Child with Brother

Red · 09-01-2007, 01:08 PM

My fb and I have now been together for over two years and we are very seriously considering having a child together. Could anyone advise me of the real risks associated with this? As far as we are aware, there is no genetic illness within our family (though obviously our knowledge is sparse when it comes to this). I'd be grateful for any input or if anyone could advise me who to approach for this information I would appreciate it.

Thanks.

Victor · 09-01-2007, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red

My fb and I have now been together for over two years and we are very seriously considering having a child together. Could anyone advise me of the real risks associated with this? As far as we are aware, there is no genetic illness within our family (though obviously our knowledge is sparse when it comes to this). I'd be grateful for any input or if anyone could advise me who to approach for this information I would appreciate it.

Thanks.

There is only a 2-8% greater risk of producing a child with defects between sibling couples than between unrelated couples (it's 2% for first cousins). The royal family of the Polynesians who populated the Hawaiian Islands were very inbread, marrying brother and sister, who were themselves the offsping of a brother and sister. They were not affected by a slue of genetic defects. It's pretty much a myth, this genetic defect thing for kids of siblings. In fact, if you both share some good traits, like higher intellect for example, the chances that your child will be born with that good trait are higher. We have actually looked at the evidence for and against becoming a couple ourselves. There really isn't a bad reason for being together except the scorn of your family and the society in which you live, and the laws of the land. But we can change these things over time if we stand up for ourselves, just as many interracial couples did back in the 60's and 70's.

mar · 09-01-2007, 10:26 PM

Hi Red,

I am thinking of having a child too with my bf. We have been together a long long time!! I am lucky in that my close friends all know (they knew me when I met him) and are very supportive and think that we should go for it.

It is a hard decision as once made you can't change your mind!! I was thinking of a sperm donor but then wouldn't the child be in the same position potentially in 18 years time wanting to trace their parent?

Anyway, at the moment it is not the genetic risks that would concern me...as Victor mentioned they are low....it is the questions our child might ask in the future...
Anyway keep posting because it is comforting to know that others are in the same dilemma.....

Regards and best wishes, Mar

Red · 09-02-2007, 10:36 AM

It was a really hard decision to make but you're right mar, once your mind is made up it's pretty unstoppable! We've considered what we'll tell the child when it's older and we feel that honesty will be the best policy. Two of my children from my marriage live with me, and the oldest is already aware of the situation in any event. The youngest is only 3 so obviously she is far too young to know as yet. We have recently told our sister and my foster mum the truth about our relationship and they were surprisingly supportive. I think they both realise that the relationship will continue, whatever their views, and all they will achieve by condemning us is alienation from us permanently.

Thank you for letting me know about the genetic risks victor, these were causing me a fair amount of anxiety, given the amount of bad press there is out there.

I'll keep you posted and let me know how things go with you mar.

All the best and take care.

xx

Victor · 09-02-2007, 03:42 PM

Glad I could be of assistance, Red. All my best to you, your brother, and your kids.

cap · 09-04-2007, 02:08 PM

Hi, just wanted to throw my 2 cents in. I fell in love with my full little sister 4 and a half years ago and am still madlly in love her, but she won't let us act on our feelings until her kids have grown and moved away. I would have dropped everything to be with her in a second, but she wouldn't let it happen.

In the time since I've met her, me & my wife have had a little girl (2.5 years old now, the love of my life). She had a birth defect and almost didn't survive childbirth. Scariest 3 months of my life with all the testing, utlrasonds, etc, etc. She's fine now, and we have another on the way. I'm praying this one goes smoothly, I couldn't handle a repeat of what happened. The thing is, me & my wife got full support from everyone during our time of need, because we weren't doing anything wrong in societies eyes.

But...could you imagine if my sister had given in and it was me & my sisters child? Could you imagine going through tyring to deal with your child having a birth defect, knowing full well that you may have contrubuted to it? I couldn't handle that, maybe some here could, but I couldn't handle that.

When this baby born I'm having a vesictamy, just incase me and my sister do wind up together one day. If siblings want to be together, I don't see any problem with that. As far as siblings having kids...well...if something goes wrong...what a nightmare that would be.

Don't make your decisions lightly. AND IM NOT JUDGING ANYONE!!! If my sister had let us be together, I most likely would have gotten her pregnant because I'm in love with her. I'm a dumbass anyway when it comes to falling in love.

I wish everyone the best of luck, and that you find peace.

cap

Bella · 09-04-2007, 05:14 PM

Hello:

One of the biggest things in this life I wanted was to be a Mummy. I had many problems and was told I could never get pregnant. Like a very bad joke I did get pregnant by my bio-father. We talked/fantasised about having our own family but what the thought of having a child and what it the child was sick. Perhaps it is a myth that biologically connected people have children with defects but what if it did? In society I believe that most people believe that they do and what when people find out. For me, it was one thing having the relationship with Jakob but to bring a child into the situation. And just what if, what if, the chid was sick I would never have been able to forgive myself. Maybe I was not strong enough I dont know.

I am also not judging anybody. I am just expressing my thoughts on my situation.

Take good care,

Victor · 09-04-2007, 06:31 PM

The answer is that there really isn't a greater risk of birth defects. If there was, then sperm doners would have to be known to the offspring they create to assure us that these unrecorded half siblings don't mate with each other. There is a good chance that there are many couples in the world today who do not know that they are really brother and sister, simply because their mother's got their sperm from a spermbank.

Our phobias about incent are not based on fact of birth defects or infant mortality. They are based on ancient social values (a duaghter was best used as a bargaining chip with ones enemies rather than with those who aren't) and ancient religious dictates. We now know the truth. It's time the ancient laws changed or went away. This will take time, however, and those of us here, willing to take a stand and love the one we love, who happens to be a close relative, are leading the wave of that change. I have nothing but admiration for those brave enough to face society. For the rest of us, lets try to be encouraging of the brave ones.

Red · 09-05-2007, 09:33 AM

I appreciate all the responses to my question and I'm aware that this is a difficult subject to many, hence my asking in the first place. This is something we've agonised over on many occasions, mulling over whether it would be too risky from the birth defect point of view and how our decision will affect not only the future wellbeing of the child but those around us too. Victor, I'm really grateful to you for your words of encouragement and it has helped to find out more factually-based information. Should I fall pregnant, we intend to have as many of the genetic tests performed as possible so that we know our child is healthy, though obviously I know these tests are not exhaustive.

Thanks to everyone and I'll keep you posted about how things proceed!

Red xx

Red · 09-24-2007, 01:13 AM

Hi all,

Thought I'd let you know that I've just found out I'm six weeks pregnant. I know some people will disapprove but we're both really happy about the news. Fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy and baby! x

09-01-2007, 01:08 PM	#1
Red Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: England Posts: 40	Child with Brother My fb and I have now been together for over two years and we are very seriously considering having a child together. Could anyone advise me of the real risks associated with this? As far as we are aware, there is no genetic illness within our family (though obviously our knowledge is sparse when it comes to this). I'd be grateful for any input or if anyone could advise me who to approach for this information I would appreciate it. Thanks.

09-04-2007, 02:08 PM	#6
cap Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 39	siblings having children Hi, just wanted to throw my 2 cents in. I fell in love with my full little sister 4 and a half years ago and am still madlly in love her, but she won't let us act on our feelings until her kids have grown and moved away. I would have dropped everything to be with her in a second, but she wouldn't let it happen. In the time since I've met her, me & my wife have had a little girl (2.5 years old now, the love of my life). She had a birth defect and almost didn't survive childbirth. Scariest 3 months of my life with all the testing, utlrasonds, etc, etc. She's fine now, and we have another on the way. I'm praying this one goes smoothly, I couldn't handle a repeat of what happened. The thing is, me & my wife got full support from everyone during our time of need, because we weren't doing anything wrong in societies eyes. But...could you imagine if my sister had given in and it was me & my sisters child? Could you imagine going through tyring to deal with your child having a birth defect, knowing full well that you may have contrubuted to it? I couldn't handle that, maybe some here could, but I couldn't handle that. When this baby born I'm having a vesictamy, just incase me and my sister do wind up together one day. If siblings want to be together, I don't see any problem with that. As far as siblings having kids...well...if something goes wrong...what a nightmare that would be. Don't make your decisions lightly. AND IM NOT JUDGING ANYONE!!! If my sister had let us be together, I most likely would have gotten her pregnant because I'm in love with her. I'm a dumbass anyway when it comes to falling in love. I wish everyone the best of luck, and that you find peace. cap

09-04-2007, 05:14 PM	#7
Bella Junior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 18	Child with Brother Hello: One of the biggest things in this life I wanted was to be a Mummy. I had many problems and was told I could never get pregnant. Like a very bad joke I did get pregnant by my bio-father. We talked/fantasised about having our own family but what the thought of having a child and what it the child was sick. Perhaps it is a myth that biologically connected people have children with defects but what if it did? In society I believe that most people believe that they do and what when people find out. For me, it was one thing having the relationship with Jakob but to bring a child into the situation. And just what if, what if, the chid was sick I would never have been able to forgive myself. Maybe I was not strong enough I dont know. I am also not judging anybody. I am just expressing my thoughts on my situation. Take good care,

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09-01-2007, 10:26 PM	#3
mar Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 23	Hi Red, I am thinking of having a child too with my bf. We have been together a long long time!! I am lucky in that my close friends all know (they knew me when I met him) and are very supportive and think that we should go for it. It is a hard decision as once made you can't change your mind!! I was thinking of a sperm donor but then wouldn't the child be in the same position potentially in 18 years time wanting to trace their parent? Anyway, at the moment it is not the genetic risks that would concern me...as Victor mentioned they are low....it is the questions our child might ask in the future... Anyway keep posting because it is comforting to know that others are in the same dilemma..... Regards and best wishes, Mar

09-02-2007, 10:36 AM	#4
Red Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: England Posts: 40	It was a really hard decision to make but you're right mar, once your mind is made up it's pretty unstoppable! We've considered what we'll tell the child when it's older and we feel that honesty will be the best policy. Two of my children from my marriage live with me, and the oldest is already aware of the situation in any event. The youngest is only 3 so obviously she is far too young to know as yet. We have recently told our sister and my foster mum the truth about our relationship and they were surprisingly supportive. I think they both realise that the relationship will continue, whatever their views, and all they will achieve by condemning us is alienation from us permanently. Thank you for letting me know about the genetic risks victor, these were causing me a fair amount of anxiety, given the amount of bad press there is out there. I'll keep you posted and let me know how things go with you mar. All the best and take care. xx

09-02-2007, 03:42 PM	#5
Victor Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 173	Glad I could be of assistance, Red. All my best to you, your brother, and your kids.

09-04-2007, 06:31 PM	#8
Victor Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 173	The answer is that there really isn't a greater risk of birth defects. If there was, then sperm doners would have to be known to the offspring they create to assure us that these unrecorded half siblings don't mate with each other. There is a good chance that there are many couples in the world today who do not know that they are really brother and sister, simply because their mother's got their sperm from a spermbank. Our phobias about incent are not based on fact of birth defects or infant mortality. They are based on ancient social values (a duaghter was best used as a bargaining chip with ones enemies rather than with those who aren't) and ancient religious dictates. We now know the truth. It's time the ancient laws changed or went away. This will take time, however, and those of us here, willing to take a stand and love the one we love, who happens to be a close relative, are leading the wave of that change. I have nothing but admiration for those brave enough to face society. For the rest of us, lets try to be encouraging of the brave ones.

09-05-2007, 09:33 AM	#9
Red Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: England Posts: 40	I appreciate all the responses to my question and I'm aware that this is a difficult subject to many, hence my asking in the first place. This is something we've agonised over on many occasions, mulling over whether it would be too risky from the birth defect point of view and how our decision will affect not only the future wellbeing of the child but those around us too. Victor, I'm really grateful to you for your words of encouragement and it has helped to find out more factually-based information. Should I fall pregnant, we intend to have as many of the genetic tests performed as possible so that we know our child is healthy, though obviously I know these tests are not exhaustive. Thanks to everyone and I'll keep you posted about how things proceed! Red xx

09-24-2007, 01:13 AM	#10
Red Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: England Posts: 40	Hi all, Thought I'd let you know that I've just found out I'm six weeks pregnant. I know some people will disapprove but we're both really happy about the news. Fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy and baby! x