Best Friends

[Victor]

Best friends.....that's how I tried to make my mother understand my relationship with my daughter who I just met 7 months ago. I couldn't bring myself to tell her my real feelings for this young lady.....that of passionate love and desire, the kind that binds two people together intimately for life.

I want so desperately for those my daughter and I love to know about us, and accept our love, as deep as it is between us, as freely as they would any other such relationship between two people. I can just imagine the shock and horror that would come over that dear woman's face if she knew that my daughter and I want to be intimately "in-love" with each other, and to do things to each other that daughters who have been raised by their fathers wouldn't ever think of doing.....or would they?

Does Westermarck really kill our genetic sexual attactions, or is more the traditional and social taboos that we are surrounded by as family units the actual cause of the westermarck effect, and that in truth daughters can still be attracted to their fathers and brothers, and sons to their mothers and sisters.

I remember a conversation with one of my uncles (we're only 4 years apart; I the oldest child of the oldest of his siblings and he the youngest of the siblings). He confessed to me that day that he had sexual desires for his mom, who was 38 years his elder. Was it a fluke, or is it possible that we find ourselves attracked to the sex oriented corresponding family member if they happen to be more like us than the others? is this really just a self love? I know that in my own case, my daughter is so much like me, both in her looks and behaviors, even intellect.

Thoughts anyone?

[osiris]

Originally Posted by Victor

...is this really just a self love? I know that in my own case, my daughter is so much like me, both in her looks and behaviors, even intellect.

Thoughts anyone?

A human's first unconscious thought is about its own body, and its first spark of awareness is self-awareness. It follows that our first and strongest love would be self-love.

We have hard-wired into our consciousness a survival mechanism that causes us to seek out that which is similar to ourself, and reject that which is not. The result of this mechanism, extrapolated over tens of thousands of years, is the division of humanity into races, nations, religions, communities, tribes and clans.

If our first love is self-love, then what could be stronger than our love for the ones most like us? It could very well be that both Freud and Westermarck were right, and that we all do have sexual feelings for our mothers, daughters, sisters, fathers, brothers and sons... but that familiarization breeds contempt, and that contempt keeps us from breeding.

All I know for sure is my own experience, and have a hard time understanding the prejudices of so-called "normal" people. I simply cannot comprehend the depth of their disgust at the thought of a sexual union of two adults who happen to be related. Obviously, the thought of sex with my sister does not disgust me in the least, nor does the thought of you with your daughter, or anyone here with their chosen partner. We are all doing what we are commanded to do by our deepest evolutionary instincts, and in this case Darwin trumps both Westermarck and Freud.

One last thought, about the idea of self-love:

This is something I wrote to Luvsbubby in an e-mail a few months ago, when she asked what made my relationship with my sister unique. You may have read it before on the Yahoo site, but it seems appropriate here.

What makes our relationship unique? Well,
anything I could tell you probably wouldn't sound so
very unique to someone else in a kinship relationship.

Shall I tell you about how similar in personality we
are, how we are forever finishing each other's
sentences, thinking the same thing at the same time,
sometimes even anticipating what the other wants
before the other is even consciously aware of wanting
it? How we can sit for hours in each other's arms,
holding a deep conversation without saying a word out
loud?

Should I mention how perfectly we complement each
other physically, how her hand fits so perfectly into
mine, how intoxicated we are with one another's
fragrance and flavor, how every swell and curve of our
bodies seem purposely crafted to mate neatly with
those of the other?

Do I even need to repeat that oft-repeated phrase,
that looking at her is like looking in a mirror? Her
face is rounder and smaller, and she has her father's
nose, but the contours of her ears, the color and
texture of her hair, the curve of her lips and the
shape of her eyes are all a masterful copy of my
own... except that the irises of her eyes are
greenish-brown, whereas mine are greenish-blue.

Gazing at her face, I understand how Narcissus must
have felt, staring in loving wonder at his own
reflection in a pool?

Or rather, it's like looking into the Mirror of Erised
from Harry Potter, whereby the person who looks in the
mirror sees only his deepest desire.

My mother always used to tell me that when she was
pregnant with me, she felt a strong female presense in
her womb, which later subsided. She is convinced that
she had conceived twins, a boy and a girl, but that
the female didn't survive, and only I was born.

I've always wondered about that. My deepest desire was
always to somehow meet that vanished twin sister of
mine, the female version of myself.

When I look at my lover, that's exactly what I see:
the object of my deepest desire. My long-lost twin
sister, born 18 years late, and kept from me until
now.