New - introduction.

Belinda · 03-15-2008, 04:38 AM

Hello everyone.

I’m new to the forum and thought I’d provide a brief introduction.

First – thank god for this site.

I thought I was going crazy … (the jury is still out on this) … I had no idea that what I was feeling even had a name … It wasn’t until I googled something like … “in love with my half brother” that I found this site. I am comforted to know that I am not alone.

To backtrack a bit … I recently met my half brother after 20 years. We were adopted by different families at birth and I only saw him once when I was 20 and he was 16. We are in our 30s now and both single (I’m divorced).

From the moment I saw him, I knew – something was different. I think he feels it too… but we’ve just recently met so I think it’s still too soon to tell.

The emotions are so overwhelming.

I’m thrilled to have found my only living blood relative, thrilled to get to know him and create a relationship, thrilled he wants to be a part of my life. But I’m so very, very scared that I have sexual feelings for him. It’s like, my platonic emotions are at capacity, but still bubbling over, so they have no where else to go but to the sexual realm. My inital perception anyway.

Nonetheless, I just want to say thank you to Barb for creating this board, and to those of you who have shared your stories – they have been a great comfort to me. At the very least, I’m not racing to the hospital to commit myself. I do however, have much soul searching to do and will share as much as I can with you as my situation evolves.

Thanks again,
Belinda

kmk91 · 03-15-2008, 04:06 PM

if you love him, LOVE HIM! there is no reason to hold back. don't be afraid. life is short. i, personally, am a person who holds back on the immature sense of fun, in terms of drinking and drugs, so to say life is short, some may say "just have fun", but honestly...look past what others think. when i say that, don't think "well then, this is too hard and too much, might as well move on because it's easier"...do NOT do that! if you feel that there is a strong emotion that you have for your brother...then embrace that...and ACT! the more you hold back...the farther this chance is going to move from you until you can't grasp it anymore, no matter how had you try. confront him about it in a smooth way...maybe dance around the subject for a little...you know...beat around the bush. see what he has to say...you never know until you try. i remember when i became involved with my sister...we pretty much told each other without really telling each other, that we loved each other..if that makes sense. but i told her i loved who she was and was glad to have her...and then she simply said to me, "then what do you want?" and i just as simply replied "you". and we've now been together for 5 months....and i cant honestly say they've been the happiest months of my LIFE! we cannot control who we love...so why try? i love her and i'm pursuing that love because i know now, that i want to be with her forever. one day this law will no longer be a problem. hopefully with a new president, we can hopefully fix this much sooner then later..but we can only pray. so don't hold back on these emotions you have just because it's weird or you're not sure what he may think. true, you must be cautious if you really do enjoy and want him in your life...but try to find it out. happiness comes with a price...but so does sadness. find things out first...try to see what's going on in his head...then when you feel that your chance has come for that happiness..JUMP ON IT! don't regret anything...live, laugh and love, Belinda...you'll get through it. we're all here for you...but we can't tell you what to do. just consider my advice and what you want in life with him and in general....then get back to us

Belinda · 03-16-2008, 11:23 AM

Thank you for replying to my inital post.

We will see how things go. I've invited him for dinner over the next few weeks. I want to just sit with him and talk and see how things go. He's very introverted... gaurded ... I'm the opposite. I don't want to barrage him with this yet ... I don't even know him as a person (about his life, experiences, relationships).

What I do know is that, to lighten up our phone chats - (we're both professionals so we talk a lot about work etc) our coversations have often veered into the sexual arena - just throught the ebb-and-flow of talking, and it is uncanny how we're both on the same page in this regard ... (by this I mean both of us are very liberal, sexually and seem to have similar likes and dislikes). No - make that EXACT likes and dislikes. It hasn't been blatant ... "hows your sex life?" type of questions ... more about intimicy (sp) really and playful flirting / jabbing at one another like brothers and sisters would do. After every phone call I replay i t in my mind, trying to find things that may have "turned me OFF" of these feelings ... I have yet to come up with anything... if anything, I'm growing more fond of him. agrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I know many of you can feel my frustration.

What I also know is my "womens intuition" has rarely failed me... I know he's feeling something... I just do not know what, to what extent, and if he knew how I felt - could it possibly destroy what we're trying to build now.

I will post the outcome of our dinner but, again, I'm going to be cautious and slow and see happens. It's a terrifying but thrilling process all in one.

I'm so happy for those of you here who have found happiness. It is comforting ...

brotherbear · 03-16-2008, 03:37 PM

Welcome! My half Sister and I just found this site too and we are so amazingly happy. We would feel the same despite if there was or was not a website, but we are happy to see that other people are in the same wonderful situation we are.

hissister · 03-19-2008, 12:32 AM

I know it's scary, Belinda, but you have to go for it... it's so worth it! I met my half brother for the first time last August. I knew there was something really amazing about him, but I didn't know what it was that drew me to him so badly. Looking back I realize that I fell in love with him the first day we met.
We would flirt on the phone and through text messages. I loved it, but I would always try to "draw the line". Understand that I tried to draw the line because society doesn't allow this, but once I gave up the fight (which wasn't much of a fight at all), I became free. Now I feel like I am living for the first time (at the age of 29). I feel like I can breathe and live each day knowing that the love I feel with him is like no other in this world. I am so glad that he pursued me, and that I didn't deny him.
What I'm saying is, you can do it! Try flirting with him. Send him emails telling him how much you care, find interest in his life (not just about work), about his history, his past. Let him know how happy you are that you found each other. My brother first hinted to me by telling me he had a dream about me... and what do you know, I fell for it.

Haha

GOOD LUCK!! I'm so excited for you!

communityawareness · 03-19-2008, 05:31 AM

I agree with everyone. I am in a gsa relationship with my biological father and have been for 8 years. We have a beautiful 9 month old daughter. Go with your feelings. The last 8 years have been the happiest of our lives. We understand it is not that way for everyone and yes we have had our ups and downs, but the ups far outway the downs. Please be aware of the consequences it will have on other family members and friends if and when they find out about your relationship but if the two of you are happy and consenting then go for it. Just let things take their natural course and if it was meant to be it will be. I agree with kmk91, life is too short and you only live it once so if the feelings are that strong give it a go. We are all here to listen and support so please feel free to make contact if you need us.

Good luck!

03-24-2008, 01:42 PM

community you are so lucky you seem to have everything i want from my relationship
kell

Belinda · 03-28-2008, 06:53 AM

Update: He has to work so we didn't end up getting together. I could have been gracious about the whole theing but instead, launched into a "I can't believe you're choosing to work over me!" diatribe and before you knew it, he was basicly telling me to "back off" ...

What a nightmare.

I just wanted to see him so bad. We haven't spoke since ... I sent him an email wishing him a happy birthday and he sent me a post on fb but that's it.

I just know my desire for him is going to mess it up in the end. I get completely crazy when it comes it him.

I talked to my Doctor about all this yesterday and she cautioned me to be absolutly sure about my feelings before I engage him in anyway. She wants me to avoid contact for a while but she did understand how I could feel the way I feel.

The thing is, I don't WANT to feel this way ... I just can't seem to stop it.

I bet you veterans of the board hear this over and over again ... the newbie bleeding hearts (lol) and for that, I'm sorry.

Everyone was so good for posting to my original post, I felt I should at least let you know where I'm at ... today anyway.

Belinda · 03-30-2008, 07:56 PM

I've chatted briefly with my brother this weekend. I swear, it's like I'm beyond control. Before I know it, I'm flirting with him ... I actually pinced myself to make myself STOP! It's like something is taking a hold of me and it's so powerful.

I'm in my late 30's and I don't ever recall being so obsessed. It's like I'm in high school all over again. He mentioned he was going out last night with a few friends, both male and female ... I suddenly got a wave of jealousy that completely overwhelmed me. Thankfully I didn't express it ...I just said I had to go.

We're getting together next weekend. I've really got to think this through before then.

rosebud · 03-31-2008, 08:22 AM

Hi Belinda, I've been reading your post with great interest as some of your situation sounds similar to mine. Like you, I was also reunited with my h/brother. We share the same birth dad, but have different mothers. I am actually married with a family & my brother is single. Having both grown up looking like no-body in our families & having nothing in common, it truly was mind blowing for us both. Before our reunion, we got to know each other firstly by e-mail & phone calls. It was at our reunion that my brother gave off signals that left me totally confused. He spoke to me as if we were on a 1st date. We would look into each other eyes & it was here that we would loose ourselves completely. At the end of our reunion, I asked for a simple hug. He did open his arms to me & all I was expecting was the hug. However he actually lunged forward & tried to kiss me really hard on the lips. It was here that I became even more confused as I wasn't sure what was happening. It was only when I researched it on the internet that I to came across this site.

Reading about GSA did teach me more about what was happening & it did scare me. However deep down, I to felt the thrill & excitement of possibly being in a relationship with my brother.

After our reunion, my brother did tell me he had developed weird feelings for me. Even though I knew what it was, I couldn't find the courage to tell him. Because of all the confused thoughts & feelings, my brother ended up telling me he couldn't see me again. This of course left me deeply hurt as I saw that as rejection. It's only more recently that I have understood why he felt that total separation was the best outcome.

I want nothing more for my brother to maybe one day settle down & perhaps have kids of his own. However I still continue to love him more than he actually knows. Yes I want to be with him more than anything. I even have days when I feel sick & have butterflies in my stomach.

I feel that if I tell him about my true feelings, he will either deny it & reject me again, simply deny it all, or I will scare him even more.

I truly truly relate to how you seem to be obsessed with your brother. I was the same to, more so after our reunion. I would bombard him with e-mails & text messages telling him how attractive he was & that he was my type of guy. Funny thing is, he is the type I go for & that alone is weird. He would always be polite & thank me for always being nice to him. Then when my e-mails got more flirty, this is when he started to back down.

I know deep down he wanted me as much as I wanted him. But I'm just to scared to tell him. So now I've lost him & I feel that I have to sit & wait until he feels ready to get back in touch. However I have also prepared myself for the worse. He may never contact me again & that hurts me even more.

I really hope things work out for you. As the saying goes, you can't choose who you fall in love with. Just be careful about being too obsessed, this might scare him off even more & then this could lead to him rejecting you to. I would also like to add that even though most of us go with what our hearts tell us, sometimes you need to take a little step back & think with your head.

Good luck & I look forward to reading your updates.

03-15-2008, 04:38 AM	#1
Belinda Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 22	New - introduction. Hello everyone. I’m new to the forum and thought I’d provide a brief introduction. First – thank god for this site. I thought I was going crazy … (the jury is still out on this) … I had no idea that what I was feeling even had a name … It wasn’t until I googled something like … “in love with my half brother” that I found this site. I am comforted to know that I am not alone. To backtrack a bit … I recently met my half brother after 20 years. We were adopted by different families at birth and I only saw him once when I was 20 and he was 16. We are in our 30s now and both single (I’m divorced). From the moment I saw him, I knew – something was different. I think he feels it too… but we’ve just recently met so I think it’s still too soon to tell. The emotions are so overwhelming. I’m thrilled to have found my only living blood relative, thrilled to get to know him and create a relationship, thrilled he wants to be a part of my life. But I’m so very, very scared that I have sexual feelings for him. It’s like, my platonic emotions are at capacity, but still bubbling over, so they have no where else to go but to the sexual realm. My inital perception anyway. Nonetheless, I just want to say thank you to Barb for creating this board, and to those of you who have shared your stories – they have been a great comfort to me. At the very least, I’m not racing to the hospital to commit myself. I do however, have much soul searching to do and will share as much as I can with you as my situation evolves. Thanks again, Belinda

03-15-2008, 04:06 PM	#2
kmk91 Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Pennsylvania, USA Posts: 41	if you love him, LOVE HIM! there is no reason to hold back. don't be afraid. life is short. i, personally, am a person who holds back on the immature sense of fun, in terms of drinking and drugs, so to say life is short, some may say "just have fun", but honestly...look past what others think. when i say that, don't think "well then, this is too hard and too much, might as well move on because it's easier"...do NOT do that! if you feel that there is a strong emotion that you have for your brother...then embrace that...and ACT! the more you hold back...the farther this chance is going to move from you until you can't grasp it anymore, no matter how had you try. confront him about it in a smooth way...maybe dance around the subject for a little...you know...beat around the bush. see what he has to say...you never know until you try. i remember when i became involved with my sister...we pretty much told each other without really telling each other, that we loved each other..if that makes sense. but i told her i loved who she was and was glad to have her...and then she simply said to me, "then what do you want?" and i just as simply replied "you". and we've now been together for 5 months....and i cant honestly say they've been the happiest months of my LIFE! we cannot control who we love...so why try? i love her and i'm pursuing that love because i know now, that i want to be with her forever. one day this law will no longer be a problem. hopefully with a new president, we can hopefully fix this much sooner then later..but we can only pray. so don't hold back on these emotions you have just because it's weird or you're not sure what he may think. true, you must be cautious if you really do enjoy and want him in your life...but try to find it out. happiness comes with a price...but so does sadness. find things out first...try to see what's going on in his head...then when you feel that your chance has come for that happiness..JUMP ON IT! don't regret anything...live, laugh and love, Belinda...you'll get through it. we're all here for you...but we can't tell you what to do. just consider my advice and what you want in life with him and in general....then get back to us __________________ Aren't there more important things the government should be worrying about? Like the WAR(!) or something?

03-24-2008, 01:42 PM	#7
kelly Posts: n/a	lucky you community you are so lucky you seem to have everything i want from my relationship kell

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03-16-2008, 11:23 AM	#3
Belinda Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 22	Thank you for replying to my inital post. We will see how things go. I've invited him for dinner over the next few weeks. I want to just sit with him and talk and see how things go. He's very introverted... gaurded ... I'm the opposite. I don't want to barrage him with this yet ... I don't even know him as a person (about his life, experiences, relationships). What I do know is that, to lighten up our phone chats - (we're both professionals so we talk a lot about work etc) our coversations have often veered into the sexual arena - just throught the ebb-and-flow of talking, and it is uncanny how we're both on the same page in this regard ... (by this I mean both of us are very liberal, sexually and seem to have similar likes and dislikes). No - make that EXACT likes and dislikes. It hasn't been blatant ... "hows your sex life?" type of questions ... more about intimicy (sp) really and playful flirting / jabbing at one another like brothers and sisters would do. After every phone call I replay i t in my mind, trying to find things that may have "turned me OFF" of these feelings ... I have yet to come up with anything... if anything, I'm growing more fond of him. agrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I know many of you can feel my frustration. What I also know is my "womens intuition" has rarely failed me... I know he's feeling something... I just do not know what, to what extent, and if he knew how I felt - could it possibly destroy what we're trying to build now. I will post the outcome of our dinner but, again, I'm going to be cautious and slow and see happens. It's a terrifying but thrilling process all in one. I'm so happy for those of you here who have found happiness. It is comforting ...

03-16-2008, 03:37 PM	#4
brotherbear Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Southern California Posts: 2	Welcome! My half Sister and I just found this site too and we are so amazingly happy. We would feel the same despite if there was or was not a website, but we are happy to see that other people are in the same wonderful situation we are.

03-19-2008, 12:32 AM	#5
hissister Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: California Posts: 2	I know it's scary, Belinda, but you have to go for it... it's so worth it! I met my half brother for the first time last August. I knew there was something really amazing about him, but I didn't know what it was that drew me to him so badly. Looking back I realize that I fell in love with him the first day we met. We would flirt on the phone and through text messages. I loved it, but I would always try to "draw the line". Understand that I tried to draw the line because society doesn't allow this, but once I gave up the fight (which wasn't much of a fight at all), I became free. Now I feel like I am living for the first time (at the age of 29). I feel like I can breathe and live each day knowing that the love I feel with him is like no other in this world. I am so glad that he pursued me, and that I didn't deny him. What I'm saying is, you can do it! Try flirting with him. Send him emails telling him how much you care, find interest in his life (not just about work), about his history, his past. Let him know how happy you are that you found each other. My brother first hinted to me by telling me he had a dream about me... and what do you know, I fell for it. Haha GOOD LUCK!! I'm so excited for you!

03-19-2008, 05:31 AM	#6
communityawareness Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 30	I agree with everyone. I am in a gsa relationship with my biological father and have been for 8 years. We have a beautiful 9 month old daughter. Go with your feelings. The last 8 years have been the happiest of our lives. We understand it is not that way for everyone and yes we have had our ups and downs, but the ups far outway the downs. Please be aware of the consequences it will have on other family members and friends if and when they find out about your relationship but if the two of you are happy and consenting then go for it. Just let things take their natural course and if it was meant to be it will be. I agree with kmk91, life is too short and you only live it once so if the feelings are that strong give it a go. We are all here to listen and support so please feel free to make contact if you need us. Good luck!

03-28-2008, 06:53 AM	#8
Belinda Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 22	Update: He has to work so we didn't end up getting together. I could have been gracious about the whole theing but instead, launched into a "I can't believe you're choosing to work over me!" diatribe and before you knew it, he was basicly telling me to "back off" ... What a nightmare. I just wanted to see him so bad. We haven't spoke since ... I sent him an email wishing him a happy birthday and he sent me a post on fb but that's it. I just know my desire for him is going to mess it up in the end. I get completely crazy when it comes it him. I talked to my Doctor about all this yesterday and she cautioned me to be absolutly sure about my feelings before I engage him in anyway. She wants me to avoid contact for a while but she did understand how I could feel the way I feel. The thing is, I don't WANT to feel this way ... I just can't seem to stop it. I bet you veterans of the board hear this over and over again ... the newbie bleeding hearts (lol) and for that, I'm sorry. Everyone was so good for posting to my original post, I felt I should at least let you know where I'm at ... today anyway.

03-30-2008, 07:56 PM	#9
Belinda Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 22	I've chatted briefly with my brother this weekend. I swear, it's like I'm beyond control. Before I know it, I'm flirting with him ... I actually pinced myself to make myself STOP! It's like something is taking a hold of me and it's so powerful. I'm in my late 30's and I don't ever recall being so obsessed. It's like I'm in high school all over again. He mentioned he was going out last night with a few friends, both male and female ... I suddenly got a wave of jealousy that completely overwhelmed me. Thankfully I didn't express it ...I just said I had to go. We're getting together next weekend. I've really got to think this through before then.

03-31-2008, 08:22 AM	#10
rosebud Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: UK Posts: 4	Hi Belinda, I've been reading your post with great interest as some of your situation sounds similar to mine. Like you, I was also reunited with my h/brother. We share the same birth dad, but have different mothers. I am actually married with a family & my brother is single. Having both grown up looking like no-body in our families & having nothing in common, it truly was mind blowing for us both. Before our reunion, we got to know each other firstly by e-mail & phone calls. It was at our reunion that my brother gave off signals that left me totally confused. He spoke to me as if we were on a 1st date. We would look into each other eyes & it was here that we would loose ourselves completely. At the end of our reunion, I asked for a simple hug. He did open his arms to me & all I was expecting was the hug. However he actually lunged forward & tried to kiss me really hard on the lips. It was here that I became even more confused as I wasn't sure what was happening. It was only when I researched it on the internet that I to came across this site. Reading about GSA did teach me more about what was happening & it did scare me. However deep down, I to felt the thrill & excitement of possibly being in a relationship with my brother. After our reunion, my brother did tell me he had developed weird feelings for me. Even though I knew what it was, I couldn't find the courage to tell him. Because of all the confused thoughts & feelings, my brother ended up telling me he couldn't see me again. This of course left me deeply hurt as I saw that as rejection. It's only more recently that I have understood why he felt that total separation was the best outcome. I want nothing more for my brother to maybe one day settle down & perhaps have kids of his own. However I still continue to love him more than he actually knows. Yes I want to be with him more than anything. I even have days when I feel sick & have butterflies in my stomach. I feel that if I tell him about my true feelings, he will either deny it & reject me again, simply deny it all, or I will scare him even more. I truly truly relate to how you seem to be obsessed with your brother. I was the same to, more so after our reunion. I would bombard him with e-mails & text messages telling him how attractive he was & that he was my type of guy. Funny thing is, he is the type I go for & that alone is weird. He would always be polite & thank me for always being nice to him. Then when my e-mails got more flirty, this is when he started to back down. I know deep down he wanted me as much as I wanted him. But I'm just to scared to tell him. So now I've lost him & I feel that I have to sit & wait until he feels ready to get back in touch. However I have also prepared myself for the worse. He may never contact me again & that hurts me even more. I really hope things work out for you. As the saying goes, you can't choose who you fall in love with. Just be careful about being too obsessed, this might scare him off even more & then this could lead to him rejecting you to. I would also like to add that even though most of us go with what our hearts tell us, sometimes you need to take a little step back & think with your head. Good luck & I look forward to reading your updates.