How do we ~Let go ~

[LostNTime]

That means so much to so many different ones in so many different ways on here. To some it means to let go of their GSA partner, and to me it means to let go of the things, people, thoughts, and fears of this world that stop you from actually feeling totally and completely whole, at peace with yourself, and with life. Those people, thoughts, and fears were causing grief between the both of us. When we let go, they all came around with happiness of our happiness. Just like worried dad did for his children.

[art4me]

Originally Posted by cedarforest

It's VERY hard. The harder the process is, the more fulfillment you will encounter, when it finally happens. Don't settle for less than what you deserve.--cedarforest

Thank you Lost Sister for this amazing introspective questioning. And cedarforest for the reminder of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, that this too will change as time moves us and we enable ourselves to do some of this hard work. This is so hard! Some days it feels like someone is racking over my heart and at the same time adding a soothing sap. It tears and mends, keeps me awake and dreaming at the same time. I want to run away from my life into his arms. I can't imagine how I will integrate a GSA with my father in my life without deeply hurting many, many people, including us. I ache for the connection and yet I want and need to be mindful my spouse, and my children, my f/s, h/s and h/b who are also new to me and my sister and brother I was raised with.

And so I ache with a deep grief and sometimes that grief covers me like a wet wool blanket too heavy to lift off and too dark to see beyond the heartache. Thank you for your reminders that the blanket will be lifted, our wings will dry out, we will be able to fly with lightness and love, with our GA towards each other and bringing into the dance all those we love. Filling ourselves with our love and pouring that out of us to others we deeply care for too.

I get that, I hope for that day to come sooner than latter. But in the now, I grieve so hard for what can not be, and yet yearn for. And the wish and the want is so strong, that it has me thinking about abandoning my way of how I guide my life, morals or conscious or whatever you want to call it. I never knew something could be this powerful that would make me want to give it all away for a deep sexual intimacy. And so I have been toeing the line, and I want to fall on the side that is best for all involved and not have a sexual relationship. Sometimes not acting on the sexual relationship side feels like falling off the 'high' you feel into a deep ice crevasse of darkness and cold.

Thanks for helping me know that falling also means, trusting, and in the letting go, wings sprout, flying happens, possibly higher than the 'high' I yearn to feel with a sexual intimacy.


“Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them and they flew.”

With great thankfulness.

[myshadow]

What a Beautiful post

Thank YOU

[cbcpaul]

OK....if I reply to this older thread it will come up again on the board at the top of the list.

It's funny I always thought letting go of things would be so hard that it would be impossible.

Once again I was wrong.

It's hard to count the times that I have been wrong about things during this journey.

I thought I would die.
I thought I would never be happy again.
I thought that everything was wrecked.
I thought that my marriage was over because of this.
I thought my birth family would never speak to me again.
I thought I had permanently wrecked my own psyche.
I thought I would never laugh again.
I thought I would never again speak with or communicate with my sister.
OMG...the list is endless.

I was so wrong on so many things that I can't list them all.

Just keep working at making yourself a better you, be honest with yourself and do the work to make yourself a more authentic you. This is not a destination (being an authentic self)...it is a continuous journey that will uncover great pearls of understanding along the way.

As long as you are working at this, and nurturing yourself along....you will continue to grow through this and towards joy again.

When I realize that I am wrong about something now....I just laugh at myself. I think my view of myself and my ego, needed, and got, a good thrashing!

I am more humble now than I used to be. I never thought anything like this COULD happen to me. I was shocked when it did....... how could "I" ever allow anything like this to happen? What's wrong with me?

Well....the universe humbled me a lot, and I have come to realize that I have my faults and frailties. And as I went through this journey, I accepted that I had a lot to learn, and a long way to go to be authentic, to be the best possible version of me.

In fact there was a point that it was like a big tension in my body, mind and soul, and then it sort of all started slipping away, and I was left with a very satisfying peace that washed gently over me. A moment of realization that I had accomplished "something"... and moved from the stuck place.....forward in my own personal growth.

Accepting and embracing GsA as part of who I am now, took a lot of work.

Apparently I NEEDED to do a lot of work on myself!

"Letting go", is not something that happens instantly. It's a continuous process where one small step in front of the other, in the right direction, will help you let go and move forward.

Once again LostSister your original post in this thread was a grand slam, hit it out of the park and break a window.... home run!

Love
paul

[Vin Rohm]

As I revealed to Lost Sister a short while back, I have returned to Washington. I have "let go" of my hope and desire for my daughter as my lover, and have replaced it with a hope and desire for her happiness with her husband. I have accepted our true place in each other's life, as father and daughter. In letting go we release from us that which pains us. We make our hands free to grasp again something else. We surrender thus our greatest joy and our greatest sorrow. We do this not to lose them, but to embrace them anew...to take them into our hearts in the roles they were meant to play, instead of in the role we tricked ourselves into playing. I am free of the misery and ecstacy of our GSA. The cost to me that remains is my daughter's conflicted feelings toward me. While she wants to trust me as her father, she is reminded of my selfishness in the throws of GSA, finding trust a hard thing to grant. But I am free, and trust can be earned. And for the first time in many years, I am whole again and very happy that I have my daughter in my life. Forever.

[art4me]

Thank you Victor!!! That was so good to read. A reminder that the ecstasy of GSA comes with a price of misery. And through the turmoil we can loose so much including ourselves. But we can rebuild, and find again how to love, forgive and embrace ourselves and our GSA.

I am thrilled for you, and thank you for being a mentor here to light the path for other's who get lost in the darkness.

[DodgingRain]

But through the turmoil is the part of ourselves that we loose something we need to loose?

Is what we are giving up the fear and the pain?

I think our GA/GSA is a false solution to our deepest pain that we have been searching for a long time for, they are not a love or a soul mate. Those feelings are byproducts of how we feel when we think we have found the answers. One can't help but love something that can fill that void regardless of it they are a person or a thing or an idea. When we realize they really are not that solution is when the healing can start to happen. Only by letting go of the false solution (our GA/GSA) do we start to get better and realize the solution is not external to ourselves.

[art4me]

Yes! DodgingRain, I totally agree. What we loose are parts of us that need to be chip away to expose some of our deepest pain, so we can not have a false solution, but a true internal stronger sense of who we are.

Very well stated DodgingRain.

[myshadow]

Ater reading several posts today, I thought of this thread by
Our Dear Lostsister and had to pull it back up.

Read it, think about it, read it again. You will find your answers within.

Love
x

[Red.String.of.Fate]

I would just add the thought that it is close to impossible to let go without personal distancing, even if only for a while.

How do we 'Let go' of a person who we see everyday, talk to them everyday, or are forced to live with everyday?

Emotional distance to form requires physical distance.
In order to love yourself you need to be by yourself.

So the first step should be, spend some alone time, and like it I believe.

Great post for thought.
Thanks again Lost!