Does It Ever End?

By Barbara Gonyo

So many people ask us this question when GSA strikes between reunited family members. Does it ever end? I really have no simple answer. Some GSA relationships end. Some continue onward. Some relationships lead to extreme pain and suicidal thoughts. Some just dissolve and life goes on. Does everyone come out of it eventually is really an unusual question. "Come out of it" could mean so many different things. Do they end their relationship in relation to it's original familial roles? Do they never see each other again? Do they just go their separate ways and never speak to each other again? Do they end up in therapy? Do they lose their families? Or does it all end happily every after and they pick up the pieces and become brothers and sisters?

All of the above can happen. Reunions are full of emotions carried over by the separation. Life is complicated enough and the reunion brings up so many feelings that have laid dormant. Those issues coupled with the romantic feelings of belonging and catching up with a family member that you missed all your life, is BIG. We often forget that this person we are reuniting with has a lifetime of experiences, feelings, and personality traits and issues that become a part of the equation. We shouldn't just go into a reunion relationship without knowing all that it entails. But most of go in completely unprepared. Support groups are not out there like they were before. I think it is sad that there are not more support groups where people meet and talk about the reunion issues and prepare for GSA.

Even though it won't hit everyone, it hits more than you will ever know. GSA at first brings confusion, intense feelings of wanting to belong and takes us to a place we never thought we would have to face. This takes a lot of time and effort and struggling with feelings that will eventually diminish in time as we do live by society's rules or we don't live in peace.

Ultimately, I think the real question that people are asking goes above and beyond GSA. They want to know- am I always going to feel pain? Pain because the relationship requires secrecy, pain because you feel romantic and the other doesn't, pain because the relationship has ended, pain because the relationship continued and destroyed previous marriages and families, pain of longing for a history and a childhood that can never be gotten back, pain because the relationship can't fill the wounds of the past no matter how wonderful and special?

Does it ever end? Yes. In some way or form, your pain will subside. You may grow accustomed to living with longing, you may gain insight which gives you a new perspective, you may find joy in other aspects of your relationship, or in another relationship altogether. You may realize that your pain is simply a result of looking for something in someone else that only a higher power can fill. Yes. It will end.