New to this..My first message

[Victor]

Jealousy on my side has resulted in my divorce from my wife. Even though my daughter and I hadn't acted on our feelings and were also unaware of each other's feelings at that time, my wife accused both of us of doing so and divorced me. My daughter's husband is also jealous of how close we have become in such a short time but his approach to it has been more guarded. He even agreed to allow her to live with me for the summer so that she could get to know this new side of her family. She will return home to him very soon.

I have been looking for another partner since my divorce, but doing so makes my daughter jealous. Then again, when her husband visits it makes me jealous of the time she spends with him. It would be so nice if we could find spouses that actually understood what we are going through and with whom we could talk openly with. It would be even better if we could be together, but we both know that if we did so in this society that our relationship as father and daughter might have to die, in order that the other life as lovers might live. That part --of us as father and daughter -- is even more precious to us than the other, and is the route we have chosen to take.

I think I know the reason GSA happens. Evolution happens within limitted breeding gene pools. In order to do this without isolating that gene pool geographically, we have been been instilled with a genetic survival drive that makes us seek out similar genetic traits in others while ignoring those whose traits are more disimilar. Social upbringing and taboos about the family unit almos always "teaches" us to ignore this natural drive when it is toward those who are in our family unit. But where one is raised beyond that unit, our socially learned ignorance of that drive doesn't exist and we find ourselves following our natural drives to mate with those closest to our genetic match. This is why dating services are geared to match us on trait commonalities rather than differences. Obviously, the more we match someone gentically the stronger our drive to mate, which is why we are all suffering as we are, having found our CLOSEST genetic match. There are also psychological forces at play...separation anxiety caused by our past separation and fear of losing them again.....etc. I wish I had more answers.

[lovebro]

Hi Jen,

I see your point about loving each brother differently. It's just so hard to have a normal relationship with one and a totally confusing, up-side-down, topsy-turvey relationship with another. I didnt know anything about my adopted brother, I didnt even know he existed until my mother sprung it on me out of no where. So i had no time to prepare, no time to research what could possibly happen. If only I'd known...but you know, then I think, if I had known, it probably wouldnt have made much difference. You cant help the way you feel, no matter what other people and society think.
I talk to my brother every day and we see each other twice a week, sometimes more depending on whats going on in our lives. I saw him last night and we hadnt seen each other for over a week. I felt lost without seeing him. Then when we did hang out, we just layed about on the couch and cuddled and talked. Nothing else happened, but its like theres this constant need to be close. To not see him for a week is awful, I miss him terribly. I think thats because in my mind I feel like weve missed out on so many years of our lives together that i need to catch up and not miss anything from now on.
We were talking about our partners and he said something that I hadnt noticed or thought of before. He said that our partners (particularly his current girlfriend) always feel uncomfortable and left out around us. That when were together, everyone else feels like they're not even there, that we only focus on one another. It's not at all intentional and I've never noticed it before. I suppose he's right. Even after 5 years we are just as absorbed in each other as we were the first day.