I love her

tulip · 04-02-2008, 09:06 AM

I found my birth family about 3 years ago and immediately fell in love with my hs - in every sense of the word. This was doubly confusing as we are both female. She appeared to have strong feelings for me too at first but quickly became quite distant and seemed to keep me at arms length even though I had tried to keep the nature of my feelings to myself. i began to wonder if she liked me at all. When we met up for the second time, however, she was slightly under the influence of something or other and told me that she loved me!!!! I was elated but wasn't sure if she meant it. She also was very tactile (when my husband wasn't looking) and flirtatious. The next day I told her I had strong feeings but didn't expand on that. For the rest of the week she became increasingly cool towards me and by the end of my stay would barely speak to me. I went home feeling incredibly dejected. She no longer contacts me at all now but i still call her from time to time. I haven't seen her for 2 years but my feelings haven't changed. Over the time she has often been off-hand and cold towards me but mainly simply seems just to tolerate me. At other times though she has been the opposite, for example, telling me she loved me on more than one occasion, stroking my tatty old jumper when she thought no one was looking, signing off e-mails 'all my love' with 8 (I counted them!) kisses. Am I kidding myself? I think this is all a bit pathetic really!

kmk91 · 04-02-2008, 05:21 PM

maybe shes bipolar? im not trying to be mean about it but that kinda seems like it. id say, if possible, try to ask her how she feels. confront her about how you feel she is acting. maybe things will work out..but you know as well as i do that theres always the chance theyll get worse. just try your best in this situation and see what can come out of it. its not pathetic at all...you cant help how you feel for people. good luck!

Victor · 04-02-2008, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kmk91

maybe shes bipolar? im not trying to be mean about it but that kinda seems like it. id say, if possible, try to ask her how she feels. confront her about how you feel she is acting. maybe things will work out..but you know as well as i do that theres always the chance theyll get worse. just try your best in this situation and see what can come out of it. its not pathetic at all...you cant help how you feel for people. good luck!

No...sorry....I was married to bipolar for 32 years. That isn't it. She's in denial. When she feels safe and hidden she acts on her feelings, but when she feels she is being noticed she hides. She doesn't want others to know that she has these feelings, and yet she doesn't know how to deal with them herself. Maybe if you"accidently" left this website out where she might find it, she could finally see that she's not the only one who has these feelings. Knowing about the nature of those feelings and knowing that there are others just like you can have a healing and soothing affect on a person. Her computer explorer history will let you know if she's been here, after which it might be easier to open up a dialogue between the two of you.

tulip · 04-06-2008, 09:28 AM

Firstly, I want to say thank you for your responses to my post. It has been incredibly difficult having to keep these thoughts and feelings to myself for so long and it means a lot to me that people have taken the time to reply. It has also helped to find a place where I can externalise these things rather than just keep turning them over in my own mind.
I do hope that my sister is in denial as you say, Victor, as this could mean that it's possible that she will one day be able to accept her feelings. I think there is some evidence for this but I also fear that this is just wishful thinking on my part. When I think about it I realise that it's probably obvious to her what's going on with me as I have dropped some fairly heavy hints in the past.
I think that at the moment we just need to get to know each other without any pressure so for that reason I only ring her every 3 or 4 months just to chat without any expectation of her. I don't ever talk about either her or my feelings as this just leads to her backing off and changing the subject or ending the conversation. She does sometimes say that she loves me and so I tell her I love her too but I know better than to initiate any show of emotion. As I said, she never calls me although she has stressed that I can call her any time I want. She has sometimes made promises (to e-mail, send photos etc) but now never follows through.
More than anything I just want her in my life and, if that means the two of us just being sisters, I would accept that. Ultimately, I want to be honest with her but also I would accept what she wants. I do realise that she can have the same feelings as me but just not want to act upon them and that too would be OK. That kind of talk is a long way off for now though.
Anyway i think I've rambled for long enough. By the way, did I tell you - she is so beautiful.

04-02-2008, 09:06 AM	#1
tulip Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 2	I love her I found my birth family about 3 years ago and immediately fell in love with my hs - in every sense of the word. This was doubly confusing as we are both female. She appeared to have strong feelings for me too at first but quickly became quite distant and seemed to keep me at arms length even though I had tried to keep the nature of my feelings to myself. i began to wonder if she liked me at all. When we met up for the second time, however, she was slightly under the influence of something or other and told me that she loved me!!!! I was elated but wasn't sure if she meant it. She also was very tactile (when my husband wasn't looking) and flirtatious. The next day I told her I had strong feeings but didn't expand on that. For the rest of the week she became increasingly cool towards me and by the end of my stay would barely speak to me. I went home feeling incredibly dejected. She no longer contacts me at all now but i still call her from time to time. I haven't seen her for 2 years but my feelings haven't changed. Over the time she has often been off-hand and cold towards me but mainly simply seems just to tolerate me. At other times though she has been the opposite, for example, telling me she loved me on more than one occasion, stroking my tatty old jumper when she thought no one was looking, signing off e-mails 'all my love' with 8 (I counted them!) kisses. Am I kidding myself? I think this is all a bit pathetic really!

04-02-2008, 05:21 PM	#2
kmk91 Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Pennsylvania, USA Posts: 41	maybe shes bipolar? im not trying to be mean about it but that kinda seems like it. id say, if possible, try to ask her how she feels. confront her about how you feel she is acting. maybe things will work out..but you know as well as i do that theres always the chance theyll get worse. just try your best in this situation and see what can come out of it. its not pathetic at all...you cant help how you feel for people. good luck! __________________ Aren't there more important things the government should be worrying about? Like the WAR(!) or something?

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04-06-2008, 09:28 AM	#4
tulip Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 2	Firstly, I want to say thank you for your responses to my post. It has been incredibly difficult having to keep these thoughts and feelings to myself for so long and it means a lot to me that people have taken the time to reply. It has also helped to find a place where I can externalise these things rather than just keep turning them over in my own mind. I do hope that my sister is in denial as you say, Victor, as this could mean that it's possible that she will one day be able to accept her feelings. I think there is some evidence for this but I also fear that this is just wishful thinking on my part. When I think about it I realise that it's probably obvious to her what's going on with me as I have dropped some fairly heavy hints in the past. I think that at the moment we just need to get to know each other without any pressure so for that reason I only ring her every 3 or 4 months just to chat without any expectation of her. I don't ever talk about either her or my feelings as this just leads to her backing off and changing the subject or ending the conversation. She does sometimes say that she loves me and so I tell her I love her too but I know better than to initiate any show of emotion. As I said, she never calls me although she has stressed that I can call her any time I want. She has sometimes made promises (to e-mail, send photos etc) but now never follows through. More than anything I just want her in my life and, if that means the two of us just being sisters, I would accept that. Ultimately, I want to be honest with her but also I would accept what she wants. I do realise that she can have the same feelings as me but just not want to act upon them and that too would be OK. That kind of talk is a long way off for now though. Anyway i think I've rambled for long enough. By the way, did I tell you - she is so beautiful.