Thought I was normal til this...

[crushedsister]

Here it goes... Im 39, was adopted at birth and married/children. Met my 26 year old half brother 2 years ago when he contacted me to let me know my birth mother had died. She raised him, I met her once 15 years ago.

We lived about 3 hours apart and were so excited that we met the very next weekend. It was wonderful and emotional. He was shocked at how much I looked like his mother (my birth mother). We talked almost eveyday as well as texted and he and his girlfriend came for weekend visits. About a year into this he called one day and said he and his girlfriend had ended their relationship and he felt lost and alone. I, being his big sister wanted to take care of him, I wanted to love him and hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. He came for a short stay and decided to move here and start a new life here with his new found family. Thats when things started to change. It happened, we crossed the line! Its been the most painful year of my life and his as well.

Anyone contemplating crossing the line to GSA DONT DO IT! You will never be the same again and you will loose your sibling/relative in the end, not to mention other loved ones in your life. I cant say it enough dont do it!!!!!!!!

With that said, please let me go back... The love connection is like no other you will ever feel. I love him so much, I see him and I melt, my heart races, I can't breathe, He truly is a part of me. We have the same eyes, the same hands the same skin, same jawline and same thoughts and feelings for eachother. Thats the drive to continue, but somewhere down this path of deceit and destruction the the feeling changed again. Obsession took over on both our parts but I handled it better than he. My half brother has a drinking problem and his jealousy and obsession would get violent everytime he would drink. He physically hurt me many many times accusing me of not only being with my husband but other men which is completely untrue, he even forced me to have sex with him during physical confrontations. He would apologize profusely and cry as soon as the alcohol wore off. I would forgive him because of my own sick obsessive issues.

My relationship with my husband was a timebomb, he new something was wrong but couldnt put his finger on it. My half brother would threaten to tell my husband about us and destroy my family. (keep in mind I destroyed my family the day we crossed the line, my family just didnt know it yet).

I can go on and on, story after story but Im gonna shorten it up a bit. A few weeks ago he got drunk, made a scene, wanted to beat on me and probably rape me, I had reached my breaking point, I told my husband. You can only imagine the pain and tears, why would I do this to my family?????????? My half brother has since left town but he blames everything on me. Still calls and texts accusing me of having other relationships! I agreed to not talk to him again and that he is no longer a part of our lives but the separation is so painful, like a death. I ask myself how can I feel this way after everything he has put me through, and trust me its alot. I am deceiving my husband more by continuing to talk to him, even though its always a fight.

I wish somehow we could go back, back to that day that we crossed the line. This life experience has been one that I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

Will I never have him as my brother.....does he have to be dead to me.........please help, im crushed.

[ripped_in_half]

n/a n/a n/a n/a /n/a

[lighthouse]

Sorry ripped, I don't think suggesting an occasional drink with a raging alcoholic is a good idea. Crushed, I am so sorry to hear of your pain. You must realize that you are the victim of a bizarre set of circumstances. You feel an impossible strong connection to your brother but right now, it's not working for you to have contact with him. One might say it's similar to an abused woman who stays with someone who hurts her, but I think it's so much more than that. He is a part of your existence and bonding experience that has been missing and you desperately don't want to lose that again.

I hope that you know that as complicated and messy and this is, it isn't your fault. It's just a quirk of nature that we are all struggling to understand. In time, things will settle down for all parties (you, your brother, your husband) and you'll be able to live with this. As you know, it's not easy.

Funny, as painful as this can be, I'm still glad in a way that I can experience it. I see where I've been lucky to avoid consumating a GSA relationship, but it still hurts all the same.

[crushedsister]

Thank you for your replies. Im sure that many people reading this know what I mean when I say I dont know how to go on without him in my life.

I lived without him for 39 years but I feel I can no longer do that. I feel so lost and alone. I sit here surrounded by people who l love and love me but I feel alone. Please adivse, I need help desperatley

[Victor]

Originally Posted by crushedsister

Thank you for your replies. Im sure that many people reading this know what I mean when I say I dont know how to go on without him in my life.

I lived without him for 39 years but I feel I can no longer do that. I feel so lost and alone. I sit here surrounded by people who l love and love me but I feel alone. Please adivse, I need help desperatley

I know what you mean. But do remember that just because you feel the pull of GSA, doesn't mean you should put up with abuse from your brother, either. You simply can't allow those feelings to rule your life and bring you harm. That's going too far.

[Victor]

Sounds like someone is off his meds again.