyday is a challenge to just avoid going there. Everyday I wish there wasn't this terrible stigma against this kind of love, but we press on, hoping that maybe by avoiding going down that path long enough that the Westermarck effect will eventually kick in and relieve us of our desires. No one has tried to do that before but we're willing....we want desperately to be together as father and daughter, not lovers. Problem is that we can't talk to anyone about these feelings outside of our therapists. Even though we haven't done anything, we both know that revealing this to anyone else in the family will be the end of any normal life we hoped to have. We will be judged, not by what we did, but by feelings that we didn't act upon.

Good luck,

Vic

ozzy378 · 08-30-2007, 10:32 AM

well, we are boh single, and have no kids. Wich we were talking about.. in terms of what we wanted in another person.

Victor · 08-30-2007, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ozzy378

well, we are boh single, and have no kids. Wich we were talking about.. in terms of what we wanted in another person.

Just consider carefully the consequences of your actions, and, if you are willing to accept and work thru what comes your way, all I can say is the best of luck to you.

sislovesbro · 08-30-2007, 04:14 PM

I would like to echo Victor's advice on moving ahead carefully with your decision. Last year I acted on my lustful desire for my brother. We both thought we could just get together a few times, get it out of our system and be done with it. Whatever. A year later and we are still lying, sneaking around. I feel like a dirtbag most of the time. I'm betraying my husband and I know if we were ever caught we would both lose everyone is our lives. Because of my intimate feelings for my brother, I'm jealous when he dates or talks with other women. It sucks. If I would have known about GSA last year I would have been able to understand better what was happening to us and act accordingly. No matter what you do, there will be some pain and heartache involved. Best of luck.

Victor · 08-30-2007, 05:55 PM

This is not to say that you can't be together without problems. But it will mean sacrifices. You must be willing to make those sacrifices....all of them....to make it work, or it won't.

ozzy378 · 08-30-2007, 08:31 PM

Yeah... well this was about 4 days ago. I have gotten back home, and she gets back home on the 31st... so I plan to talk to her over the phone and see what vibe is going down.

My aunt was talking about how she wanted me to move down there and how she can get me a job at her place, and how she wants a roomate. I told my aunt to tell her I missed her and what not. When I called my aunt again, she said my half sister was eager to know what I said... So I'm not sure at this point if it's mutual. But i'm going with my hunch.

ozzy378 · 08-30-2007, 08:36 PM

ps: I'm thinking on how the rest of the world would bash me. But honestly... I can give to shits about what others think... Not to say I plan to make it public. But I feel so decesitised about alot of things... that this just doesn't feel wrong to me. The only real issue at hand is what others think.

Victor · 08-30-2007, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ozzy378

The only real issue at hand is what others think.

That is the one that will get you the most. If you live in the bible belt you stand a better chance of getting arrested and convicted on charges of incest...yes it is a crime in all 50 US states (I'm assuming you are from the states). In the more liberal "blue" states it's one of those crimes that no one bothers to investigate anymore, but it is still on the books.

I hate to say this, but, it is the "righteously" religious who will judge you more harshly. Beware of letting them in on the secret. I have a sister who adores me, but she's so righteously religious she would curse me to hell if she knew what my daughter and I wanted to do to one another -- we don't have to actually do it, just think it. You will alienate some of your family, others will surprise you and come to your defense. (I am basing this on behavior I have witnesses when a gay relative came out of the closet, or when a transexual admitted their desire to be the opposite sex, and not on any direct experience with coming forward about one's GSA). The experience will not be a pleasant one.

If your boss finds out, and if you live in a small enough town that's a good possibility, and he/she is offended by the act of incest (most people see it as something an adult does to their child against the child's will) you will lose your job. If you are self-employed your cliens may get wind of it and stop calling you. My advise is to move far from family and current friends. Create a new support base that don't know of you two as brother and sister.

I have thought long and hard about the potential consequences. These are my warnings and recommendations. Good luck to you both.

ozzy378 · 09-01-2007, 04:59 AM

I told her, it's mutual... thank god.... It was hard, but I did it.

08-29-2007, 09:58 PM	#1
ozzy378 Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 6	A Family Reuinion gone wrong or right? I wouldn't say this is an extreeme case... but here it goes. My brother and I went on a trip to meet my moms side of the family. I don't live with my real parents... But they were there for the reunion, aswell as my half sister. I havn't seen her since I was 3 or 4? too young to remember anything. So now I'm 23, and she is 26. It started when something was on my mind and we went and talked... we bonded really well. We had the same outlooks and understandings in alot of topics. Towerds the end things seemed to be coupley? Like when you meet somone and you sit by them, or catch them looking at you and viceversa. I would go as far to see if she was looking at me, to see if I was the only one doing it. Not the case... But I started to think to myself when we bonded that I could see myself really falling for her and that she seemed like my ideal match... then it hit me. I liked her... I loved her? When I left she came out crying and we held eachother for a good 5 minutes before I went. We took some photoes shortly after my brother and I left with the rest of my family. During that time we kept looking at eachother. I know whats moraly wrong. I am human. I'm not an advocat for incest. But there is a difference between growing up with a sibling and meeting them for really the first time and seeing it in a different perspective. I don't know what to do... Should I tell her what I think... That I have this gsa thing going on? keep silent and pretend I don't feel that way? I'm worried that if I say something that I can ruin a good thing. But if I don't... then? well can't really explain the then... but I'm sure all who have been through this know what "then" is.

08-30-2007, 04:14 PM	#5
sislovesbro Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 10	Move ahead carefully I would like to echo Victor's advice on moving ahead carefully with your decision. Last year I acted on my lustful desire for my brother. We both thought we could just get together a few times, get it out of our system and be done with it. Whatever. A year later and we are still lying, sneaking around. I feel like a dirtbag most of the time. I'm betraying my husband and I know if we were ever caught we would both lose everyone is our lives. Because of my intimate feelings for my brother, I'm jealous when he dates or talks with other women. It sucks. If I would have known about GSA last year I would have been able to understand better what was happening to us and act accordingly. No matter what you do, there will be some pain and heartache involved. Best of luck.

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08-30-2007, 09:19 AM	#2
Victor Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 106	All of us here know that once you tell her, two things are likely....she will either tell you that she doesn't have that same sense of attraction for you, or that she does. If she doesn't, well then, you'll feel rejected and devistated, but that's an affect of unrequited GSA and that's the worse that can happen. If she does, then what? If you and her consumate your love she risks losing her husband and you both risk losing your otherwise normal lives. Are you willing to risk everything...your job, family, your friends....just to quench this strong thirst? Most of us here are suffering because of one of these many results. I wish it were different but it isn't. I find myself fortunate that my daughter and I haven't yet acted on our feelings. But everyday is a challenge to just avoid going there. Everyday I wish there wasn't this terrible stigma against this kind of love, but we press on, hoping that maybe by avoiding going down that path long enough that the Westermarck effect will eventually kick in and relieve us of our desires. No one has tried to do that before but we're willing....we want desperately to be together as father and daughter, not lovers. Problem is that we can't talk to anyone about these feelings outside of our therapists. Even though we haven't done anything, we both know that revealing this to anyone else in the family will be the end of any normal life we hoped to have. We will be judged, not by what we did, but by feelings that we didn't act upon. Good luck, Vic

08-30-2007, 10:32 AM	#3
ozzy378 Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 6	well, we are boh single, and have no kids. Wich we were talking about.. in terms of what we wanted in another person.

08-30-2007, 05:55 PM	#6
Victor Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 106	This is not to say that you can't be together without problems. But it will mean sacrifices. You must be willing to make those sacrifices....all of them....to make it work, or it won't.

08-30-2007, 08:31 PM	#7
ozzy378 Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 6	Yeah... well this was about 4 days ago. I have gotten back home, and she gets back home on the 31st... so I plan to talk to her over the phone and see what vibe is going down. My aunt was talking about how she wanted me to move down there and how she can get me a job at her place, and how she wants a roomate. I told my aunt to tell her I missed her and what not. When I called my aunt again, she said my half sister was eager to know what I said... So I'm not sure at this point if it's mutual. But i'm going with my hunch.

08-30-2007, 08:36 PM	#8
ozzy378 Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 6	ps: I'm thinking on how the rest of the world would bash me. But honestly... I can give to shits about what others think... Not to say I plan to make it public. But I feel so decesitised about alot of things... that this just doesn't feel wrong to me. The only real issue at hand is what others think.

09-01-2007, 04:59 AM	#10
ozzy378 Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 6	I told her, it's mutual... thank god.... It was hard, but I did it.