GSA is a phenomenon of familial bonding that has been delayed until adulthood.
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Post-Adoption Reunion-
Are We Entering Uncharted Territory?
Maurice Greenberg B Sc, M Phil, MRCP, FRC Psych is Consultant Psychiatrist and Honorary
Senior Lecturer, Camden and Islington, and Head of Student Counselling at University
College, London. For the past two years he has provided consultation to the Post-
The twenty-
Below we reprint the text of his lecture.
'Why isn't my town on the map?'
This quotation comes from Sumus Quod Sumus, a chapter in Lake Woebegone Days, by Garrison Keilor. In it he begins by asking why the town where he grew up, and established his roots, is not found on any map of the United States. He goes on to explain, in a wry and amusing account, how this happened through a combination of faulty cartographic techniques and human frailty, with the added ingredient of alcohol. Despite the fact that Lake Woebegone did not officially exist, his anthology succeeded in creating a place which is recognizable to many of us, through the warm, humorous and meaningful accounts of its inhabitants and their life experiences. I would like to think that this lecture will contribute to the recognition of Genetic Sexual Attraction on our broader map of shared human experience; particularly in the context of problems faced by birth relatives who have been separated by adoption, an area which Hilda Lewis did so much to illuminate.
Memorial lectures provide an opportunity to reminisce, and I will make use of this
opportunity to describe my initiation to Genetic Sexual Attraction, which resulted
from my relationship with colleagues at the Post-
When I later reflected on this supervision session I was struck by a number of issues. First, the atmosphere in which our meeting had taken place, which conveyed a sense of unusualness, of voyeurism and of privacy. Second, the feelings that emerged during our discussions were powerful and uncomfortable. Third, that since the issue itself was unique, and little factual information had so far been gathered, it offered an unusual opportunity for research, since unless we had sufficient information about Genetic Sexual Attraction, its frequency, its consequences, and whether we were able to discover ways of helping people who were experiencing it, we would not be in a position to offer effective support. Later, I discussed these thoughts with my colleagues and we agreed to establish a pilot study for me to investigate this phenomenon in more detail.
Background
Before I go on to describe Genetic Sexual Attraction in more detail, I will take
a small diversion to sketch in some background, which may help prepare us for the
uncertain terrain. The term was first used by Barbara Gonyo to describe the intense
erotic feelings felt by a number of birth relatives following reunion.' It has since
been reported by many workers in the area of adoption, and was briefly alluded to
by Phillida Sawbridge, during the 20th Hilda Lewis Memorial Lecture in 1987, when
she described some of the difficulties they were beginning to encounter through their
work at the Post-
Sexual relations between close relatives, commonly referred to as incest, has captured
our imagination and interest throughout recorded history, and the incest theme plays
a significant part in our myths, our legends and our literature. The universality
of our preoccupation with this theme, which is reflected in articles we can read
practically every week in the popular press, could be seen as a reflection of our
deep-
Two potentially conflicting general theories to explain incest avoidance appeared
at the turn of the 19th century. The Freudian' account was based upon the psychological
construct of the unconscious, and assumed that the incest taboo was universal, primitive,
and psychologically innate, and that it had developed in order to prohibit people
embarking upon activities which they would otherwise pursue; in other words that
it was an unconscious remnant of our early human origins. He argued that during a
child's development it learns to repress its primitive wishes to have sexual intercourse
with its parent, and this results in the development of the Oedipus complex, a tenet
which became central to his theory of psychoanalysis. From this perspective incestuous
wishes are natural, they are too uncomfortable to knowledge openly, and therefore
need to be repressed, but they need to be maintained in order to protect our species
from in-
According to Westermarck,' familiarity and boredom are the basis of incest avoidance, and it is more natural for individuals to seek sexual relations with a wider range of partners. Although Freud's views initially captured the popular imagination, and certainly offer an explanation for why this subject generally evokes such strong feelings, recent research has tended to support Westermarck's position, both in humans and other species.' In fact, the differences between these theories may not be as great as first thought, and it may be possible for us to reconcile them by noting that Westermarck addresses the behavioural aspects of incest avoidance, whereas Freud illuminates the psychological aspects. At a high level of generality, therefore, boredom and familiarity might be the outward manifestations of repression, which result in incest avoidance.
Distinguishing Genetic Sexual Attraction from sexual abuse
One of the difficulties in researching incest and its avoidance in humans is that it is so frequently confused with child sexual abuse and child physical abuse. These frequently overlap, and there is increasing empirical evidence that they result in a number of disabling psychiatric disorders.' It may be asked whether it is important to distinguish these activities, particularly since, when they involve a relationship between an adult and a child, they always include a breakdown in trust, in which an individual in a position of responsibility abuses their relationship with a vulnerable child.
A further complication is that incestuous activities which occur transgenerationally
(between parent and child), and intragenerationally (between siblings) seem to be
different; not only because the former involves a breakdown in a trusting relationship,
but also because of the age at which they are likely to occur. Increasingly we recognize
that sexualized behavior between pre-
Moreover, the participants are adults who have been separated for many years since
the birth of one partner, and although they are biologically related, in cultural
and anthropological terms they have no kinship affinity. One by-
To summarize the points that have emerged: incest avoidance is widespread; in humans it finds expression through 'the incest taboo', which is reinforced both culturally and socially, frequently through laws; it occurs more frequently than previously thought; it may be part of normal development between siblings; and much research is contaminated by concurrent child physical and sexual abuse.
The clinical study
The study involved two strands. First a series of in-
The second strand of the research involved the experiences of counselors with clients who had described Genetic Sexual Attraction, and included a review of the counseling process, including its outcome. Not surprisingly, these strands are intertwined, and the findings have complementary effects which are not always possible to disentangle. Perhaps I should emphasize here that I have also incorporated comments about the impact of the counselors' contributions made by our clients.
Findings
Eight questionnaires were completed, five during interview and three independently. These were supplemented by additional case histories from the counselors, who reported approximately 40 cases. Only one of those who completed the questionnaire was a birth parent, although this group made up over half of the cases reported by the counselors. All of my respondents were white and articulate, and their backgrounds ranged from professional to unskilled. They had all been adopted when under six months and seven of them had known about this for as long as they could remember. In two cases there were ambiguous, vague reports of possible incestuous activity in their biological families. A number had suffered mental health problems prior to the reunion, which included eating disorders, agoraphobia, an alcohol problem, and a possible behavioral disorder in early childhood. None reported sexual relationships within their adoptive family, or any history of child sexual abuse. They had all previously experienced heterosexual relationships, and one a lesbian relationship; at the time of tracing five were in a stable sexual relationship. Many of them felt they lacked confidence and considered themselves 'nervy'.
There is a risk in condensing individual case histories, since the wish to recognize an underlying theme can do a disservice to the particular, individual narrative. There is also a danger that the observer's selection will be influenced by his or her preconceptions. While acknowledging these reservations, I believe certain themes repeated themselves and are worthy of report. The process of searching for the lost relative did not appear to be unusual. It was often inhibited by concern for the feelings of their adoptive family, there were frequent delays and doubts, and on a number of occasions they had been supported in their searches by their children or spouse. Similarly, the anticipation and preparation for the reunion involved many complicated feelings, including excitement, an expectation that the relationship would be different, and a belief that they would discover something they would immediately recognize. They also frequently took considerable and unusual care about their appearance before the first meeting so that they could look their best for the occasion. On first meeting many of them were preoccupied with their birth relative's physical appearance, and would begin to search for similarities. For example, one woman was asked to remove her shoes, and was told that she had feet exactly like her mother's. Later on at least four of them focused on how their relatives smelled. A number were struck by the quality of their relative's skin, and my impression is that this is a particularly common experience for birth mothers, whose memories of their child was as a naked infant. They frequently felt a desire to touch, stroke or probe their birth relative. I do not think that any of the experiences so far described are unusual for a reunion, which is, after all, a highly abnormal situation; neither is the fact that when they first met they all experienced an overwhelming and complicated rush of emotions. However, the intensity and explosiveness of the feelings, and the sudden and most irresistible sense of falling in love, was universal. Some even described themselves as having been in love with their relative before they met. They also recognized in themselves a profound need to discover an unusual form of closeness and intimacy. According to their reports these feelings were matched by their relatives, and they discovered an invasive jealousy of other relationships, which tended to exclude their current families.
This profoundly romantic sense of failing in love was compounded by the feeling that they had discovered themselves in the other, and what may be described as a form of mirroring took place, which resonated with deep and powerful feelings, so that it seemed almost inevitable that they would express this through sexual intimacy. When it resulted in sexual intercourse, the sexual urge was described as irresistible. Many of them used recognizable psychological strategies to defuse the situation: for example, by anticipating the likely effects on their family and relationships, or by invoking a moral tone, or by emphasizing the discrepancies between their ages. The fact that they had often been warned of the potential dangers did not necessarily inhibit consummation, although a number believed that it might have done if they had acknowledged their parent's status by calling them 'mum' or 'dad'. One reported that he had been helped by discussing the situation with his adoptive father, who had proved unusually and surprisingly helpful.
The range of sexual experience described varied from intense erotic feelings towards
their relatives, which was described by all the people I interviewed, through sexualized
behavior, such as touching or fondling, to actual sexual relationships, reported
by three. None reported any wish to produce a child. The pairings included parent/child,
sibling, heterosexual and homosexual. This accorded with the situations reported
by the counselors. The consequences also varied. Two felt they had got it out of
their system, and that although the experience had been uncomfortable, they now saw
their parent in a new light. Few expressed profound regrets, and some have either
continued, or wished to continue, the relationship. It seems to have been particularly
painful for the parents, whether or not they had consummated their feelings, who
continued to feel irresistibly pulled to their children. The parents frequently contrasted
their feelings towards their adopted and non-
Children, on the other hand, contrasted their feelings towards their birth and adoptive
parents, and described a sense of revulsion at the thought of sexual relations with
the adoptive parent, which they felt more closely resembled an incestuous reaction.
All of them described erotic feelings, and all of them appeared to accept this, and
what happened, as unavoidable. Birth mothers frequently described a passionate longing
to rediscover their child's father, and a curiosity about whether their child would
show any physical or psychological resemblance to him. They also conveyed a need
to rediscover a baby for them to love, in order to feel loved, accompanied by a low
sense of self-
Feelings of counselors
The counselors found the situation exceedingly uncomfortable, and experienced intense
feelings of powerlessness, which they initially attributed to their own inadequacies,
or to inexperience with the problem. With increasing familiarity, however, they recognized
that this powerlessness reflected realistically their inability to influence what
appeared to be an overwhelming and irresistible drive towards consummation. They
were left wondering what they could do to interrupt this process, without endangering
the therapeutic alliance with their clients. They were aware of their responsibility
to enable openness and a sharing of feelings, which was felt to be in acute conflict
with what they saw as their responsibility to influence the couple's behavior, in
order to prevent overt sexual activity. This conflict, between a psychotherapeutic
and an authoritarian intervention, was felt to be reinforced both by reality, since
incest is illegal and may result in prosecution, and also by their own sense of disturbance
at feeling party to the breaking of a universal taboo. Not surprisingly, these feelings,
and the conflicts that they induced, translated into other significant concerns,
such as the consequences of a sexual relationship upon the future health and well-
One difficulty emerging from this conflict between taking a psychotherapeutic stance and behaving as a representative of our society's and their own mores, was that it clearly impeded the effectiveness of counseling, because the warm yet uninvolved stance of a therapist was undermined by a serious concern for the practical consequences; not least the possibility that they were colluding, if not conspiring, with criminal and potentially damaging behavior. The alternative scenario was just as discomforting, namely that practical interventions would destroy the potential for psychotherapeutic gain. Although these issues are components of any counseling interaction, the intensity of the feelings, coupled with the anticipated seriousness of the risks, made them particularly difficult to disentangle. Eventually, the view that emerged recognized these conflicts and acknowledged that interventions needed to reflect a range of communications.
First, the framework offered needed to be psychotherapeutic, in order to enable clients
to talk openly, honestly and safely. This requires a warm and non-
Parents also appear to benefit from being encouraged to reflect on how they managed
their relationships with their other children, who were not adopted. Finally, strong
moral guidance, in which they were told clearly that what they were doing was wrong,
proved helpful for some individuals. Essentially, the approach taken by the counselors
offered a path of normalization, and they dealt with their own difficult feelings
pretty much as many parents do when their teenagers begin to embark upon sexual activity,
by coming to terms with the fact that there was little they could do to alter the
outcome, except to provide a caring and supportive environment and to point out the
potential consequences. They reminded their clients of the possible legal consequences,
and the possible serious effects upon their other, important relationships; they
shared the relevant, available information; they encouraged them to reflect upon
what was happening, and to consider the possible results; and they advised them
on mechanisms for reducing the likelihood of sexual consummation. At the same time
they took a studiously non-
Discussion
Before embarking on a discussion of what has emerged during this pilot study, it is necessary to emphasize that the territory remains sketchy and unverified. No hyphothesis has been scientifically tested, the client group was small and highly selected, and the experiences recounted by the counselors are subject to considerable bias. This does not mean that the impressions gained have no value, either in helping us to understand this issue, or to develop useful strategies for managing it. I believe there are at least two benchmarks which will determine the value of this investigation. First, whether it helps illuminate what is a highly emotionally charged area; and second, whether it leads to the development of interventions that are found helpful by those individuals, our clients, who find themselves through no fault of their own in this exceedingly discomforting predicament. The findings described do reaffirm the existence of Genetic Sexual Attraction, in that a number of couples who reunite following adoption experience intense erotic feelings towards each other whether they are parent/child or siblings; it also demonstrates that these feelings may be fleeting or longstanding, and heterosexual or homosexual, and that a proportion of those who experience them proceed to consummation through sexual relations. The nature of this investigation makes it impossible to state with certainty the frequency with which this phenomenon occurs. However, it appears that since it was first described it has become increasingly recognized, and my colleagues estimate that it affects up to half the clients who currently present themselves.
One possible explanation for this may be that because counselors have been primed to expect this outcome, they implant the idea in the minds of their clients, and it is this which has resulted in the apparent increase. This seems unlikely for a number of reasons: the way in which clients present themselves, frequently in the throes of agonizing over this issue, when they describe feelings of overwhelming and intense desire, which shock them as much as their counselors; it also implies an influence held by counselors which is unrealistic, since one difficulty they face is their inability to shape events. Moreover, from my own practice as a psychiatrist I know only too well that it is this fear of suggestibility which has often prevented a proper enquiry into suicidal ideation, with occasional disastrous results. In my view the reporting of this phenomenon is increasing, and what is unclear is whether this is due to an actual rise, or to a greater awareness amongst counselors. It is impossible to answer this question on the given data (if at all) but I think it is very likely that the counselors' increased receptiveness to discussing these issues has made it easier for clients to air them. This is something we recognize throughout all branches of the caring professions. particularly in relationship to the investigation of child sexual abuse, where the above contrasting arguments have been fully rehearsed.
Why does it occur? I believe that it is over-
What are the consequences?
The consequences may not necessarily depend upon whether a sexual relationship develops. A number manage to inhibit their feelings, by invoking some of the mechanisms described previously; others are determined to proceed. It is unlikely that there is one single factor which will predict whether this happens, rather than a complicated admixture of psychological, social, and, possibly, biological factors. These include a need to punish or to be punished, an absence of an external supportive relationship, poor adoptive experiences, and perhaps, particularly for the parent, personal strength. The consequences if they do consummate their feelings are likely to depend partly upon whether their family and friends discover what has happened, and their level of tolerance. The perceived damage may be irreparable. Even if the sexual feelings are unrequited it can have a profound impact upon a spouse, who sees expressed feelings they had never previously felt directed towards themselves. The outcome therefore depends, in part, upon the strength of other relationships in an individual's life. It also depends upon their own stage of development, and the possibility
of further development. My impression is that a child can recover more easily than a parent, who continues to carry an agonizing burden of guilt and despair.
The child may feel that they have got it out of their system and then move on, whereas the parent is left mourning, yet again, an unresolved loss.
Do interventions have any effect on the process and outcome?
The difficulty in evaluating the effect of interventions on outcome reflects the
dilemma experienced by the counselors: namely, is success to be measured by whether
the individual client values the support they have received through having the opportunity
to air their feelings in a non-
Is there anything more that can be done?
I believe that the current approach, which involves providing advice and information,
within the supportive framework of a psychotherapeutic environment which attributes
meaning to the experience by emphasizing the relevance of separation and attachment
to the context, is generally correct. The balance of these ingredients needs to be
determined by the sensitivity and awareness of the individual counselor to their
client's needs, and there is no simple prescription for this. Some people want to
be told to stop, and will benefit from this; others simply want to know that there
is someone who will allow them to explore their complicated feelings, and to whom
they can return as the situation progresses. However, there remains a sense of dissatisfaction
and pain which does not seem to have been effectively addressed. It may be that this
is an inevitable consequence of their unique predicament, but I have begun to wonder
whether we have ignored the very primitive and actively destructive motivations that
drive some of our clients, and which may also be related to issues in development
other than their adoption. Until now we have tended to see them as victims. Our approach
has been one of general support, and, as far as possible, reassurance, and we may
have tended, understandably, to focus on their adoption. Perhaps this is experienced
by some children as colluding with their furious determination to inflict pain and
suffering on someone whom they continue to hold responsible for their own predicament,
or by some parents with their need to be punished for an unforgivable act of treachery.
It may also leave them feeling that other significant issues have been neglected;
that once again everything is attributed to their adoption. It has been argued that
some women who have previously failed to respond to treatment for child sexual abuse
which focuses on them as helpless victims, benefit from the opportunity to explore
with the help of therapy, their own unconscious motivations, possibly related to
other childhood experiences, which had previously been actively suppressed.` The
similarity with our own situation may be that we find it difficult to disengage from
our natural and powerful desire to support a fellow human being who is suffering
through circumstances for which they were clearly not responsible. As a result of
this over-
Conclusion
There is little doubt that Genetic Sexual Attraction exists, in that erotic sentiments
are experienced by relatives who have been separated following adoption. I believe
that this phenomenon is not only quite common, although it varies considerably in
intensity from a fleeting thought to an intense preoccupation, but also that it will
be increasingly recognized by workers in the field. On some occasions it progresses
and it may be consummated. When this happens I now think it is essential to distinguish
it from incest, in particular from intergenerational incest. This is not only because
of the potential damaging social implications of calling it incest, but also because
it involves consenting adults and there is no betrayal of a child by an adult in
a position of trust -
Finally, I have found myself unable to dismiss the uncomfortable sense of abnormality,
of wrong and of dissatisfaction which continues to be expressed by both some clients
and their counselors. I do not believe this would be eradicated completely by any
modification of the law, because it seems to me to reflect some deep-
I would like to thank my colleagues at the Post-
References
Gonyo B, 'Genetic Sexual Attraction', American Adoption Congress Newsletter, 4(2)
1, 1987. Sawbridge P, 'The Post-
La Fontaine J, Child sexual abuse, Cambridge, Polity, 1990.
Fox R, The red lamp of incest, New York, Dutton, 1980.
Freud S, Totem and taboo, 1950 Edition, London, Hogarth Press, 1913.
Westermarck E, The history of human marriage, 1926 Edition, New York, Macmillan, 1894.
Sheper J, Incest: A biosocial view, New York, Academic Press, 1983.
Hinsz V B, 'Facial resemblance in engaged and married couples', Journal of Social
and Personal Relationships, 6(2) 223 -
Masson J M, The assault on truth: Freud's suppression of the Seduction Theory, New York, Farrar, Strauss and Giraux, 1984.
Haaken J and Schlaps A, 'Incest Resolution Therapy and the objectification of child
sexual abuse', Psychotherapy, 28(1) 39 -
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